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  #551  
Old 06-04-2014, 05:14 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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resurrecting this from a couple months ago cause its relevant for me right now. With my relationship dilemmas a lot of people tell me I am so into Nudge because hes "new and shiny".
We've been together over a year, see each other every day at work, two to three times a week at night, spend time with my kids...we joke that our time together just feels "domestic" sometimes. To me, that's not NRE...its just love and great chemistry. Thoughts?
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  #552  
Old 06-04-2014, 11:28 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Gorgeous, I feel the same way. I've been with miss pixi over 5 years and Ginger over 2 years, and while the new and shiny bit has worn off, we still have great chemistry, great sex, laughs, shared hobbies, satisfying conversations, etc etc. I still love the heck out of them.

Whereas I know with my ex h, after 2 years we had some issues we weren't equipped to address and it led to a certain distancing and lack of connection (even though we stayed together over 30 years).
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  #553  
Old 06-05-2014, 02:16 AM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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In the beginning of my relationship with Chops, I would definitely say we were both heavily impacted by NRE. I would get up early to Skype with him (I'm *sooo* not a 5am person!), I'd check my phone as often as I could to see if he texted me, I'd get all twitterpated to the point where I couldn't eat half the time.

Now, I'm putting weight back on again.
(Which is mainly because I'm not getting my ass out to exercise, but I'm definitely past the point of "not eating")

I love sending/receiving texts during the day, but I'm not hanging on them, and neither is he. And we don't wake up at 5 unless we have to... usually not even for sex.

BUT... I still adore the man. We still write each other beautiful emails and notes once in a while. We still snuggle up on the couch and talk more than we sit and watch TV. We cook together. We do yard work or work on the house together. It's WONDERFUL. And it seems to be NRE-free, which is even better.

So no, a good relationship doesn't mean it's all NRE. Enjoy the chemistry.
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  #554  
Old 06-05-2014, 01:22 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
In the beginning of my relationship with Chops, I would definitely say we were both heavily impacted by NRE. I would get up early to Skype with him (I'm *sooo* not a 5am person!), I'd check my phone as often as I could to see if he texted me, I'd get all twitterpated to the point where I couldn't eat half the time.

Now, I'm putting weight back on again.
(Which is mainly because I'm not getting my ass out to exercise, but I'm definitely past the point of "not eating")

I love sending/receiving texts during the day, but I'm not hanging on them, and neither is he. And we don't wake up at 5 unless we have to... usually not even for sex.

BUT... I still adore the man. We still write each other beautiful emails and notes once in a while. We still snuggle up on the couch and talk more than we sit and watch TV. We cook together. We do yard work or work on the house together. It's WONDERFUL. And it seems to be NRE-free, which is even better.

So no, a good relationship doesn't mean it's all NRE. Enjoy the chemistry.
Thanks for this That's how its gone with Nudge too. hes away for 9 days right now, I miss him like crazy....but last year, Id have been glued to the phone,. Jumped every time it dings to see if it was him, mope if he went 24 hrs without a message lol.....but this year, Im thrilled when I hear from him but when he didn't write between Sunday and Tuesday morning, I figured he was busy and was just happy to talk to him once we did. Im not all crazy about it....but still crazy about him.
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  #555  
Old 07-06-2014, 04:31 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Default Effect of new relationship sexual energy on existing sexual relationships?

Occasionally, I have a deeply transformative sexual experience with a new partner. It's like meeting and understanding a new aspect of myself.

The few times I've had this happen to me, I've noticed that it's seriously affected existing relationships, to the extent where relationships once unproblematically sexual became sexually fraught and then more-or-less non-sexual.

This has made me doubt my ability to be sexually non-monogamous, in any serious sense. Maybe I can be superficially non-monogamous, or non-monogamous to a point... but there seems to be a certain way of relating sexually with someone that's difficult to reconcile with being contemporaneously sexually connected with another person... The sexual weather can be so wild that there seems to be no room for other influences.

I don't have a lot of evidence for this theory, beyond noticing the sketches of a pattern in my own life. I'm also hesistant to draw conclusions or make general diagnoses... Of course, each connection is unique, and a lot depends on the particular people involved and the particular way a network relates... Also I don't expect other people would necessarily feel the same way I do about sexual relationships.

I'm curious, though, whether anyone else has had experiences that made them wonder a similar thing about themselves.
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  #556  
Old 07-06-2014, 03:10 PM
KC43 KC43 is offline
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As you say, each connection and each person is unique. You've recognized something about yourself that's important to know, and possibly important to convey to your partners. Especially, in my opinion, if you have a primary partner whose sexual time with you might be negatively impacted by the NRsexualE.

Personally, Hubby and I have experienced exactly the opposite; when we've had sex with others, we've come back to each other more eager for sex than before. Partly because "Hey, wow, other people find me sexy!", which made each of us more confident about ourselves and therefore with each other, and partly because after being with someone outside that core relationship, we felt a need to reconnect sexually with one another. Through experiences with nonjudgmental, non-emotionally-connected partners, he and I discovered some aspects of our sexual interests that we either hadn't been aware of or hadn't been willing to express to each other; exploring those with others gave us the freedom and confidence to share with each other, and that enriched our sex life as well.
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  #557  
Old 07-06-2014, 05:39 PM
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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When I got with sam I noticed that I didn't really want to have sex with nate. Something about not liking him and feeling disconnected but nate was non the wiser, I still faked it and continued the daily sex. Man those first few weeks I was doing it like 15 times a week between the two of them lol. Once the nre wore off ny feelings of affection came back for nate
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  #558  
Old 07-06-2014, 05:42 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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I also tend to experience the opposite. When I have sex, I just want more sex. My libido increases exponentially when I'm with new partners, and that libido increase is across the board - not just in regard to the new.

There are times when I have felt less interested in Hubby, though, when HE'S had new partners/interests. I think I'm a bit more territorial than I'd like to be.
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  #559  
Old 07-06-2014, 09:38 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing View Post
There are times when I have felt less interested in Hubby, though, when HE'S had new partners/interests. I think I'm a bit more territorial than I'd like to be.
This happened with my ex-metamour. She, however, would get very upset when this caused him (naturally) to have MORE sex with me. After all, he still had his needs :-p

Did you experience any sort of bad cycles like this (specifically regarding your sex life with him, not your emotional closeness)? The closer he got to her, the more you lost interest in him...the more he sought her out....the more you pulled away sexually...? Did this in any way cause your sex life to take longer to recover...? Or is something like that more to do with a person who ultimately doesn't want/can't handle poly?

(Mind you, in my case, this wasn't something that happened instantly, it happened over several months, so we didn't quite realize until after the fact how much his being with me, was affecting her with him. We thought she had just checked out of the relationship because she no longer had feelings for him.)

Last edited by PolyinPractice; 07-06-2014 at 09:40 PM.
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  #560  
Old 07-06-2014, 11:18 PM
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Bluebird Bluebird is offline
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Definitely for me, the more sex I am having, the higher my libido seems to climb. So if PunkRockAwesomesauce and I are going crazy for each other, I bring that into my relationship with DarkKnight. However, if I have a hankering for one of my guys specifically - if he's been teasing me all night - I find it very difficult to take those directed feelings and be intimate with the other. They know this, and if we are out together, they'll sometimes take turns flirting shamelessly with me to get my emotions high. I have no idea what to do - I get very confused as to which one to focus on and they laugh about it. Jerkfaces.
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