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  #41  
Old 05-01-2014, 03:22 AM
elemental elemental is offline
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Default the last word

So I just got off the phone with a local RCMP constable. Seems Cinder called them complaining of me harassing her, defaming her. She doesnít like me telling my story here, doesnít like my version of the truth. So now she is threating me with the police. Again. She doesnít want me on these boards.

So this will be my last post about the chronological timeline of my relationship with Cinder. Iím going to sum it up quick. We tried to reconcile, and the same controlling dynamic came up, so I was out. Forever.

So now I wait and wait and wait. Contemplate civil action for non-payment of settlement. Sigh. How far we have fallen. It makes me so sad, but at the same time it is good. Time to really move on. Recounting this stuff has brought a lot of bad feelings and memories. I look forward to creating the life I want. The life I deserve.

I regret some of the things I have done since the break-up. I wish you felt the same way.

So Cinder, or Cinders minions, I say this. I will not contact, come by, look at, transvers, talk to and try not to think about you, your friends, family, loved ones, etc. This is goodbye forever. Have a happy life. I wish you nothing but the best.

To the police, or the courts, I say this. I never intended to harass, or hurt, or defame. This is just my feelings, my truth. Anonymously. I intend 100% to adhere by my side of the agreement. I wish she would too.

I will be writing more though, about my life, my loves, my struggles, my victories. I like writing here, overall it has been a good thing. If nothing else to get my thoughts out of my head and out into the world. Thanks for reading. It is important to remember we are all human beings, and deserve to be treated with fairness, dignity and respect. Always.
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  #42  
Old 05-01-2014, 05:42 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Oh, you've been very careful to keep it all anonymous. No one would be able to glean any identifying information from this thread, so how could it be defamation?
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  #43  
Old 05-01-2014, 01:13 PM
elemental elemental is offline
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Default defamation

NYcindie- It isn't defamation, at least not in my eyes. But that's Cinder, bending the world to better fit her version of reality. Using the Police as a big stick when she has no control of the situation. To me, she is turning into a dangerous sociopath. Or always was borderline and I never saw it.

I guess the harassment part is from me messaging Lily and Art. Lily was my lover at one time, so I reached out to her. Art, I just wanted to give him perspective, but I guess he is all in, considering he already has Cinders name tattooed on his chest. I'm sure he ran to her with the information to show what a good boy he is (pat pat).

The other thing is I drove by our old cabin yesterday. I work at the lake half a block away and it is on my way to another jobsite. I saw someone working there and stopped to say hello, not in an asshole harassing way but just as a human being. It was my project for two years and was curious about the plans for it. Apparently Art was there hiding in the shadows, and he told Cinder I was there. More ways to score points with Cinder.

I'm a straightforward guy. I like to deal with people in person, and am forthright. If I have a problem or a perceived problem with someone I deal with it. If I had known Art was there I would have been like " Art, you seem like a nice guy, I have no beef with you, good luck with Cinder and in the future". Man up. Not bitch out and run to mommy to call the fucking police on me. Again. For what? If that doesn't constitute harassment I don't know what does, using the police to be the heavy.

I just want to reiterate that all of the occurrences in this blog are real, documentable events that have happened to me. None of it is made up. I tried to be objective.
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  #44  
Old 05-01-2014, 06:48 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elemental View Post
NYcindie- It isn't defamation, at least not in my eyes. But that's Cinder, bending the world to better fit her version of reality. Using the Police as a big stick when she has no control of the situation. To me, she is turning into a dangerous sociopath. Or always was borderline and I never saw it.

I guess the harassment part is from me messaging Lily and Art. Lily was my lover at one time, so I reached out to her. Art, I just wanted to give him perspective, but I guess he is all in, considering he already has Cinders name tattooed on his chest. I'm sure he ran to her with the information to show what a good boy he is (pat pat).

The other thing is I drove by our old cabin yesterday. I work at the lake half a block away and it is on my way to another jobsite. I saw someone working there and stopped to say hello, not in an asshole harassing way but just as a human being. It was my project for two years and was curious about the plans for it. Apparently Art was there hiding in the shadows, and he told Cinder I was there. More ways to score points with Cinder.

I'm a straightforward guy. I like to deal with people in person, and am forthright. If I have a problem or a perceived problem with someone I deal with it. If I had known Art was there I would have been like " Art, you seem like a nice guy, I have no beef with you, good luck with Cinder and in the future". Man up. Not bitch out and run to mommy to call the fucking police on me. Again. For what? If that doesn't constitute harassment I don't know what does, using the police to be the heavy.

I just want to reiterate that all of the occurrences in this blog are real, documentable events that have happened to me. None of it is made up. I tried to be objective.
That just seems so strange to me how easily your country's law enforcement will get involved without true proof of any harassment. I guess that's great for those in domestic violence situations but here, at least in the Pac NW, it takes a lot more than that and usually someone like Cinder would be told to contact her attorney for defamation issues.

What a waste of your country's tax dollars to contact you over this. Seems like a chicken shit way out to glorify oneself. Just my opinion.
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  #45  
Old 05-01-2014, 10:00 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I am horrified at how both of you are acting. You admitted to being a liar and a cowboy in your first post on this board. "Cinder" told her side in her old blog, of your relationship and its demise. Now you are telling your side. But tattling to your former shared lover and her current one about both your blog and her new blog here, sounds vindictive.

I've read Cinder's old blog, before it was disappeared. Both of you have behaved in less than honorable ways. I do not think either of you are monsters. You're both very philosophical and into self growth and all kinds of stuff like that. But this he said she said... it's just sad.
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  #46  
Old 05-03-2014, 07:16 PM
elemental elemental is offline
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NYCindie - yes I have no interest in outing anyone.

Ali - Yes I think it sucks to be using the Police in this matter, and so do they. They take the domestic violence possibility very seriously, as they should. I have no problem with it from that perspective. I don't like the manipulation, but I am use to that by now so it doesn't faze me very much.

Mag - Why hello there. Yes I agree it was petty and vindictive to contact her lovers, and I own that. Like I said I backslid into the emotions and the irresponsible emotions and acting out that go with that. Hope to keep a lid on that in the future. But I'm not perfect lol.

Interesting that you take it as a "he said she said" kind of a thing. Primarily this blog is for me to work through my feelings and help me process. To document my story one last time to get it out of my guts as it where. I am not looking to drag on resentment into the rest of my life. I like to look at my actions and learn from them and move forward. It's funny you reference Cinders old blog, I remember one of the last posts was you taunting and calling me out for lurking, and that was one of the reasons to start my own story here. I was sick of not having a voice, and it would have been inappropriate to post in her blog.

My first posts on this forum where entirely motivated to mitigate Cinders upset at the time. I thought by prostrating myself in public I would assuage her upset. Turns out she and I have something in common with dishonesty at times.

Yes I agree that neither of us are monsters. We are both philosophical and into self growth / discovery. We have both done things I am sure we both regret. I hope one day we can forgive each other and at least be civil and kind to each other. One can only hope.

Worked a half day, now cleaning my pad and off to the city for a date with Chiquita. We are both pretty wound up and looking for some intimacy, so that should be a nice and restful weekend to get me ready for the grind of another week.
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  #47  
Old 05-07-2014, 06:15 AM
elemental elemental is offline
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Default Never forever

I am forgetting what my life use to be like. The priorities, the problems, the pressure, the processing. I am forgetting what it is like to be in partnership with someone. To feel so committed to someone, bonded to them, making a life together, two into one. Having anotherís influence on my life and the direction it was taking, the accumulated property and equity. The life plan. The grand romance and everyday intimacy. The expectations. The simple joys. The disappointments.

I spend most of my time alone. I have become more solitary without that constant companionship. Much quieter. I spend a lot of time thinking about what was and will be. I read a really good article on bbc world service about the death of purposeless walking in modern society, and its place in the history of mankind as a therapy, a way to let the mind wander, work things out. I find my walks with Tomo getting longer, today was damn near two hours, and that was after a 9h workday framing. The weather is becoming more amenable, and the light much longer as we approach the solstice. As I walk, I let my mind wander just as much as my feet. I let Tomo lead me where he wants to go sometimes, and I wonder who is walking who Let myself be distracted by the simple things. Song of bird, rustling wind, water in creek. These are the sound track to my forgetting.

I am hoping by forgetting I can get to the forgiving. This has gone on long enough. The dye is cast. There is nothing left to fight for. I am working hard at laying down my hatred. Sadly it can come so easily to me. Surely that is something to forget as well. How to hate someone that I once loved above all others.

Those words are like ashes in my mouth.

I can see I was rushing into dating a little bit there. I decided to slow down a little. Took my OKC profile down. Not going to pursue anyone. I have my lovers and friendships and managing that is enough interpersonal work I can handle right now. I think I was being disrespectful to Chi and Mz. Black and Raven. Been feeling a little run down lately, overwhelmed. I finally have the space to retreat to. Rest. Recover. That has only just begun I am realizing. I think simplifying things for the next 6-12 months is maybe a good idea. I can get financially stabilized and start to build the intention for the next phase of my life. I have been trying to think to the good things Cinder has brought to my life, even inadvertently. The people, places and opportunities. These are the things I want to build on. The hatred and resentment and bitterness will just rot me out from the inside. I want to be the change I wish to see in my life.

I have realized how much I have changed. I use to be a complete romantic, and considered love to be the pinnacle of human emotion and expression. That my intimate connection with a partner was the highest calling of existence. The biological drive. I donít feel at all like that anymore. I see love as useful as all the emotions, and am leery of over using its context. I feel more reserved, cautious about people and their emotional baggage. I have strong boundaries up. I say no to people. I canít see myself in any kind of partnership for a very long time. I wonder how that will impact how I will relate to woman, It seems so many men and women desperately want that LTR. To find the Ďoneí. I have given up on those ideals. Soul mates? I have no idea what that really means. Surely I will find out one day. Great loves? For sure. Great loves that last forever? I guess a love can last forever if you let it change and grow into what it wants to, according with how you feed it, nurture it. Iíll have to find out. But nothing is forever, we all have our shelf life. Never forever.
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  #48  
Old 05-07-2014, 05:41 PM
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BlackMagicBlonde BlackMagicBlonde is offline
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Great last paragraph; last few lines. Truth.

Ugh...I hate saying goodbye though. I hate the knife of severance.

Sorry...that's random.
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  #49  
Old 05-09-2014, 02:23 AM
elemental elemental is offline
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Default first world problems

Black Magic Ė thanks for your kind words. I try to get to my truth on here. Iím not looking to throw up a front. Yeah that knife of separation is a good anomaly. Now if I could just get this machete out of my backÖ LOL

Things are getting a little crunchy financially. I have cut down my trips to the city, stopped eating out, and let my yoga studio pass lapse. Oh first world problemsÖ Iím glad Iím not scrabbling through the rubble in Syria, hiding in the bush in Congo or south Sudan, or caught on the edge in Ukraine. Iíd probably be dead in any of those places. I am pretty fucking lucky and I know it. Whenever I get the stresses I revert back to the knowledge of how lucky I am, even with the looming financial difficulties. Iíll get through it with discipline and thrift and hard work. I have been working 6 days a week for months now, and Iíll keep that up as long as necessary. This is my life now. This is the responsibility of freedom.

Had some sad news, a friend from back in the day killed himself. He was 54 and had struggled with relationship and drug issues. Money. He was well loved in our friend group. I was flooded with memories and interactions from the past, remembering his laugh, stories, shenanigans. He was a good dude. Someone posted on his memorial page that suicide doesnít stop the pain, it just spreads it around. How true is that! It ends the suffering of one and passes it on to the many left behind. Itís another good reminder when things go dark that even in death there are undeniable consequences to our actions, far beyond our intentions and purpose.

Chiquita coming out for a visit on Saturday night to give each other some loving, make a nice dinner, relax. Iím looking forward to her sweet demeanour and positive outlook on life. Spending time with her is simple and pleasant, just what I need right now. We have been seeing each other for over a year, and have an undeniable attachment, even in our non-commitment. She has been a great friend and lover, understanding and gentle, even in her fiery Latina ways. Loyal and fierce. Sexy and beautiful. Iím a pretty lucky dude. Raven and I have been chatting more by text and on the phone. We are trying to figure out what and who we are to each other again. Weíll see there this goes, a solid friendship and a rekindling of our physical connection is in the works. She is getting into her life, and growing into herself, itís pretty great to see.

Like my life I have been working on simplifying my emotional world. I have been practicing Ďlaying downí emotional upset and stress. I feel it, that warm rush of emotion, the bodily reaction, acknowledge it, see it, and let it go. Put it down. Look at it at armís length. Be somewhat detached to it. Things that are outside of my control I really canít let myself get too worked up over. What purpose does it serve? Certainly not me. I use to paralyse myself with worry about things that I couldnít control. I am working on letting all that shit go. Sounds good, letís see if I can put it in practice most of the time lol. Just staying the same is unappealing, I donít want to have a dysfunctional relationship with myself anymore. To that end I have stopped reading Cinderís new blog. Whatís the point? It just makes me angry, and sad. I find it to be pedantic drivel anyways. Or was. I donít read it anymore so I donít know. Lol.
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  #50  
Old 05-11-2014, 06:52 PM
elemental elemental is offline
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Default Sunday morning

Sunday morning, my only full day off lately. But it is mine to relax with and spend in rest and recovery. There are no renovations to do, no long list of things to do, improvements or expectations. I am enjoying this side of singledom. I always thought I wouldnít, but in the place I am in and what I have been through, this is perfect. I am pleased with my decision to buy and not rent anymore, and for the same amount of money I was paying to rent. In some ways Cinder helped me get this place by co buying the cabin with me, it allowed me to have a history with the bank and they were more than willing to give me another mortgage. So thanks Cinder, even in your latest hypocrisy and reneging over and over on agreements, you have helped me get this place, and help keep me in our community. Inadvertently of course

Chiquita just left, after a loving evening. I made her a great dinner and a full breakfast, we worked up quite an appetite We only see each other once a week if that, and we are usually quite pent up. Our sexual connection is the cornerstone for our relationship. That and mutual respect and kindness. She has a date with her girlfriend this week, so she is quite happy about all the loving. I am content with our connection and for seeing Raven soon. I have decided to stop looking for anyone else, these women are enough for me. I would like to deepen the connections I have, without diluting and disrespecting them. I love them both, and look forward to continuing on as it will unfold. Still not having expectations, but growing in attachments and happy to let that unfold. If things change then I can address that at a later date. I think that for the length of time we have been seeing each other attachment is normal so Iím not trying to fight it. It is such a relief to be involved with women who have their personal boundaries dialed in. Mz. Black will continue to be a friend, but really there is a divergent path between the two of us, and things are playing out to be infrequent and distant, and Iím ok with that.

I realise how exhausted I am with engaging strangers on an emotional level. The times I have gone out on dates and had interactions are emotionally draining, and tell me I am not ready. Not ready to put myself out there and make real efforts to connect with people. The women that I have connected with are great people and deserve that effort. To be careless with that seems disrespectful and clumsy. I am not interested in behaving that way with other peopleís emotional world, so best to just ease back into myself and my world and the people who love me for me, know me. I read about other men and women on this forum serial dating, churning through person after person, and thatís not the poly I want to emulate. I want quality not quantity. I have had enough mind blowing sex in my life to not be operating from a place of scarcity, and as I am getting older I think having women who ďgetĒ me is more important than adding notches to my bedpost, as cinder use to accuse me of. I really wonder if she ever really knew me at all. I am seriously starting to doubt that she did. I think I just filled a roll in her life, she used me as she best saw fit, and then discarded me for another. Rinse wash repeat. I am beginning to see our breakup as being orchestrated by her, maneuvered into a place where she could justify the things she did, and get what she wanted out of it. I wish Art luck, as heís going to need it, I figure.
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