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  #351  
Old 05-23-2014, 07:30 AM
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MisterT MisterT is offline
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Default Poly Dating: how to meet people?

Hello,

I'm pretty new to non-monogamy and currently single. I'm wondering if people on these forums have any tips on how to go about dating as a poly-curious person?

Firstly, I've tried online dating (OkCupid) and it has honestly been an incredibly soul destroying experience. I've sent out several dozen well-considered messages to openly non-monogamous girls (single and non-single) over the last 4 months and yet I've had pretty much no replies at all. Which kind of sucks ... so alternative approach needed.

I've also been to my local poly meetup, which was interesting but it seems to be a small community and they only meet once a month.

So ... I'm running out of ideas. Should I try the more "conventional" dating scene, speed dating or something? Knowing that my interest in poly is probably going to get me a lot of rejection? Is there some other approach people can recommend? Are there any groups that are not exactly poly but likely to be poly-friendly? What I'd really like to do is find a community of poly-friends in my area. Let me know your ideas!



MisterT

Last edited by MisterT; 05-23-2014 at 11:33 AM.
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  #352  
Old 05-23-2014, 01:24 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterT View Post
Firstly, I've tried online dating (OkCupid) and it has honestly been an incredibly soul destroying experience. I've sent out several dozen well-considered messages to openly non-monogamous girls (single and non-single) over the last 4 months and yet I've had pretty much no replies at all. Which kind of sucks ... so alternative approach needed.
That is the way of online dating from the male perspective. Over the past few years of having my OKCupid profile up I've sent out countless emails, had a few admirers, and went on 3 dates which turned out to be even remotely interesting (2 more which were plainly a bad match). So if getting dates is your goal as a male I'd say a patient approach is the only reasonable suggestion.

There is no easy way that I'm aware of to meet people who have a compatible worldview to mine, our personalities blend well together, AND that we have good romantic chemistry. Certainly living in Texas it's a lot to hope for.
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Old 05-23-2014, 01:33 PM
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Also, a previous thread on Poly Dating. Do a search (top banner) to find more results. I just did a tag search "dating" and this one popped up a few down the list.
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  #354  
Old 05-23-2014, 01:46 PM
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Default 195 96446992

^^ Ooops looks like I typed the captcha into the wrong box :-S


Glad it's not just me that's struggled with online dating.

I hadn't spotted that post, I'm reading through now, pretty long thread. Thanks

Last edited by MisterT; 05-23-2014 at 01:55 PM.
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  #355  
Old 05-23-2014, 01:54 PM
icesong icesong is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterT View Post
Firstly, I've tried online dating (OkCupid) and it has honestly been an incredibly soul destroying experience. I've sent out several dozen well-considered messages to openly non-monogamous girls (single and non-single) over the last 4 months and yet I've had pretty much no replies at all. Which kind of sucks ... so alternative approach needed.
Unfortunately, I've heard that from pretty much every male I've ever discussed the issue of OKC with - I don't know WHY the numbers are so very skewed, but nonetheless that seems to be the case. (From the female perspective, well, let's just say the noise-to-signal ratio is REALLY high so there's a decent shot the women you're messaging may or may not even notice your messages.

No real suggestions for you, just commiseration; if it makes you feel any better I can tell you that OKC can pay off, I've met both of my most recent partners through there as did my husband (though he tells me it took him far more messaging and "work" than mine did...)
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  #356  
Old 05-23-2014, 02:00 PM
Inyourendo Inyourendo is online now
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Nate mostly meets ladies online but its more of a friend approach. Hes mey someone off fetlife and a couple new people from a stat trek convention. Seems the fet, geeky, or pagan scenes are great places to meet open minded people.
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  #357  
Old 05-23-2014, 04:08 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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When I was open to dating I met people in real life.

I met my husband Murf through the classic car scene.
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  #358  
Old 05-23-2014, 04:12 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
When I was open to dating I met people in real life.

I met my husband Murf through the classic car scene.
I love that visual. Classic car scene ..

I am pretty much the same way, traditional worked for me.

I have met a few people online, but I also was never looking at the time. One was through my communication on this site and the other was okc.

In all cases, ever.. the only time I have ever hooked up with anyone is when I wasn't looking....

Quote:
Hes mey someone off fetlife and a couple new people from a stat trek convention. Seems the fet, geeky, or pagan scenes are great places to meet open minded people.
I have more or less heard this as well, and my friends also meet up this way. It seems that going to events and places where you can find a common interest outside of simply being poly.. helps. Conferences, meetups etc.

Geeks, pagans, larping etc...
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  #359  
Old 05-23-2014, 09:14 PM
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Bluebird Bluebird is offline
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I've dated a few guys on OKC, a couple on FetLife. My current boyfriend I met in the real world, by chance. Definitely on OKC I am slammed with messages, just keep trying!
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  #360  
Old 05-23-2014, 11:05 PM
ClockworkDragon ClockworkDragon is offline
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OKC has been pretty productive for my husband. He went out with a girl last night who ended up being pretty good; they even made it to the bedroom, and while it ended before they were ready to, they both want to do it again. He went on another date earlier in the week.

I guess it depends on a lot of factors; if you're in a smaller area, it's going to be harder, just because there's not a lot of people. OKC doesn't show me anymore useful matches, it's the same ones. I'm not dating, atm though. The key to those is usually going to be an attractive profile. Be funny, honest, and verbose. Two lines and a bathroom selfie are not going to attract the ladies. YOu have a huge amount of competition, so you have to stand out.

I've heard similar things, though; OKC is about the best option as far as online dating goes, but it's still less than fantastic.
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