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Old 06-10-2014, 04:59 PM
icesong icesong is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 138
Default Oh, the fun of calendars...

Life for the next two weeks is pretty insane - TheKnight's parents and grandfather are moving into a house 5 minutes away, which is going to be both good and bad. Good for the WonderToddler, somewhat good for us in that we're not making emergency trips to Florida anymore, good for them in that we're around to help out with things, but potentially bad in that we suspect we're actually going to have to come out of the closet in the next year or so. Ooof. But I refuse to ask my son to keep secrets for me, or to keep secrets from him of things I don't consider wrong, SO... not much choice.

This has also put TheKnight and I on a bit of a roller coaster, but one that doesn't feel destructive. His parents aren't really moving just because they want to, there are health issues involved and it's a "need" rather than "want" sort of thing. Which has made TheKnight go into "fix the emergency" mode, and me go into "no, there is no emergency and treating it like one isn't sustainable"... That caused some friction, but we talked and are more of a team now than we have been in quite a while.

It helps that we're finally on the same page regarding Pink!Girl and HipsterBoy - for so much of the death spiral on that relationship i was amazingly angry at TheKnight for how it went down - while on some levels he was completely honest and partially justified for some of his actions, there were other spots where I thought he was being an ass, and blamed him for wrecking the entire fragile relationship-ecosystem. Part of me still does, a bit, but I'm seeing the flaws that were there so much more clearly now.

I canceled the last plan I had on the calendar with HipsterBoy yesterday - concert tickets to a band I adore, that the four of us were going to see together, bought before things were... what they are. It was originally something of an anniversary celebration. It would have just been needlessly painful for everyone. I don't know when I'll see him again. Typing that makes me sad, and... wistful, perhaps.

So funny to think where I am right this moment vs. a year ago - a year ago today or tomorrow, perhaps, HipsterBoy and I were exchanging our first emails. Just rereading a few of them and I don't even know that I recognize the person I was, or he was, then. Such a fucking waste of potential, the way that went down. I so very much hate that. But in rereading them I can see the flaws so clearly, even in those first few heady summer days.

Back to working on my poly user manual... turns out Sunshine had in fact finished hers, so now TheKnight, and DinoActivist, and I, are all somewhat obligated to catch up...
34/bi/F, married to TheKnight (together 16+ years)

Current Dramatis Personae are detailed in my blog.
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