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  #1391  
Old 06-12-2014, 11:41 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Ugh... so sorry, LR. Hugs...
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #1392  
Old 06-13-2014, 09:30 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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[visualizes LR in her new future home in Hawaii]
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  #1393  
Old 06-14-2014, 02:38 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Awesome freaking visual isn't it?
That is what I keep doing-visualizing where we are going.
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  #1394  
Old 06-14-2014, 02:56 AM
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That sounds like a plan to me.
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  #1395  
Old 08-01-2014, 01:45 PM
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Doing okay.

Divorce settlement has been agreed upon by my stbx, and I will receive what I asked for. I will probably be officially divorced within the next 90 days or less.

Working on my apartment, which has become a disaster zone and I've been having a hard time keeping up with all the projects I have to deal with. These include getting my stbx's stuff out, asking him for some things I want back, reorganizing, painting, new furniture, etc.

Looking forward to a little getaway vacation I'm taking in the first week of September. Will be a much-needed break.

The very beginnings of a new relationship are happening. It's been slow to get off the ground. We really like each other but neither of us have an awful lot of time on our schedules to get together. I am hoping I can get enough of my apartment bullshit done so I can have him over next week and have my way with him. He's a bit older than me (won't tell me his age!), sexy, intelligent, affectionate, and a bit naughty. We did things in a restaurant that shouldn't be done in restaurants. Heh-heh. He's already told me I am the kind of person he "could fall in love with," and then he got scared that he blurted that out, and tried to take it back. I giggled, that was such a cute moment. But yeah, I likey.

Off to work now.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 08-01-2014 at 01:47 PM.
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  #1396  
Old 08-01-2014, 04:20 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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What is a stbx? I assume you mean the soon to be ex husband, but I can't figure out the acronym (if it is one).

Glad the divorce is going through finally. I know you've been through heck about it and I am pleased that there is an endpoint.

I suggest 'Likey' as the new hottie's nickname.
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  #1397  
Old 08-01-2014, 04:21 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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And just realized stbx means soon to be ex. Duh. I haven't eaten lunch yet is my excuse!
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  #1398  
Old 08-01-2014, 05:41 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Nyc-That is awesome! A long time coming! Very happy for you!

I'm doing great. I am chilling out in Sunny California with my youngest (7) visiting friends. It's been in the 100's F all week, which is a little hotter than I prefer, but the sunshine is WORTH the heat. LOVING LOVING LOVING the sunshine.

GG had a mental breakthrough and it's shown in his behavior. The day after I left, my oldest started bleeding (she's 4 months pregnant) and had to go to the hospital. Baby is fine, they got things under control, told her stress needs reduced. Unfortunately, she's severe ADD, with severe depression and anxiety none of which can be medicated for while she's pregnant because the drugs aren't safe for the baby. So reducing the stress is pretty much impossible without isolation. So-she's isolating herself from everyone, which most difficultly is her husband, 3 yo and 1 yo son.

At any rate, with no one else suggesting it, GG checked on her and then got dinner for the family and took it over to their house for them. THIS is the GG I missed. The one who didn't need to be told to be caring and considerate and helpful to family. I made a point of letting him know that A) I noticed and
B) THIS self-motivated action is one of the things I have been talking about as "missing".

Just before I left my mp3 player went missing. Like-literally hours before. It "reappeared" after I left (and posted on my fb about it). In a place where it ABSOLUTELY was not at when I left (no questions there) and where it is OBVIOUS someone set it to "return" it to me. Meaning-someone "borrowed" it without asking. NICE-gotta love that.
The only person who could have; denies it.
But-GG was the one who was still home when it reappeared, he had continued to look for it knowing it was upsetting for me to have it missing and then confronted the person it had to have been (Confrontation NOT being his strong point).

Again-I let him know I noticed, expressed my appreciation and commended him for being self-motivated to handle what needed handled.

We had a tiny set back last night going over bills. When he asked me "how much is xyz check" and I responded "I don't know. I ALREADY told you before I left, I left a blank check for XXX so that she can reserve the hotel. I need YOU to fill it in when she knows the amount and then write it on the bill list for me". Followed by "sigh".
He replied; "CRAP, I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention just now. I was trying to multitask-that doesn't work. I have stopped. I got it. You did tell me."
He then finished what we were working on while being attentive and we went on with the evening.

I understand; retraining himself is going to take time. I can handle that. I couldn't handle the complete lack of effort to do it at all. I'm happy to see that something is happening.

Maca and I are doing great in terms of our relationship. Hate being apart so much. Hate having to travel back and forth to see each other. But on a personal level, doing great.
He's noted numerous times how much better we are doing since we stopped trying to "protect" each others feelings by NOT saying whatever was true. Not that we blab off heartless shit. We still hold ourselves accountable for saying things in considerate ways. But we don't hold back information just because we know it will make the other person uncomfortable.
I feel a lot better about the place we are at. I feel happy about the progress we've made and the way things are going today and the plans for tomorrow. All good.

The oldest kid is bringing us grandbaby 3.

The next one has graduated, has a full time job and is rebuilding his relationship with Maca.

The next one has about a year to go and is keeping in touch with me regularly and going to get to see the 4th kiddo in a few weeks for the first time in 4 years (he's our godson and it's a long story)-which they are both excited about because they were attached at the hip for years.

The 14 year old has found girls, but he's staying on top of his schooling and he's doing side jobs to make money. He's enjoying an extra level of freedom this year, but he's being responsible with it. So as much as I want to cling to him, I'm not. Thankfully, he is a love-bug and he is making a point of giving me extra hugs and affection when we are in the same town. I've noticed him being extra affectionate with his baby sister too. LOL. I don't think he is going to admit it, but he obviously misses her.

The baby (7)is reveling in her alone time with me. Something she has never cared about. She's enjoyed being the "big girl" and helping me while we travel. She and I have made multiple trips since May and she's quite the experienced packer and traveler. It's awesome watching her come into her own finally.

The oldest grandson (Peanut) is so sweet! He's having a hard time with Grammy leaving so much. He talks to me every couple days while I'm gone and tracks exactly where I am and what I am doing. When I'm home he's at my house in a split second verifying that everything is still there and hugging me and loving on me. When I leave, there's tears and lots of reassurance that I will call and be home soon.

The youngest grandson (Coconut) is walking and starting to talk. As soon as I return he climbs right into my arms-every time while mommy is telling me "he's not being people friendly he probably won't want to be held" lol. Lays his head on my shoulder and cuddles up close humming and patting my face until I sing to him. Then he just lays on my shoulder smiling while I dance and sing with him.
When his brother is crying and being clingy before I leave, he gets clingy (no tears) and wants to hold onto me too. It's cute-because I can tell he's just gauging what he should do based on what his older brother is doing. He watches him like a hawk!

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  #1399  
Old 08-01-2014, 08:45 PM
Accent22 Accent22 is offline
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Umm Hello, First time posting so if i'm going about it wrong just say so I guess.

From what i've read this is just pretty much a "How was your day" type thing right?

Not really feeling all that great today. During the weekdays i watch my sister's children(3)as a way to both help out in the family and still make money. (it takes up most of my time which takes away from my real job so she compensates as best she can) Last night I asked my wife to watch them today for me so that i could stay home and tend to a swollen shoulder which had limited my range of motion. She agreed and when the time came to it she sent me text after text complaining that she had things she wanted to do and that she needed to go see her dad and pay a bill and this and that (you get the point). This upset our B/Gfriend because he's the one who notices the most when we hurt each other and lately i have been the victim of a lot of barbs from her. There's a lot more to it but from both my and N's(our B/G friend) She should have never agreed if she was going to complain and gripe about it. especially when i haven't asked her to help me like this in about a year and have been spending the last 3 weeks running everyone around and doing my best to make sure everyone gets to where hey need to and is having fun and being fed (N's brother is visiting and A(the wife) just got back from Texas and there's a lot of driving to and from bus stops and taxi-ing everyone around) and all she's been doing is complaining how she doesn't have time for anything and stressing about money and makes plans to do all these things on her few off days but doesn't actually DO them. And then complains about how it's not done.

So now I feel shitty because if I had just sucked it up like I usually do (Sprained ankles, colds, flus, depression, crying) and went to watch the kids myself we wouldn't be sitting in a dense cloud of "i'm angry at you because you're acting like a spoiled brat".

N is also upset because while his brother has been here he's been surrounded by negativity and he doesn't like the thought of his brother thinking "Oh wow she/he left home to live with all this going on?". I know a large part of it is my doing. on a normal basis we try to confront each other when things aren't done like they should (such as chores or just basic disputes) A large offender is our roommate Amma who shuts herself in her room all day everyday. And while i do try and keep any typical arguments private, it's hard to do with 5 people in one house so the negative energy is almost always there. Not that it's constant, but N seems to be concentrating on it much more than he should and seeing as i'm always the one to get onto people(despite hating confrontation myself) i feel responsible for his anxiety.

ugh, i think i ranted more than anything... Sorry
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  #1400  
Old 08-01-2014, 09:15 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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NYCindie and LR, glad things are looking up. Best of luck with GG and his renewed concentration, and the sunshine, LR. Best of luck with new guy, apartment renos, and divorce finalization, Cindie.

Appreciate the man in late 50s or older who can get it up w/o meds. I always did with Ginger, his stamina and hardness were amazing, right up until that stopped happening. I never took it for granted. Maybe it will come back once he's healed from prostate surgery and the aspiration of cysts on his kidney. Simple Viagra or Cialis wouldn't do.

I saw a rerun of Conan last night with Jane Fonda and she was talking all about this subject. It was hilarious. Apparently she's written a lifestyle book for older people which discusses sexuality, among other things.
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me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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