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Old 04-16-2010, 10:02 PM
biglover biglover is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 17
Question Broken Rules?

Hello there everyone.

This is my first post. My partner and i have been slowly piecing together being in a working open relationship. We have rules and such and some very easy ones that i want to touch on.

1 shower after you've been with someone before you see each other again.

2 change the bedding that was used.

Now i firmly believe that out of cleanliness and courtesy that this is not a lot to ask for. However, I have come into a problem.

I had someone over and had laid out a duvet cover to as a splatt mat so to speak. After the engagement was over, the duvet was removed and replaced by a clean one.

now the problem is that when the question came up several days later, i was asked if i had changed the "sheets". I replied yes i changed the duvet that we fooled around on.

You see she was worried because she had come into contact with the bed while taking care of me sick in bed.


The actual intention of the rule was to change everything regardless of whether it had been touched or not. I did not understand the absolute detail of this and was accused of purposely breaking a rule. especially since i did not at least warn my partner that the "sheets" hadn't been changed.

I was sick and not mentally aware,but how can i warn her of something if i thought i was doing everything right? We raged in a long dispute that bore no good and left me with the first and worst panick or anxiety attack/ pain in my entire torso i have ever encountered.

I understand now the implications of how upset she is and i've apologized, but i feel wrongfully accused of being a rule breaker. She has said she doesn't know what to do with all this and neither do i. I have never in my life had an "attack" as the one i am still enduring. on top of this she wants me to wash her leather jacket because it may have been in contact with the opposite side of the duvet cover i messed around on.

Is this an overreaction to a small detail, or is it legitimate? I have spoken to some other friends and they have said i'm in the right, but is there some giant poly no-no that i just committed?

Lost and bewildered...

PS I think i put this in the wrongforum earlier. sorry
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