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Old 05-25-2014, 04:23 PM
Lovewithus Lovewithus is offline
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 5
Default Just found out I'm sorta in a polygamous relationship...

Hey everyone. I'm here for three reasons.
1)the woman I love, the one I've physically dreamed about since I was a kid is an unlabeled "poly". She is with people not a certain sex. I am trying to learn how to be a part of this type of relationship.
2) she just came back from a trip and told me she fell in love with her friend she went on an epic road trip with to the desert. Normal relationships this would be the end. She says she loves me but not in those words (quoting Shakespeare, helping me take care of my place, my car, or even my business (not finacially).
But I see how she gets when they text.
3) she can't physically be with him (even though she's very the type to drop everything and move somewhere for something.) so she's here with me. I need to know how to get over the jealousy I have for him. He didn't do anything wrong. He didn't know she was even talking to me at the time. But I can't seem to make her feel the way she feels about him.
He sends cute notes and pictures, and she beams... I do that and she just smiles and says thanks.

I'm open to this but I need to know how to deal with the "2nd place" feeling I'm getting.

I also need to go out and meet someone like minded who I can have outside of her...

So I guess I'm here for a lot of reasons. But the biggest is I love a woman that loves so many and everyone wants her.... I need to find out how to stand out and also be more accepting of. All that comes with being poly..

Any help is greatly appreciated.
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Old 05-30-2014, 12:15 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,772

Greetings Lovewithus,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You need to have more confidence about just being you, rather than feel like you need to pump yourself up somehow to "keep up with the competition." Polyamory isn't supposed to be a competition. Each partner brings their own unique gifts to the table. It's a natural process.

To some extent you'll also need some independence for the times when she's off seeing the other guy. Look for things you'd enjoy doing with your "me-time." You can of course seek out an additional partner of your own, but be sure that your heart's in it before you do.

A few resources to that end:
I hope these ideas are helpful. I think you'll find that there's a wide range of people here who truly want to help. Tap into that resource, and let people know what helps the most.

Kevin T., "official greeter"


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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open relationship, poly

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