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  #11  
Old 06-10-2014, 07:05 PM
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So I 'interviewed' my second OB today for a family planning visit. I don't know if this is normal preconception, but I have bipolar disorder, which complicates the entire process. Additionally, I want someone comfortable with my relationship. Last week, I had an appt. with another OB and she was awful. I left feeling just terrible (Lamb and Pickle came also and felt the same). This morning, when we told the dr. We were all in a relationship, she moved on without missing a beat. She asked us medically pertinent and reasonable questions regarding the relationship. Any then, she took it a step further and started asking about whether Lamb would be willing to carry the child instead of me because of my illness. We let her know I'm weaning off meds and will reassess when they're uo I my system in three months, but that, yes, that was one option we'd discussed. Just the fact that she saw our relationship as a unique opportunity to make our family happen was delightful to me. I am in love with this doctor!!
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  #12  
Old 06-11-2014, 12:58 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Excellent! That is awesome. I like my OB too. She's pretty open minded and down to earth, with a "if it doesn't pertain to this topic, it's not important" kind of attitude.
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  #13  
Old 06-11-2014, 02:42 AM
HelloSweety HelloSweety is offline
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I think that is wonderfull! I will be seeing my OB for the first time since entering my poly relationship tomorrow. I'm hoping that my appointment goes as well (though I'm not looking at conceiving for at least another year)
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  #14  
Old 06-11-2014, 02:49 AM
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We homeschool and we are out as well. Sam and I work for the same company and most people know im married and also know that Sam and I are together. Even in the past I've always shared freely with people about mu personal life. Even though im in the bible belt I don't feel judged by anyone.
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  #15  
Old 06-11-2014, 02:38 PM
Orangesmartie Orangesmartie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kernow View Post
I'm sorry if that came over as discrimatory, I just meant to say that the job thing wouldn't be an issue here so I probably don't understand those dynamics. I really didn't mean to offend.
Apologies for the hijack, but i disagree with this. I live in the UK, with my two partners. We're a triad. All live together. My male partner and I both work in professions where we cannot be open about our situations because it will bring a negative reaction in the workplace and may lead to us losing our jobs. While we wouldn't be fired explicitly for our lifestyle choices, we know its very easy for reasons for dismissal to be found. I do know that i was 'eased out' of a job ten years ago because of my alternative lifestyle. As it happened, i chose to jump before i was pushed. But i endured a very uncomfortable 6 months. I am now in career which is even more conservative and 'public facing' and so my choices would certainly bring down censure.

With regard to children, none of us in our relationship have young biological children, but I do have legal caring responsibilities for my baby nephew. My parents have legal custody of him and i am named as a legal guardian. In finding nursery school for him (he's just under 2 years old now) we have explained to the school the people in his life (my parents, myself and my partners). There is permission slips and passwords for who is able to collect him, who can be contacted in case of emergency, copies of our DBS checks on file (criminal record checks) for accompanying the class on school trips.

Similarly, at our GP surgery, there is a letter on his file that gives copies of our legal papers and states explicitly that I may consent to any treatment, preventative measure or examination on his behalf (rules for children under 16 need parental consent (subject to competence) or legal guardian). We had the letter put on specifically in case we had issues with me taking him for his vaccinations. It is also to circumvent the need for us to have to explain the situation to every health professional. We also lodged the letter with the local hospital. However, when we required emergency treatment for him and he was airlifted to a hospital 200 miles away, we needed to show all the court orders. Not that it would've stopped or delayed treatment, but it just made life easier. It also meant that my male partner was able to be in the ICU to support me at that time, when it was immediate family only.

Not familiar with the law in your state, but suggest that explaining to the school that littleun has 3 parents and agreeing who may have access to collect him/her, see school reports etc. Its helpful for the school to know, because kids talk. They say the cutest things, totally uncensored and it can be helpful if the teachers are slightly aware of the dynamic. Doctor's surgery doesn't really care, they just want to know who can consent to treatment for legal purposes.

Don't know about kids' friends, not an issue for us yet. We are taking the view that our relationship will be completely normal for baby, he'll not have known anything different. Auntie has always had two people she loves and who share a bed with her.
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  #16  
Old 06-11-2014, 06:31 PM
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I agree with Orangesmartie and will add that any job with a "good character" clause carries the same risk.
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  #17  
Old 06-11-2014, 06:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Orangesmartie View Post
We're a triad. All live together. My male partner and I both work in professions where we cannot be open about our situations because it will bring a negative reaction in the workplace and may lead to us losing our jobs. While we wouldn't be fired explicitly for our lifestyle choices, we know its very easy for reasons for dismissal to be found.
This is what we're worried about. Pickle and I are both teachers (in different districts) with tenure, so I believe it would be very difficult to get us fired, but in our positions, our working lives could probably be made pretty miserable. Though, I like to think at my job in particular, staff and family would be pretty understanding (that would hold true to the demographic for my school area). Pickle would not be so lucky, I believe.

Lamb is an administrator though, and they don't really need a reason to fire her. While firing her for her relationship choice would open them up for a lawsuit, they wouldn't have to say that is why they are firing her.

It's tricky. That's why I've just been telling whoever I feel safe telling as often as I can (4 of my fellow 35 teachers know...not huge, but it's something). And of course, I don't say anything to anyone if I think it will make it's way to Lamb and Pickle's workplace (our town is relatively small).

Anyway, thanks for the information about legal paperwork and who you give what information to. That's helpful. We are definitely going to have a lawyer draw up papers before our child is born.

London, the character clause sounds familiar, though I don't know if there is one in place for any of us (would be worth looking into). That's a pretty clever way to work in an easy way to fire someone!
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  #18  
Old 06-11-2014, 08:12 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is online now
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All it will take is one parent to wage a public campaign against you and you could lose everything.
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  #19  
Old 06-12-2014, 03:46 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Yes and no- Alaska is known for its attitude of live and let live. People in Alaska don't like other people getting up in their business and ss a rule of thumb its looked down upon.
Even our child protection laws err on the side of the parent, not the child.
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  #20  
Old 06-12-2014, 06:11 AM
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teachers usually have them. Teachers, doctors, nurses, midwives, any job where your personality is meant to affect how well you do the job.
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