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  #311  
Old 07-03-2014, 10:36 PM
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My father-in-law was transported home by ambulance this afternoon. DarkKnight went back to be there, and won't return til Sunday. Our daughter went with him this time. He called me to tell me he's been spending the day moving furniture around and getting sweaty. They've put together a sitting room in an empty bedroom upstairs for FIL, as he probably will not be able to go downstairs again. there is talk of a visiting nurse service and/or hospice but I don't know where that process is at the moment.

I am an emotional mess. I started crying this afternoon for no reason. Some friends were encouraging me to go out with them tonight and play trivia, and when I agreed it turned out the team was already full. I felt down a little bit from that, but somewhat relieved too, because I had kinda wanted a break. DarkKnight, PunkRock and I went yesterday evening.

I went upstairs and PunkRock held me for a bit. I told him I didn't know why I was so upset - my FIL is dying, my extended family consists of jerkfaces, my basement is continually flooding and we are super broke. Oh, and we are all definitely going to NY on the 13th for a week - I spent time yesterday rescheduling appointments for that. Oh, and I am supposed to be writing curriculum for my Astronomy class in the fall and I just cannot focus on it. Sigh.

After I collected myself for a bit, I started rearranging and organizing my upstairs linen/storage closet. It looks great now and it was a good stress reliever. PunkRock took a nap and then we went grocery shopping. He is cooking dinner at the moment.

Have I mentioned lately how awesomesauce he is?
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Last edited by Bluebird; 07-04-2014 at 01:20 AM.
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  #312  
Old 07-04-2014, 04:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluebird View Post
I started crying this afternoon for no reason . . . I didn't know why I was so upset - my FIL is dying, my extended family consists of jerkfaces, my basement is continually flooding and we are super broke.
Seems to me you had a few good reasons to cry. Don't be so hard on yourself. Crying helps release pent-up energies and emotions.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluebird View Post
Have I mentioned lately how awesomesauce he is?
Yep! Always a silver lining when things are tough, isn't there?
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  #313  
Old 07-06-2014, 06:33 PM
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Terribleness here. DarkKnight called me last night and we made plans for him to come home today, drop our daughter off, and then a friend was going to keep her for a couple of days, while I came to his parents house with him and supported him.

This was because on Saturday morning he discovered his mom and sisters have all run out of vacation days, so I suggested he work from there, instead of his home office, next week, so his mom will feel more content that my father-in-law is being looked after properly by the hospice workers.

Anyway, she was in tears and so happy that he was going to do this. But I am barely holding off tears because I am missing my man something fierce. Then I realized that I could come up there if we reworked the schedule a bit and found a place for our daughter to go. PunkRock was willing to take our son to and from work, as needed, and keep the house ticking over.

Anyway, this morning I woke up at 4:30 am, completely stressed. I did laundry, prepared stuff to go, etc. Then DarkKnight called me, crying, that his mother told him that while I could come for a visit, that I was immoral and awful and if I was still continuing to "screw around on him" then I could not sleep over at her house.

He was so upset. He came home, and just cried for about 45 minutes. He said that he doesn't want to have a relationship with her anymore, and that he would be seeing a whole lot less of her after this. He feels like she thinks he is a child and can't manage his own heart, and won't accept that he is happy with me being poly.

My poor husband is having a nervous breakdown. It is clear he needs me to hug him, but we don't have the gas money for me to drive over there and back every day, so it won't happen. I sent him back anyway. I told him that as much as I want to increase the drama and keep him home with me to spite her, I can't. Because he would stay. And that isn't what she needs right now. She absolutely needs my husband there. It is painful to me to be the better person, but that means it is the right thing to do.

DarkKnight says he thinks his dad tempered her responses and kept her sweet while he was still well, but now that he isn't coherent, she is just denouncing me with everything she has.

He is both sad and hurt and angry at how bigoted and close-minded she is. He said she said several things that made him almost go nuclear - about how a marriage is between a man and a woman and that's it. Anti-gay statements, and racist statements. He told me if I were black, he would have no relationship at all with his mother. He said what is left is deteriorating fast.

My daughter ended up going back with him. She told me that she isn't that sad about her grandpa dying because she doesn't know him that well, but that she doesn't like her dad to be so sad. His sad makes her sad. I hugged her. She wanted to go back and help. So, I sent her too.

Now I just feel so fucking helpless in this.

What else? My oldest daughter in NY messaged me today to say she'll call me tonight. I let her know that hospice is saying that grandpa will pass probably today or tomorrow, at the latest. She said she can come down for the funeral, but doesn't have gas money. I can give it to her on Thursday, so she will come. She wants to be here, again, to support DarkKnight. Everyone truly loves him and can't bare to see him or know he's unhappy!

DarkKnight's sister's birthday is Thursday, so that means the funeral will be Wednesday or Friday, if he passes as predicted - NOT on her birthday. It's terrible, but I am hoping for Friday - we have so many expenses that we can't cover until Thursday, since that is my payday. My son needs new shoes for the funeral, DarkKnight needs a haircut. Gas to get us to and fro.

Ugh. Death is never practical though. We will handle whatever comes.

Of course, we have our trip to NY scheduled starting Sunday too. DarkKnight was questioning me this morning if he will look bad for still going, if his dad's funeral is Friday. I told him that it was up to him. He is really torn - but I think he plans to go. His career needs this trip.

I met most of PunkRock's extended family yesterday - we went to a family BBQ. Funny - one of PunkRock's cousins is a special needs teacher and she went to school and is friends with C3! I about fell over. I told her how PunkRock and I met - I was going to meet C3 at the game store to hang out and talk about dating, and then PunkRock was there in a suit and he caught my eye. She told me that it was good I didn't start a relationship with C3, because we would have broken up already! She said he was too up and down and all over the place with his anxiety and emotions, that he always has been. He needs to stabilize himself before being in any relationship. She said any capable person would be lost in trying to help him fix himself, and that I would probably would have burnt out trying to help him.

I think she is truthful - all of these are things I have thought myself about C3. She also agreed that he is uber cool, a great person and a solid friend to have in your corner when needed. He just unbalanced emotionally and it spills negative crazy into every aspect of his life, unfortunately.

Anyway, it was interesting to speak to another person who knows C3 and it was awesome to meet someone super cool in PunkRock's family. I enjoyed watching the interaction between PunkRock and different people. His brother, LordTenderHeart, was there, and it was good to see him again. He was very affectionate toward me and gave me lots of big hugs. He has been staying at his dad's since getting out of rehab.

I did witness some in-family gossip and unpleasantness regarding LordTenderHeart. That made me feel bad, but I could see both sides. I stayed out of it and just murmured acknowledgement of the feelings and shared the info with PunkRock, but he said this is not anything new, so I was glad I let him know. It made me feel a bit better knowing that it was a long-standing issue.

Um, oh! I want to share that at one point PunkRock and I were in the pool together and I was just completely and totally overcome with this feeling of incredible safety and acceptance. This entry has been kind of a downer, so I want to share that. He was holding me close and just kissing me, and then just watching me. I wrote about it as my sentence in my daily happiness journal last night. "The light blue water reflected in his eyes and when he looked at me, it was love."
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  #314  
Old 07-07-2014, 07:24 PM
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I was angry and hurt this morning, thinking about how awful it feels to be separated from DarkKnight and our extended family during this terrible time. I was building up a lot of resentment, rehashing the situation in my mind. This wasn't productive though, so I decided to just stop already and go back to sleep.

DarkKnight called me last night to tell me that his father's breathing had gotten really shallow and rapid, and they thought the end was nigh, but as of right now, this is still ongoing. He just called again - he told me he missed my voice. He apologized again for his mother, and I told him of my hateful feelings this morning.

I am ok right now. PunkRock and I had amazing sexytimes this morning, and he "treated" me to McDonalds for lunch. Dollar Menu isn't really a treat, because, well, blech. Anyway, I called him my sugar daddy and he promised a possible Supreme Buffet trip tomorrow. Lol Tonight we are having hot dogs on the grill and trivia together. I have a card for a free appetizer too. Whoo hoo!

It is really hot out and I have no motivation to do ANYTHING right now. Just laying on the couch in the air conditioning, all fat and full of a dark chocolate Klondike bar.
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  #315  
Old 07-09-2014, 07:07 PM
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Sometimes I wonder what the fuck is going on with my life! Our central air unit died again and it took a day before the repair people could come out and fix it. So we had a very uncomfortable night. Then, I kid you not, ten minutes after the repair person left (it was a blown capacitor) there was a freak rainstorm and our power went out. We have been without power since, and the electric company says we can have it back sometime between now and Saturday night at 11 pm.

I just want to cry and cry, but that will make me hot and without AC and fans, the hell if I am going to get heated. I just emptied out my freezer - everything into the trash - but the thought of a barren fridge threatens my no tears policy so I stopped part way through. I will prolly continue after writing this, but for right now I am overwhelmed.

Took my son out today so he now has nice dress shoes for the funeral. My father in law is still hanging on though. PunkRock drove me up to see him last night, and oh, he is so frail and small now. He wasn't before. He's on round the clock oxygen and didn't rouse when I talked to him. My husband cried a quiet bit. We went to Chipotle with PunkRock, who vacated after eating to give us some alone time. He is so kind - again I have to say how lucky I am to have him in my life.

I feel like I have been monopolizing so much of PunkRock's life these past weeks, with DarkKnight gone and stressed out when he is home. And now with the power dead, he can't even escape to the basement to paint and get some alone time. It makes me feel like an awful time suck and emotional drain on him. He says we are great, but I still feel bad. He lhasnt hesitated to let me lean on him though, so he is helping me.

My friends invited us out to trivia tonight and we will prolly go just to get out of this crazy hot sweltering house.

I had a phone call yesterday from a media corporation who wants to market our poly story to some companies. I've looked at some of their work and it seems legit. Now is such an awful time though! I should have expected some attention after the Chat magazine article and the bt.com online story but I didn't. I found out the online story was linked on at least two poly sites as well. What is hilarious to me is that the people commenting seem to be more concerned at us being overweight than being poly. The funniest comment is between being called "roly-polyamorous" and something about DarkKnight and PunkRock eating my other boyfriend. None of it hurt our feelings - bullying comments suck but they were so funny!
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  #316  
Old 07-10-2014, 03:06 PM
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Hey, that bt.com story was pretty good!

Good job.
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Last edited by SlowPoly; 07-10-2014 at 11:04 PM. Reason: Sorry!
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  #317  
Old 07-10-2014, 07:27 PM
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It is spreading! I am at a loss to contain it, not that I mind too much. lol Or I wouldn't have done the article.

It seems that a US woman's magazine is also interested and is putting out feelers. Along with the videographer in NYC. I am at a little bit of a loss of how much more we want to talk, though I have gotten a lot of positive feedback from people who have said it made them glad to know they weren't the only ones living this sort of lifestyle. I've been asked for resources. That makes me very happy - to think that I've helped others. It's such a little article!
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Last edited by Bluebird; 07-11-2014 at 01:53 AM.
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  #318  
Old 07-10-2014, 07:57 PM
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We were approached for a reality series twice within the last year. We have declined every offer.

People are cruel and I do not need my family ripped to shreds, stalked, threatened or etc. Especially my kids. My boss is a famous guitarist. I am amazed at the photos and etc his obsessed fans find. Private personal photos. His kids are not even off limits.
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  #319  
Old 07-11-2014, 01:55 AM
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I think we would all 3 draw the line at a reality series. My life is really not that interesting anyway!

My father in law passed this afternoon, so I am now with my husband. PunkRock is holding down the fort at home.
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  #320  
Old 07-14-2014, 12:22 AM
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Well, things are moving forward - viewing tomorrow, funeral Tuesday. My daughter is coming down from NY so she will meet PunkRockAwesomesauce tomorrow. I am not at all nervous about it - he is awesomesauce, after all.

All of the household stuff is back to normal - central air, electric, no more flooding. Course I say that, and there's a storm going on right now!
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