She had mentioned that she and David have been together 15 years. I responded that I've only been with Ginger 2 1/2 years, and how in some ways, I feel like I barely know him. God knows, he's done some unexpected things in the past year, and I've felt out of the loop.
Also I shared this jealousy link with both her and Ginger yesterday.
I've been reading and rereading it. I want to determine what both Ginger and I are doing or not doing to have created this disconnect in our relationship.
It's easy to pinpoint what Ginger is doing that results in my feeling hurt and shocked and blindsided over and over again.
He is carried away by his NRE. He was so into her Saturday night, he didnt stop to think going to the next stage of intimacy with her the night before my daughter's unexpected wedding might just add more stress to me than I was already under. Almost unbearable stress and pain.
I don't feel great that, while I was dealing with the wedding stress, he went ahead and had a date with Carla both Thursday and Saturday, right before the wedding on Sunday.
He has also dismissed my feelings. I posted here how he laughed multiple times at my pain when we had that 6 hour relationship discussion. I know, as an Apsie, my emotions seemed kind of ridiculous to him. He couldn't help but laugh in a scoffing way.
Also he is not being reliable, just doing his thing without checking in with me. 2 of his last 3 sexually intimate dates, I did not know about until after the fact! Also, he "came home" (ie: signed off chat) 2 hours later last Saturday than I expected, and didn't say good night.
He also has cursed at me, telling me, "fuck you," and to "fuck off." Plus during the face to face talk, at one point he put his face and his finger in my face and yelled at me in a very aggressive manner.
To his credit, he has also been extra loving, telling me he loves me much more (altho I have mixed feelings about that... it seems like he's saying it just to butter me up). But he has been willing to have difficult talks about all his dating, the mess of dating a person new to poly, etc., etc. He has taken responsibility for mistakes he's made.
For example, when we had the long talk, I mentioned how it took me 3 years of dating to find him, "Mr Right." His response to that indicated he did not like being thought of as so right for me, and said it felt like "pressure." Which of course, hurt me, as it felt like my love for him was inconveniencing him rather than warming him. I don't feel I have been co-dependent. After all, I've got miss pixi, I've got hobbies and a job and volunteer work, etc. So, yesterday, he apologized for feeling this way, and said it's his shit that he has to work through. He "loves that I love him."
However, him not feeling well before and now, after, the surgery, has definitely hampered our emotional and physical connection. Even if he wasn't in NRE with Carla, this health issue would be challenging.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw
me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
Last edited by Magdlyn; 05-16-2014 at 01:41 PM.