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  #11  
Old 04-15-2010, 06:50 AM
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Is it possible that some of your wife's hesitance is that she doesn't want a second wife in the house?

It's one thing for you to say "I am poly and I want to share my love with another person too" and even if your wife got to a point where she could fully support that, it doesn't mean she necessarily wants to share her home with someone else, and that's completely her prerogative.

In the same way that the girlfriend is an person with needs and feelings, your wife is too, and if she wants to keep her living arrangements the way they are, then you may need to rethink your plans.

Ultimately, I find it unrealistic to have an attitude of "anyone I date is with the intent to marry" whether as an addition to a poly relationship or as a monogamous person looking for the love of their life. The moment I stopped looking for a life partner, he fell right into my lap. Literally, it was within a few months of me deciding to stop "having relationships" and just start "dating" people and living for myself. Then *plop* the universe says "ok, now that you GET IT, here's your soul mate"
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  #12  
Old 04-15-2010, 01:22 PM
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Ok so maybe i said that completely wrong. I am looking for another spouse it doesn't necessarily mean that I would have married my girlfriend. I was simply dating her to make things clear she was not living with us. We were in a loving caring relationship and that is it. We are still good friends after all this drama and she is open to the idea of a relationship again but wants my wife to get her head on straight first. Yes its possibly that my wife was simply wanting to try the poly life and found out it was not for her but its also in my opinion based on my observations from my wife that she is just scared. Scared of what others think and scared of drama. Every relationship has its problems. I really did get the info i was looking for in here and am thankful for that. Understand I love my wife i love her so much and I do not want to hurt her in anyway.
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  #13  
Old 04-15-2010, 10:26 PM
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Also one quick comment. I don't believe in soul-mates. Period. I think that a great relationship can be formed and that some people will be better fitting together in a loving caring committed relationship than others but i do not believe in soul-mates. To say that one person is a perfect fit for another is a lie of the Monogamists.
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  #14  
Old 04-15-2010, 10:44 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheiksquall View Post
Also one quick comment. I don't believe in soul-mates. Period. I think that a great relationship can be formed and that some people will be better fitting together in a loving caring committed relationship than others but i do not believe in soul-mates. To say that one person is a perfect fit for another is a lie of the Monogamists.
Wow...that last statement is rather arrogant. This is exactly why the Monogamists tend to react so badly to the Non-Monogamists. If we want "them" to not judge "us" then we can't separate them by insulting what they believe in.

I think you will find some Monogamists on this site who are with poly's who would disagree with your narrow minded view. Heck I have been open for 10ish years and I disagree with the broad stroke you are trying to paint...
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  #15  
Old 04-15-2010, 10:58 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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This is going to sound very new age, and trust me I am not. But something I found a bunch of years ago is called anam cara. This idea of a soul mate is relatively limited and I could never relate (I was as vehement as you are). After diving into myself and doing craptastic amount of research I found something called Anam Cara. It fit with both my spirituality and with my belief that there is not a mythical ONE!

Its an interesting read if you can find a site that isn't all lovey dovey (unfortunately, on the web today it has been taken over from fact and given over to more myth). The gist is, Anam Cara is a soul friend or like soul. You meet many soul friends in your life that make connections with you, create an impact on something. Sometimes they stick around sometimes the connection ends. But the impact is no less important to your life.

http://justagirlintheworld.com/anam-...-of-your-soul/

Just something to consider, seeing as I also don't believe in soul mate but wanted to understand what the hell people were talking about.
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  #16  
Old 04-15-2010, 11:03 PM
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I am not saying that there are not people who are attached ok I get that I know that full well. I am talking about the broad Idea of a Soul-mate I don't believe in. Now I do believe that some people are suppose to be together. I have totally felt the pull on many occasions mostly with friends but its hard to describe. But its like when i meet a person if after only knowing them a day I don't remember not knowing them I know full well that is the pull that you speak of. Now the idea though of a soul-mate I don't agree with that's all I'm saying. I am sorry I felt a little judged by the remarks and I may have gotten a little defensive in my last post.
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  #17  
Old 04-15-2010, 11:13 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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No worries, and I am not judging your view that you don't believe in soul mates. Feel free to believe what you want, but why insult the large majority who can and do believe that.
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  #18  
Old 04-15-2010, 11:21 PM
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I never meant it as an insult that's all I'm saying. Also i feel like my views on being poly are not accepted in society and that its because monogamists belive that they are so right they have made it illegal and shameful I am not ashamed of being poly I love that I can share my love with many people. We poly are repressed and sometimes i get a little heated over that

Last edited by sheiksquall; 04-15-2010 at 11:27 PM.
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  #19  
Old 04-16-2010, 06:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheiksquall View Post
I never meant it as an insult that's all I'm saying. Also i feel like my views on being poly are not accepted in society and that its because monogamists belive that they are so right they have made it illegal and shameful I am not ashamed of being poly I love that I can share my love with many people. We poly are repressed and sometimes i get a little heated over that
I believe in soul mates. I have met several of them. My connection to Mono, Polyneridst, my ex-girlfriend when I was 23, etc. all soul mates and why I love them all. They were different somehow and felt like they came to me and me to them from another time entirely. I can't explain that and don't look for it, but I also can't deny it either. I just believe that you can have more than one.

Btw, not all mono's are bad news... just the ones that don't know about poly and feel threatened by it... why? because it makes them uncomfortable would be my guess and no one likes to feel uncomfortable. Some people when they feel uncomfortable try and control, others try and learn in order to understand and accept. Perhaps finding the latter would suit you more?

As for the topic at hand?
I hope that you find what you are looking for and with time and patience and of course mutual respect, compassion and communication that what is meant to be will be.
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  #20  
Old 04-16-2010, 11:24 AM
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Yes sometimes venting is what everyone needs I thank everyone who has been supportive of me on here so far.
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