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  #1  
Old 06-13-2014, 03:56 AM
HelloSweety HelloSweety is offline
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Default How do you handle time?

I'm extremely new to poly. I have a husband of 10+ years, and a boyfriend.

I am pretty much always at home the first part of the week with Hubby, BF pretty much lives here Fri-Sun (we are wanting to transition this to full time). I'm trying to set up one evening a week for BF and I to have alone time. But since there schedules will change with each term I'm wondering how others handle the time share aspect in there relationships?
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Old 06-13-2014, 12:13 PM
london london is offline
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Google calender sharing
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Old 06-13-2014, 12:50 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Usually I spend wed and sat nights with Sam. Thur I get off at 11pm so I go straight to bed when I get home. Mon and tue I work ovn shifts. Friday and Sunday night I spend with Nate.

We move things around as needed for instance nate will be spending the next 5 weekends in a medical study so during that time I'll be spending wed night with Nate and Fri night with sam.

Sam has his own place
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Old 06-13-2014, 01:05 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Another vote for google calendar.

Expect to make a new pattern each term.

Have to work with what you've got. In case this helps...

http://www.kathylabriola.com/article...-live-together

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Old 06-13-2014, 05:07 PM
HelloSweety HelloSweety is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Another vote for google calendar.

Expect to make a new pattern each term.

Have to work with what you've got. In case this helps...

http://www.kathylabriola.com/article...-live-together

Galagirl
That is a fantastic artical and oddly it helped to cement the plan of moving in together LOL! Both of my partners are former millitary, so there more used to having to share space with others than the norm, and due to having been married to one of them through multiple deployments, and more last second schedule changes than I could possibly count I have become a master at improvising with what I have dropped on me.
It does reiterate some conversations that we should be having (chores) more in depth versions of.

But in the meantime it does me a world of good to know that I'm not the only person who has to schedule out there time like a mad scientist to help keep things more balanced.
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Old 06-13-2014, 07:58 PM
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Our calendar changes just about every week! I just try to make sure that within each week, each guy gets at least one lunch or dinner date with me, and I also try to schedule in at least one 3-way outing, so we can all interact. Our sleepover schedule varies from night to night - everyone has their own room, and I invite them individually to stay in my room, depending on my mood. We tried a schedule for that, but it wasn't working.
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Old 06-14-2014, 01:04 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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If you do a tag search for the term "time management," you'll find a ton of useful threads here.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
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Old 06-14-2014, 02:15 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Poly usually works best when no one really is able/desires to fill each other's needs. When you're with BF, rather than your husband feeling neglected, he feels glad for the opportunity to be with his girlfriend/friends/get time to himself. When it's a scarcity model, it rarely works.
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Old 06-14-2014, 06:50 PM
HelloSweety HelloSweety is offline
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It's not that anyone feels neglected at all. I haven't really had any issues with time management and honestly that's not the best phrase. I was more curious how others split there time I suppose? I do have the additional love and care of my toddler too. (Rule #1 in our relationship is that my child comes first no matter what. They both looked at my like "Well fucking DUH!!!" I love that they both love her as much as I do. (While my romantic relationship with BF is new, him being in our lives is not.)) So it makes overnights or even one on one time a...unique challenge to achieve lol! It hasn't been a problem just well interesting. So I posted this to see if others were doing something that sounded like a good idea to add to what were already doing
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Old 06-14-2014, 10:58 PM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
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Hi Sweety, and welcome

If I could add anything to what others have said, and what you have already said, it would only be that it can be good to remember to ask others what they need. So often, we take it upon ourselves to ensure that we are balancing time/energy/whatever else (especially if we are the hinge in a V), and can forget to ask whether this actually suits everyone. For example, while one partner may love having a date night in the house just watching TV and being together, another partner may love to go out of town and experience new things.

Since you said you are looking for personal experiences?... As a general rule of thumb, if I've been on a date with someone, I'll try to make a date/special time with my GF. If I've been having a rough time with someone and GF's been dealing with my mopey ass, I'll try to make some special time with GF to connect and avoid letting relationship problems with one partner spill into my relationship with GF.

On the other hand, I'd say that my GF struggles with balancing time. She also doesn't 'do' scheduling. She is a much less structured and more free-flowing person. This can make things difficult for us, but we try to understand each other and not take each other's different approaches personally. I'd say that's useful when it comes to poly time management.

Generally, I think things work well when you are able to understand each other. My GF and her husband, for instance, are pretty content to spend time around the house watching TV together. If GF applied this style of quality time with me, I'd be frustrated and bored, since I like adventure and discovery. So for us, it's not so much about having equal time, but simply feeling that we are able to regularly connect, in whatever way we prefer to connect. Does that make sense?
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Last edited by sparklepop; 06-14-2014 at 11:02 PM.
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