What I think I want

[StarGazer]

Originally Posted by Mark1npt

Wha???? If you are physically healthy, why did you take something for your sex drive? You expected it to change your orientation? Wha??? You sound confused inside.

*sighs* No. I took something that, as a side effect, increased my sex drive. The main goal was to help me build muscle and improve performance in weight training, which it did. And, that side effect didn't change my sexual orientation. I would never take something specifically to raise my sex drive.

Regarding your asexuality....you knew you were asexual before you were sexually abused???? At what age were you aware???? These are some serious issues at work here.

What age do you think I was sexually abused? I'm not talking about it happening at 5 or 10. What- can I not know until I'm 50? I was 15 at the time. Yes, not the oldest of the old- but if a 15 year old told you they were gay, would you tell them they can't know? I knew. And after spending a long time to get past it, seeing several therapists, and having my asexuality remain a constant- I still know what I am.

You seem to misunderstand and misrepresent my position. I don't give a flip about people's orientation.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation, just as valid as hetero/homo/bi/pan/anything else.

If you don't make love then you don't have "lovers", IMO.

I just said I don't have lovers. I have partners.

And, btw....if you have sex....any kind of sex, even if it's meaningless sex to make your sexual partner happy.......then you're not asexual! You may not enjoy it but you're not asexual.

Asexuality is about sexual attraction. If a straight man had sex wiht another man- for whatever reason- that doesn't make him gay. It doesn't even make him bi unless the reason was that he was sexually attracted to this man. It makes him a straight man who had sex with a man for some reason.

[StarGazer]

Originally Posted by XYZ123

I've gone through phases like this on and off in my life, during which I would have considered myself as asexual. During some of these phases I DID engage in sex, not because I wanted or needed the sexual gratification, but because my partner at the time did and it gratified me to make my partner happy in whatever way I could, including sharing my body. But I didn't feel the usual physical pleasure associated with sex. I wasn't adverse to it. I simply could "take it or leave it", but would have left it if up to me.

Am I hitting the nail a bit closer to the head here StarGazer?

Yeah, that's pretty much it. You don't want to have sex for sex's sake- but you have a partner who has a need, and you do your best to fulfill it, just like it in any relationship.

[vandalin]

Asexual: A person who does not experience sexual attraction.
http://www.asexuality.org/home/overview.html

[Mark1npt]

You answered your own question, you have a mental illness. You are bipolar, thus the reason for your "asexuality" due to no desire to have sex. It doesn't mean it's wrong to be asexual, it's just you have a def reason why you are. I rest my case.

[StarGazer]

Originally Posted by vandalin

Asexual: A person who does not experience sexual attraction.
http://www.asexuality.org/home/overview.html

Thank you.

[XYZ123]

Originally Posted by Mark1npt

You answered your own question, you have a mental illness. You are bipolar, thus the reason for your "asexuality" due to no desire to have sex. It doesn't mean it's wrong to be asexual, it's just you have a def reason why you are. I rest my case.

Ummmm no. Look up bipolar. During the course of the illness there are many many many stable periods, even years, where a person does not suffer from any mental/emotional upset. I had asexual points during ups, downs, and periods of stability all. Which leads me to the conclusion-I was just asexual.

I'm not trying to fight. I did just start as a member. But you seem unnaturally disturbed by the notion of asexuality. Do you associate poly love with poly sex? I was under the impression that in truly polyamoros people sex equals love but love does not have to equal sex. (Isn't this what the two arms of a V are to eachother?) Love without sex is still love. Sex without love is closer to swinging.

[Mark1npt]

Semantics here.....my comment about being bi-polar was directed at XYZ not you Stargazer. Please read all thru the posts. If it wasn't clear I'm sorry. And it makes no diff if you have lucid periods or are in remission of your bi-polar-ness, you are still bi-polar abd have a mental illness. An alcoholic who no longer drinks is still an alcoholic.

Regarding "asexuality", my definition is someone who doesn't want sex. Can you have poly love, yes. Can you fully experience poly love without sex, no. That is an impossiblity. It is the deepest expression of love there is. Holding hands, just doesn't cut it, on that level. But do what works for you. I don't care. It's what makes you happy and fulfilled. There is no right or wrong. Makes no diff if you're bi, asexual, gay, straight, makes no diff........

I agree that sex without love is only swinging, I don't think you'll get any argument from the people on this forum. This is not about "open relationships".

[XYZ123]

*sigh*
Perhaps I am neither bi nor poly either than Mark. Perhaps it is all just a product of my mental illness? Perhaps we are all madmen....
I respect you have your own opinion. But trying to label something as a problem or a disorder of sorts because you don't understand it (in this case asexuality) is still just that. You're putting a negative connotation on another person's lifestyle. A lifestyle that is not hurting anyone.
Essentially Stargazer is here because she/he (? do you have a preference Star?) is looking for a supportive environment. And you are saying what s/he feels is either not possible or is a "problem". Don't we all suffer enough of that as it is?
With that I retire myself from this roundabout discussion. It's gone far too off topic as is. Thank you for the convo.

[StarGazer]

Originally Posted by Mark1npt

Semantics here.....my comment about being bi-polar was directed at XYZ not you Stargazer. Please read all thru the posts. If it wasn't clear I'm sorry.

It wasn't clear, I reread the post and thread to be sure, and realized you weren't talking to me so I edited that out.

Regarding "asexuality", my definition is someone who doesn't want sex.

An asexual is a person who doesn't experience sexual attraction. "Want" is a very vague thing. You can want to please your partner and fulfill their needs within a relationship can result in wanting to have sex with your partner for that sake. An asexual can want to have sex under certain circumstances, but they don't experience sexual attraction. That is the difference.

It is the deepest expression of love there is.

It can be a very deep expression of love between two people who see sex as an expression of love and are in love, I won't debate that. It can also be an expression of "I'm horny, lonely, and desperate. You'll do".

Cuddling on the couch while watching a movie you both love, or a movie you both hate but love taking the piss out of, is a much deeper expression of love for many asexuals.

Also, expressions of love aren't love. It helps remind you of the love, that your partner loves you and how much you love htem, but it isn't love itself. Poly love is about love not the expressions thereof, because different people have different ways of expressing love and different needs in terms of what expressions make them feel loved.