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Old 04-20-2010, 04:14 PM
rayk1970 rayk1970 is offline
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Default Dealing with the "L" word or close to it

Okay so this is a short version as I am not one to run on and on. I am part of a gay male couple that has been together for nine years tomorrow. A few years ago we started having sexual three ways but never sex individually outside the relationship.

We have been in theory dating a guy for the past couple of months and it is going beyond just sex and just a FWB. As I am very aware that people's feeling reach different points at different times, how do you bring up the issue of feelings, where it's going, etc. when any of the three could be at different points?

We all are enjoying it at the moment, spend lots of time together and talk daily one way or the other. I am not wanting to force anything or try to fit it into a mold, but at some point it would be nice to know where it's headed just because there are certain things that you plan and do with a romantic partner vs a FWB.

Thought appreciated.

R
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Old 04-20-2010, 06:37 PM
polytriad polytriad is offline
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My initial thoughts are that you should discuss how you feel with your partner first. Communication is key! Don't be afraid to express how you feel because you are going to feel the way you feel and I'm sure if you have been with your partner for 9 years he would want to hear your thoughts. Ask him about his thoughts and then you can approach the "Guy you're dating" as a couple that wants to know how he feel collectively.

Happy thoughts..

PT
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Old 04-21-2010, 01:14 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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That makes sense to me as well.
Bring up to your boyfriend a conversation to find out where HE is at with the whole dynamic. Then you two can talk about both your and he feelings. It may be one conversation and you are in the same place, or it could end up being an ongoing conversation over a period of time.
The two of you can decide if and when it's right to inquire with about the other guy and how he's feeling.

Of course if HE brings it up-then the two of you get to sit in the hot seat for him!
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Old 04-21-2010, 09:21 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rayk1970 View Post
We have been in theory dating a guy for the past couple of months and it is going beyond just sex and just a FWB. As I am very aware that people's feeling reach different points at different times, how do you bring up the issue of feelings, where it's going, etc. when any of the three could be at different points?

R
Hi Ryak,

Seems you hit the key point here.

When you say "it" is moving beyond a sexual level - who are you speaking FOR ?
Who CAN you speak for ?

Probably only yourself ?

But as you say - there's 3 relationships here - possibly all at different levels. All you can "own" is your own connection and feelings for each of the others. And they each have to own their own for you - and each other.

My thoughts ?

Don't push it. Don't LABEL it ! Let it grow as it naturally will for each other. Live it and love it and don't complicate it !

GS
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