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  #91  
Old 04-20-2010, 01:03 AM
chg2winter chg2winter is offline
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Default There is no such thing as jealousy

So...one thought I've had lately is that when I am feeling jealous, if I sit with it long enough and am honest with my self, it is really fear. Fear that someone will leave me, or fear that someone is better than I so I won't get something, or fear that I'll be alone.

So when I sit with that, I realize that it is actually a different feeling, a feeling of selfishness. It is fear that I won't get what I want. The special moments of time will be spent with someone else. The wonderful trip will be taken with someone else. The joy when you open your present, sharing your tears when you are sad, I won't get any of that.

When I sit with that feeling, I realize that the special moments of time, the wonderful trip, the joy when you open your present and you being able to share your tears with someone who loves you...these are the things I am resisting in my jealousy. That in effect I am saying 'I don't want you to have special moments of time/the wonderful trip/joy/shared tears unless it is with me!'. When I sit with that, it is easy to see that this is not true, that I want happiness for you regardless of where it comes from. And this allows me to easily feel compersion. The joy of your joy, not the questioning the source.

Just random thoughts of the moment.
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  #92  
Old 04-20-2010, 02:33 AM
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Excellent write up.
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  #93  
Old 04-20-2010, 04:11 AM
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GREAT JOB!

Very good, I sent a copy of your post to my husband!!!
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  #94  
Old 04-20-2010, 01:37 PM
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Yes, I just had my wife read it also.
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  #95  
Old 04-20-2010, 03:31 PM
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There is such thing as jealousy (there is a word for it, after all :P), but its root lies in fear.

I'm of the opinion that any given action/thought/feeling is born either of fear or of love.
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  #96  
Old 04-21-2010, 12:27 AM
chg2winter chg2winter is offline
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Thank you for the responses...


(I have to admit, I expected to get slammed for such crazy talk )


Warmly,
Dan
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  #97  
Old 04-21-2010, 02:34 AM
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Ok Dan....You're crazy? LOL There...Feel better now?
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  #98  
Old 04-21-2010, 05:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by disarmedheart View Post
There is such thing as jealousy (there is a word for it, after all :P), but its root lies in fear.

I'm of the opinion that any given action/thought/feeling is born either of fear or of love.
I get what you mean, but for me that isn't the end of it. Love and fear are rooted in needs. As I have mentioned in other threads here. I think jealousy comes from a fear of not getting our needs met and compersion comes from realizing we can and in fact we get other needs met. In fact often times our need for seeing our loved one fullfilled is met. Just a thought.
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Old 04-21-2010, 07:11 PM
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Quote:
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In fact often times our need for seeing our loved one fullfilled is met. Just a thought.
I like this...I think it sums up how I feel about you and Derby. So smart ...and sexy
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  #100  
Old 04-22-2010, 12:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by disarmedheart View Post
There is such thing as jealousy (there is a word for it, after all :P), but its root lies in fear.

I'm of the opinion that any given action/thought/feeling is born either of fear or of love.
Im thinking that I agree with the OP and also with you dh, though I am not sure that I see how all thoughts and actions are born of one or the other and not possibly a third option at times - pain for instance?

What if the significant other is just plain neglectful and the jealousy is not rooted in one's fear but the painful experience of their very real needs not being met? Could there not be a form of jealousy that is rooted in the pain of longing alone - sans the fear?

Whereas fear can only be experienced in regards to things that have not yet happened, the pain of longing is in the present and therefore distinct from the fear of future events. I think that maybe in this way jealousy can be real.

However, the flip side (as dh implies) is that love should still be the anti-venom on both counts - for with the fulfilling love of the self, God and the Universe, longing should not exist; jealousy (fear or longing) is conquered by love.
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communication, compassion, compersion, emotions, envy, feelings, jealous, jealousy, monogamy, poly, polyamory, possessiveness, relationship dynamics, relationship structures, relationships, respect, self esteem, unconscious

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