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  #91  
Old 06-14-2014, 03:23 AM
GreenMom GreenMom is online now
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Had a lovely date with G last night. God the chemistry is burning so bright I can't wait until we can fully indulge it. Have plans for a group movie outing next week, and then to attend a bdsm event together on Saturday. I'm excited.

I'm confusing myself writing this blog with the letters for my partners, so I'm working on nicknames.

I have a topic I really want to write about but I think I am too tired tonight. Ah well. To be continued!
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  #92  
Old 06-16-2014, 11:30 PM
GreenMom GreenMom is online now
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Friday night I had a date with a girl I've been friends with for about a year, M. When we first met, I had asked her out, and she (I thought) she no. I found out a couple months back in talking to her, she didn't realize I was asking her out. Obviously, I've gotten less subtle since then. :P It was a really good time and we're going to see each other again as "dates" instead of "friends" and see where it goes.

Saturday afternoon, A joined my sister and her hubby and I for a gaming night, and then we had a very explosive night together. We had so many huge issues hanging over us the past few months. Now that they are all resolved it was so much better spending time together. All the strain was gone, all the affection was back. We can't see each other often, but I am looking forward to the next time we can carve out of our busy lives.
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  #93  
Old 06-27-2014, 09:42 PM
GreenMom GreenMom is online now
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Time for a rant.

I am SO FUCKING SICK of being good enough to fuck, good enough to engage in BDSM play with, hell, even good enough to date casually, but too much work and/or not worth an actual committment.

In other words, my breakup from a month a go is really hitting me hard since the whole "oh yeah we'll still talk all the time and be friends" is not happening at all, leaving me to question if he ever cared about me at all or if I was just the hot bi babe to be with him and his gf until she decided she didn't want to be with a girl.

I kind of want to die. I'm so fucking sick of being alone. I guess my doc needs to adjust my meds again. And I made it five whole weeks without suicidal thoughts. Fuck this shit. I give up on trying. I'm just gonna fuck who I think is hot and stop trying to date when no one wants to date me anyway.
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  #94  
Old 07-10-2014, 02:08 AM
GreenMom GreenMom is online now
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Had a wonderful group outing last weekend that included G, K, and two other folks. It was a rather poly-cestuous bunch, heh. G's poly-vee (G, K, U), me, and U's other partner, R. Good times were had by all. G and I got some time to ourselves as well which was nice to just cuddle and talk. And yeah... chemistry still abounds.

I got together with K for dinner last Monday. She is the best metamour ever. She always asks me how I'm doing with things and seems genuinely happy that I am having such a good with on my dates with G. She is quickly becoming a dear friend and I am really glad I have her in my life.

I've been feeling really down lately so I wanted to take the time to write a short happy post just so I can remember that despite all the b.s. I am dealing with right now, I do have bright spots, I do have people who care about me.
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  #95  
Old 07-23-2014, 01:34 AM
GreenMom GreenMom is online now
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A & B have almost completely withdrawn from me. Everything I see of them shows how blissfully happy they are with each other, flirting with new women, setting up play dates. They seem to be putting zero to no effort into maintaining a friendship with me. This saddens me greatly. I did truly love them both (and still do, since sadly I can't turn off feelings that easily), and I am starting to believe they never loved me. They seem too damn happy without me to care about me.

I decided today I can't do it. I can't keep trying to maintain those friendships when they so obviously aren't trying at all. I am going to put my energy into friendships that are reciprocated equally. It breaks my heart all over again but I just don't know what else to do. I am deeply saddened that friendship with me is less prioritized than the new and shiny bi babes they are snagging, but, hey... I guess it shows me how I rate.

I'm really glad I'm in therapy, and have poly friends I can talk to. This is breaking me apart. And it stops now. I can't keep doing this to myself. I'm not going to be a bitch and make some big declaration. I'm just going to stop putting myself out there with them.

In less depressing news, I went to a large bdsm con last weekend and had a lot of fun.

I had a great date with G last Monday, and another this Thursday, so I'm excited for that.

I'm seeing M on Saturday, as well as G, and K, so I'm excited about that.

It's time to focus on the loving people I have in my life instead of the ones who have given up on me.
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