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  #21  
Old 06-12-2014, 08:37 AM
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AJoy AJoy is offline
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Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
All it will take is one parent to wage a public campaign against you and you could lose everything.
Anything is possible. I believe this possible with pickle's work, but unlikely at my own school. I have my students for 4th-6th grade, and both they and their parents (as a whole) love me quite a lot. This goes for past and present students. I think for every family that would go up in arms against me for what I do in my private life (because it has zero impact on my work), there are many who would support me. As I said, my school in particular is pretty accepting of differences. My students also know both Lamb and Pickle because they come volunteer and visit throughout the year - they love them too. (They only know Lamb as my best friend and roommate.) Having parents go after me has crossed my mind, and I feel like it would probably be more trouble than it's worth to be actively out because I don't want to deal with negative parent interactions or parents requesting their child be moved from my room causing trouble for our school. I wouldn't make a habit of discussing my personal life with students as a whole, but I also don't worry too much if people deduce the situation. I don't think many parents would be likely to ask for confirmation of my personal situation anyway.

I wish this didn't even have to be something I've had to consider, but LovingRadience is right about Alaska. While conservative, right to privacy is a big deal here.
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Me (AJoy - bisexual female) in a marriage/life commitment with Pickle (straight male) and Lamb (bisexual female). Preparing to try for our first child together.
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  #22  
Old 06-12-2014, 08:47 AM
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Originally Posted by london View Post
teachers usually have them. Teachers, doctors, nurses, midwives, any job where your personality is meant to affect how well you do the job.
While there are things about tenure I don't agree with, I'm thankful for it for this reason. It takes significant cause, a trial, and burden of proof to fire a tenure teacher. I think one of the reasons to bring a teacher up for trial has something to do with morality, which someone might try to make a case for, but I'm pretty sure that would be a tough one to pull off since my relationship has no impact on my teaching abilities.

Sheesh...I've thought through all of this before. (A lot), but just talking about it again makes me sad. Why does my (or anyone's) love have to be a cause of anxiety with regards to job security and possible discrimination in the work place???
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  #23  
Old 06-12-2014, 12:36 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Plain truth is this... teachers with tenure have been fired for less controversal things.

A post on Facebook. Being seen at a bar partying hard. Bdsm. Adultery. Dui.

We are not a protected class. If you are legally married like I am and have a relationship outside your marriage it is adultery. It is illegal and you could face jail time. I could be charged with bigamy. All it woul take is one very squeaky wheel ruin your life. It doesn't matter how many parents loved you as their child's teacher they may change their view when they learn of your lifestyle choices.

Even if they do not manage to make you lose your job your reputation will be in tatters. One search into Google will bring it all up over and over again. What about your partners can their lives take the blow.

Murf is very much a parent as Butch is and no one blink's twice when my kids talk about him. But that is because we maintain two separate households and My kids call Murf by his name. They assume what makes them comfortable.
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  #24  
Old 06-13-2014, 12:05 PM
Orangesmartie Orangesmartie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AJoy View Post
While there are things about tenure I don't agree with, I'm thankful for it for this reason. It takes significant cause, a trial, and burden of proof to fire a tenure teacher. I think one of the reasons to bring a teacher up for trial has something to do with morality, which someone might try to make a case for, but I'm pretty sure that would be a tough one to pull off since my relationship has no impact on my teaching abilities.

Sheesh...I've thought through all of this before. (A lot), but just talking about it again makes me sad. Why does my (or anyone's) love have to be a cause of anxiety with regards to job security and possible discrimination in the work place???
I'm sorry but I think you are being a bit naive. Very few of our relationships impact on our ability to do our job. And generally people are very happy to be friendly and nice when they think you are just like them, normal, hetrosexual, mow the lawn on saturdays, sex once a week kinda people. And people can turn quite differently when their children are involved. Who knows what ideas you might fill their kids' heads with. Its not a logical argument.

Its about bringing the profession and your particular workplace into disrepute. Dagferi makes an excellent point on this.

Despite having tenure (which i guess is just a permanent contract?) they can find ways to fire you. It just won't on the surface be for a relationship.

As mentioned above, i was being eased out of a job simply for admitting to being bisexual. Suddenly, my colleagues were very uncomfortable around me. I was excluded from conversations, ostracized and criticised. My line manager because extremely demanding and nothing i did was right, despite the person i actually worked for being extremely happy with my work. Suddenly i was being called in for formal capability meetings and under remedial measures for improvement. Even though nothing about my work had changed. I wasn't in or just getting out of a relationship, so i wasn't distracted or stressed. The only factor that changed was my sexuality became known. Ultimately i left before they could make the case to fire me. But i knew it was coming. And i would never be able to prove the reason behind it all.

And people talk. You might trust one or two people to tell. But they will likely tell someone else and tell someone else. And before you know it, everyone knows. There's whispering in corners.

I can completely understand that you want to tell people and be open about your relationships. But there is a difference from people making assumptions and inferences and you confronting them with the facts. Be honest with yourself about why these people NEED to know. Most people in your life are just acquaintances and don't need to know the ins and outs of your private relationships.

And i do know how hard it is to have to censure your conversations with people and the guilt you feel to one partner or the other if you omit them when talking to a colleague.
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  #25  
Old 06-14-2014, 02:36 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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It can happen-and it's certainly naive to think otherwise;
but it's NOT as common here as it is in other places.
People here are much more.... anti-anyone in their business.

I've been out about being bi-and poly for years-no one gives a rip.
My closest childhood friend lives in the same town as the OP-and was out, also worked for the public school district there-no one cared.

People here are much more prone to thinking that people should mind their own business and not get into other peoples business.
This is the place where the "oddballs" who don't fit into American society run off to. Not saying that's the ONLY people here, but it's a strong majority.

Honestly-I wouldn't put a whole lot of worry into it. I'm not saying go to the school and tell them the whole story, I'm just saying that it's unlikely that people are going to ask.

The op has already said she's prone to the "not lying but not offering" information.
Honestly-that's a good pathway here.

My sister is also poly. She works for the state day care assistance program. Again-no one cares.

We aren't a strong political state.
We aren't a strong religious state.
We're a very liberal state in terms of legality.

No one is willing to give up their guns.
No one is willing to give up their freedom.
No one wants the government involved in their business.
No one ALLOWS those things.
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  #26  
Old 06-14-2014, 06:04 AM
london london is offline
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You don't have a job with a character clause.
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