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  #471  
Old 05-02-2014, 01:02 PM
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Mya Mya is offline
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So, next week I have an OKC date (a totally new person that I haven't mentioned here yet) and I'm meeting up with Oliver. Cool, plans! I like this.
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  #472  
Old 05-06-2014, 12:43 AM
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The OKC date went really well! I had such a good time. I'll name him Ray. He's queer and genderqueer. Smart and cute. Very very cute. Quite a lot younger than me. Has a high sex drive, like me. More dates with him coming up.
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  #473  
Old 05-07-2014, 05:09 PM
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Again I find myself wondering how much is too much. I know I've written about that in this blog several times, but it keeps coming up when situations change. Me and rory talked about this and at the moment we both think we get quite a nice amount of time together. We decided to only organise a date night if it feels like we wouldn't get time otherwise. Quite often we just hang out at home together without needing a specific date night. We did make plans this week though since I had a date with Ray on Monday and one with Oliver coming up tomorrow, so I'm home less than usually. With Hank I feel like I definitely need a date night once a week. He can often be quite withdrawing, so I feel like we probably wouldn't get enough time together if we didn't set aside a date night.

Ray and I have been chatting quite a lot since our first date. It looks like he's coming to my place the next time we see each other, which then obviously also means that he gets to meet my partners. At least it's out of the way pretty quickly, we don't have to especially arrange him to meet them. I like Ray and I feel there's definitely potential there to become a regular thing. There's one thing I haven't felt in quite a while with a new person (meaning not including my partners): I think we want same things and feel the same way about each other. We're both enthusiastic about seeing each other again. There are no mixed messages or insecurity about whether there's mutual attraction. That feels good. Before we kissed the first time, he asked "Do you think there's a spark between you and me?", and I said "Yes, definitely." We'll see how much time we're able to get with each other. He has one partner and one other person he's just started dating, so we both have scheduling to do.

I just had quite a difficult conversation with Maxine last week where I said I don't have romantic feelings for her and I feel a bit pressured in our FWB situation, because I get the feeling she'd like it to be more. She said she does have romantic feelings for me but obviously doesn't want to pressure me. She would still like to have sex sometimes if I want to. And I do, but I fear that I'm taking advantage of her feelings. We agreed that sex shouldn't be expected from now on, it happens if it happens, but I just need to feel less pressure in order to be able to do anything. We'll see how that goes.

Noah hasn't gotten back to me about meeting up, so I've decided to mentally let him go. I like him, but it's not looking like our feelings are on the same level, so best not to concentrate on him too much. I'll still see him if he wants to, but I'm done making moves on him. It's okay if we stay just as casual as we've been so far.

Things are in a flux all the time. I don't know what's too much, as long as I'm enjoying myself and not hurting other people too much while doing so. Or burn myself out.
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  #474  
Old 05-09-2014, 01:05 PM
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So Oliver is not interested in anything other than friendship with me. To be honest, during our date I started to feel disinterested in the romantic sense, too, even though I was initially interested in him. But it was nice to talk and hang out, I genuinely hope we can hang out again as friends some time. A big part of me feels relieved about this outcome. Ray is on my mind a lot, and I want to make time for him and not fill up my schedule with everything else.
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  #475  
Old 05-14-2014, 03:28 PM
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A couple of days ago we had a super poly evening. First me, rory and Lily hung out at our place and me and Lily talked about our new interests, me about Ray and Lily about a guy she's recently started seeing. It was cool to share those things with her. Then Lily left and Hank came home. Him, me and rory stayed up quite late talking about various topics. One of them was Hank's new interest. Me and rory were encouraging him to send a message to this person, which he eventually did. So much compersion going on. <3 I love it when we can be supportive of each other's new crushes/relationships like this. For me it definitely adds another layer of why poly is awesome.

Also, second date with Ray in two days, can't wait! We've been talking every day since our first date. I have a good feeling about this.
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  #476  
Old 05-14-2014, 11:39 PM
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Yes, poly is awesome! Feeling it so much. <3
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  #477  
Old 05-15-2014, 05:34 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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I love reading this blog so much. The love and kindness shines from it.
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  #478  
Old 05-15-2014, 08:46 AM
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Aaw, thanks InfinitePossibility! That's very sweet of you to say.
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  #479  
Old 10-14-2014, 11:57 AM
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Hey all, it's been a while. I haven't updated in a long time because Hank told about this blog to a friend of his and that made me feel a bit too vulnerable to write anything since I now know that this person can read everything I write here. But I guess I've gotten over it now, at least to some degree.

So, what has happened in these 5 months?

I'm still seeing Ray, but our relationship has definitely taken a different form than I thought in the beginning. That's fine of course, but maybe a little unexpected. So we've ended up more in the fwb/casual partner type category. I do like him and he seems to like me, but his life has been very rocky for the last few months, so he hasn't had much time or energy for me. We'll see what happens if/when things in his life settle down at some point.

I've had a new partner for the last 2 months or so. This person identifies as non-binary (not man or a woman), so I'll use 'they' pronouns when writing about them and I'll call them Sol. We met first a year ago in a poly event but only saw each other in passing after that. Then we talked properly for the first time in a non-poly event a couple of months ago. After that I looked at their Facebook page and followed the link there to their music. I listened to it, bought their album and really liked it. Then I sent Sol a message saying how much I liked their music. Such a talented person. That's how we got to talking more, decided to meet up and have been in quite an intense relationship ever since. It's been a bit up and down, and even though we've only been together for 2 months, I feel like we've worked so hard for this relationship already. There are some things we're somewhat incompatible in, but we're trying to find ways around them because we have strong feelings for each other and really want to be together. It hasn't been easy, but I hope this lasts.

Then, rory told Hank first and then me that she's in love with Hank. Hank doesn't feel the same way, but he isn't in any way bothered by it. They will still continue being good friends like so far. Both rory and Hank seem to be really mature about it, but I was the one freaking out about it - again. I don't really want to get to the bottom of it here, but let's just say that I'm much better now. Me and rory took a weekend trip together which was really good for reconnecting. She helped me process my feelings around this and I came back from the trip feeling much better. It's alright, feelings happen, what can you do.

That aside, our living together has been pretty much perfect. All of us really like having each other around.

Rory and Lily decided to stop calling each other partners. They still care about each other and see each other semi-regularly, but they felt that partner isn't the most accurate word to describe their relationship. I'll let rory tell you more about it if she wants.

Also, Hank and I went to a big bisexual event a few months ago and we both met someone there. The event was in a city quite far from Dream City, and so were the people we met. Actually both of them live almost as far as you can go (to different directions) within the same country. *sigh* I had a really good time with the woman I met there, let's call her Thea. It was a weekend-long event and she spent both nights in my room. I'm quite smitten with her, but she does live far away. We've kept in contact and I'm planning to go visit her some time, but there are no expectations there. We're not dating or anything. Just...people who have chemistry who are getting to know each other long-distance. Hank has already visited the person he met in the event. Let's call her Uma. Hank and Uma haven't defined their relationship yet, I guess they're still seeing where it's going. I've talked to Uma too in the event and she seems really nice.
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Last edited by Mya; 10-14-2014 at 12:23 PM.
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  #480  
Old 10-14-2014, 07:13 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Glad to hear from you!
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