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  #331  
Old 05-23-2014, 04:12 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
When I was open to dating I met people in real life.

I met my husband Murf through the classic car scene.
I love that visual. Classic car scene ..

I am pretty much the same way, traditional worked for me.

I have met a few people online, but I also was never looking at the time. One was through my communication on this site and the other was okc.

In all cases, ever.. the only time I have ever hooked up with anyone is when I wasn't looking....

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Hes mey someone off fetlife and a couple new people from a stat trek convention. Seems the fet, geeky, or pagan scenes are great places to meet open minded people.
I have more or less heard this as well, and my friends also meet up this way. It seems that going to events and places where you can find a common interest outside of simply being poly.. helps. Conferences, meetups etc.

Geeks, pagans, larping etc...
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  #332  
Old 05-23-2014, 09:14 PM
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Bluebird Bluebird is offline
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I've dated a few guys on OKC, a couple on FetLife. My current boyfriend I met in the real world, by chance. Definitely on OKC I am slammed with messages, just keep trying!
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  #333  
Old 05-23-2014, 11:05 PM
ClockworkDragon ClockworkDragon is offline
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OKC has been pretty productive for my husband. He went out with a girl last night who ended up being pretty good; they even made it to the bedroom, and while it ended before they were ready to, they both want to do it again. He went on another date earlier in the week.

I guess it depends on a lot of factors; if you're in a smaller area, it's going to be harder, just because there's not a lot of people. OKC doesn't show me anymore useful matches, it's the same ones. I'm not dating, atm though. The key to those is usually going to be an attractive profile. Be funny, honest, and verbose. Two lines and a bathroom selfie are not going to attract the ladies. YOu have a huge amount of competition, so you have to stand out.

I've heard similar things, though; OKC is about the best option as far as online dating goes, but it's still less than fantastic.
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  #334  
Old 05-24-2014, 08:14 AM
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MisterT MisterT is offline
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ClockworkDragon: It's interesting you say OKC has been productive for your husband. Does he just send a lot of messages and play the numbers game? Does he only send messages to people who are poly?

I wonder if it's partly a US vs UK thing. I live near one of the biggest cities in the UK, but there just isn't a big poly scene it seems. There doesn't seem to be very many poly or non-mono people on OKC who live nearby.

I've played with my profile quite a bit, and I think my photos are pretty good ... the profile picture I'm using here is an example. In terms of the written profile, opinions vary it seems. Some people say you should write lots to get something that clicks with someone. Others say keep it short and fairly mysterious. Person A tells me to put something in, Person B tells me to take it out ...

I will definitely try exploring some of the fet, geek and pagan scenes ... those are good tips
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  #335  
Old 05-24-2014, 05:30 PM
Tomcat27 Tomcat27 is offline
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OKC can be really frustrating for me, especially since I feel like I can't really describe myself in an online profile. My Partner gets all sorts of messages, and she is constantly on her phone sifting through the messages.

She told me that she has met some great men on the site, and I kind of want to see their profiles to see what works. For her it's more of an interest thing, and she dates people who can teach her new things regarding her specific interests.

I too have noticed that OKC might not be the best way to meet women. I've been on a few dates, and some of them have been misleading regarding their physical features or personalities. It has been discouraging, but now I consider to be a type of entertainment than anything. If something comes out of it great, if not, it's something to do.

The funny thing is that my partner has just as hard of a time connecting with other females on OKC than I do (she is pan sexual). Online dating gives people the opportunity to be choosey, and perhaps women are just more selective than men (just an observations and I know it's a generalization which is not fact).

I've also used the site to address and confront issues of rejection. It's alright, there are people out there that would love to be with me, and I also feel if most of the women that I have contacted gave me a chance, they would dig who I am. Their loss really.
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  #336  
Old 05-25-2014, 12:39 AM
ClockworkDragon ClockworkDragon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterT View Post
ClockworkDragon: It's interesting you say OKC has been productive for your husband. Does he just send a lot of messages and play the numbers game? Does he only send messages to people who are poly?
He's targeted towards poly people anyway by questions, but he's talked to many non-poly people, with varying degrees of success. Honestly, it IS a numbers game... dating just is, anyway!

The woman he met thursday is poly... her husband came home while they were together, and while it kinda killed the mood, they hung out and talked a good bit after.

Quote:
I wonder if it's partly a US vs UK thing. I live near one of the biggest cities in the UK, but there just isn't a big poly scene it seems. There doesn't seem to be very many poly or non-mono people on OKC who live nearby.
It's very regional. There's a larger poly community where I am than I expected it, but there are vastly more north, in Atlanta.
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  #337  
Old 05-25-2014, 12:45 AM
ClockworkDragon ClockworkDragon is offline
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Originally Posted by Tomcat27 View Post
OKC can be really frustrating for me, especially since I feel like I can't really describe myself in an online profile. My Partner gets all sorts of messages, and she is constantly on her phone sifting through the messages.

She told me that she has met some great men on the site, and I kind of want to see their profiles to see what works. For her it's more of an interest thing, and she dates people who can teach her new things regarding her specific interests.
That is also likely male vs female; by default, women will get more responses from men. All I have to do is switch my preferences from "bisexual women only" to "everybody" and I'm swamped with men.

Quote:
I too have noticed that OKC might not be the best way to meet women. I've been on a few dates, and some of them have been misleading regarding their physical features or personalities. It has been discouraging, but now I consider to be a type of entertainment than anything. If something comes out of it great, if not, it's something to do.
That happened with the first girl my husband dated. She made no mention of her BDSM tendencies (which are extreme, and she's looking for a master), and she'd gained about 50 lbs since her photos were posted. I never understood that. Why on earth would you want people to be that startled-- negatively? Some folks have mentioned they have a hard time getting people to meet... they just want to talk.

The funny thing is that my partner has just as hard of a time connecting with other females on OKC than I do (she is pan sexual). Online dating gives people the opportunity to be choosey, and perhaps women are just more selective than men (just an observations and I know it's a generalization which is not fact).

I've also used the site to address and confront issues of rejection. It's alright, there are people out there that would love to be with me, and I also feel if most of the women that I have contacted gave me a chance, they would dig who I am. Their loss really.[/QUOTE]
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  #338  
Old 05-25-2014, 10:31 PM
Sanantha09 Sanantha09 is offline
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Default How to find people to date while in an open marriage

My husband and I are new to the open marriage scene. We agreed a few months ago that we wanted to keep our relationship as our primary focus but have occasional sexual escapades outside of our marriage, with each other's knowledge and restrict it to once with any one person. So far it is working for us! Our own relationship is stronger and we are even having better axe with each other.

My question is....what is the best way to meet other individuals interested in unattached sex? Online sites have been frustrating for my husband since you gave to weed through scams and there seem to be less women into that then men. Bars gave been successful for me but I hate wasting my precious little time outside of my work and my family, sitting and waiting at a bar for a suitable man. Then I haven't figured out how to explain the open marriage thing. I hate bring dishonest about it.

Help, what would be the most effective for us?
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  #339  
Old 05-25-2014, 11:27 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Originally Posted by Sanantha09 View Post
Help, what would be the most effective for us?
Look for swinger groups in your area.
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  #340  
Old 05-25-2014, 11:33 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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I have no problems with others who practice nsa sex. More power to you not my cup of tea.

But this site is about Polyamory. People who either have, had, or want multiple emotional relationships with others. Or are involved with a partner who has more than one partner.

This question is best asked on a swingers site.
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