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  #1  
Old 05-16-2014, 01:35 AM
zanegosda zanegosda is offline
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Default In over my head

My name is Zane I am 29 years old, and have been married to my wife for 10 years and we have two beautiful children. About 6 months ago we started spending a lot of time with a female friend of ours who was in an abusive marriage. In the end she got divorced and moved in with us. I fell in love with her and my wife says she loves her (or "loved") her like a sister. All things got complicated and our friend left our home. Only to tell us one week later she is pregnant with my child. Now she is moving back home form out of state and my wife is threatening to leave me and take the kids if our friend lives with us... Im honestly trying to do the right thing. I love everyone involved. I'm just at a loss. I feel numb from crying at this point. I try talking to my wife but she just becomes hysterical and she has family telling her to leave me. Our friends family disowned her when the found out.

What do I do? I feel so stupid posting this online asking for help.. but I honestly am at a loss for what to do for the first time in my life.

Zane
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  #2  
Old 05-16-2014, 04:58 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings Zane,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Hmmm. That is a very difficult situation you are describing. I don't suppose it would be possible your friend could have her own place (nearby) and you could kind of switch back and forth between the two domiciles? What kind of issues did you and/or your wife have with your friend that caused your friend to move out in the first place?

I suppose worse could come to worst and your wife could demand that you permanently break up with this friend, on threat of divorce and taking custody of the kids. You can think ahead of time about what you would do, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

I think more details about your story and situation could potentially give us fellow members some more ideas about things you could try. If you're willing to share the info, I'd like to know exactly what's going on now, and what all led up to this point.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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  #3  
Old 05-16-2014, 10:52 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I second Kevin's request for more info. You must feel so alone and lost. If your relationship with the gf was approved by the wife, the pregnancy is a possible consequence, and she has a responsiblity in this too.

You sound like you need a hug! ((( hug))) You're not a monster.
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me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
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Old 05-18-2014, 06:15 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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I think the best thing to do is create a space for your girlfriend within your house; then, for all your sakes, find a place for her near you. And split your time, equally, between both houses.

You may need to get your girlfriend a nanny to support her, since it's your wife whose decided she can't live in a place where she can get constant support; that seems fair.
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  #5  
Old 05-22-2014, 12:30 AM
zanegosda zanegosda is offline
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Default Progress

So its been about a week and things are slowly working out. My wife did move out with the kids for a few days. Then the "family" she was staying with learned the whole story and turned their backs on her. This just helped her realize that even though she may not be perfectly happy with how things turned out at home, she does have to take some responsibility since she was actively involved in the sex when this baby was conceived, and that the only family she can really rely on is me and our girlfriend. As time goes on and things improve I will try to update my progress with both girls and the family/families.

Zane
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  #6  
Old 05-22-2014, 01:28 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Location: Yelm, Washington
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Sorry to hear that your wife's family wasn't very supportive. I'm sure that's hard for her. Things must be kinda bad if she moved out for a few days. Keep us posted on what's going on and I hope things will gradually improve.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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