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  #11  
Old 06-19-2014, 10:57 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is online now
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The only reason Butch and I are married is he is a government employee and thatcomes with HUGE benefits. Health insurance. Survivor benefits. Plus state domestic relations rapes the non custodial parent over the coals in a divorce.
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40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #12  
Old 06-19-2014, 11:30 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Divorcing for the sake of dissolving couple privilege is an admirable idea and I support it (though not everyone can or will want to do it).

I decided some 12+ years ago that marriage -- and in fact anything that involves making any kind of promise -- has the fundamental flaw of purporting to know the future. "We'll always want to be together like this, so we promise to adhere to this marriage from now on." Often, "forsaking all others." Usually, "til death do us part."

I took a hard-line position on it in my mind at the time, swearing to rid myself of both debt and marriage and never look back. Since then I have agreed to an uneasy truce with those institutions, for the sake of those I was closest to who continue/d to be loyal to those institutions. Thus for example I agreed to do a commitment ceremony with my two poly companions. It's complicated.

Since the government has the power to enforce things (e.g. contracts) at gunpoint, I suggest removing the government from marriage (and from, well, everything else) -- and/or disarming the government and transforming it into an entity that advises and organizes, but otherwise trusts the vast majority to agree on a basic code of ethics (legal system) and adhere to the decisions of qualified arbitrators.

Well, now we're getting off-topic. The point is, I sympathize with those who would rather we abolish marriage completely instead of "wasting our time" trying to make marriage fair for polyamorists (or even for homosexuals). But due to how long I expect marriage to remain in the hands of government, I ultimately think that SSM and poly marriage are worthwhile causes to pursue in the here and now. I also respect people's inclinations to seal themselves to promises they make to each other, and don't pretend to have all the answers with respect to alternative ways to live and work together.

Still, I persistently perceive stuff like marriage, at the basic level, as a gamble on a forecasted future, sometimes as fallible as (and always comparable to) a bet on a race horse. The truth is we can't know what we will or won't be able (much less want) to do in ten, fifty, or two years. Heck we don't even really know what tomorrow will bring. We could get struck by an epiphany, or by a cataclysmic meteor, or by any number of other life-changing things. The smartest (or at least most dependable) marital vow would be something on the order of, "I hope that we'll be together for a long time."
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  #13  
Old 06-22-2014, 12:36 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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That sounds pretty good. I'd be kicked out of the country if I got a divorce now, but I've always thought that marriage shouldn't be required, and kinda go against polyamory anyways. Good job on doing it!
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