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Old 04-15-2010, 09:26 PM
ak2381 ak2381 is offline
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Question GF's husband is making her call it quits

So for a mono this should probably be a dream come true but I just see the pain it is causing my husband.
J's husband, who oddly enough is also poly, swinger actually is more his title although he has fallen in lover with women outside his marriage. They just had to move so he and her are no longer together. Anyway back to topic.
J's husband is becoming increasingly jealous of J and my husband. So for the sake of her marriage J might have to end things with my husband. She just doesn't want to hurt hers anymore. And I feel for her and understand that.

But now my husband is hurting even though he understand why she might have to do this. She is talking things out with her husband. I know he is trying to be ok with her being in love with another man but it is hard for him. He has tried very hard to step aside but doesn't seem to be handling things very well. Sometimes he is so ok that he sends my husband pics of J in bikinis and lingerie. Other times he is breaking down and saying he gives up. Yet he leads a poly life himself, he just doesn't have an OSO at the moment, but he does have little flings from time to time.

It is going to be a long weekend of tears, talks and pain. Someone is going to come out hurting. And me, the mono, I think is the only one holding it together. Ironic wouldn't you say?

I am trying to be there for my husband. I know he is having a hard time with this. So am I. I have learned to be friends with J. Is there anything I can do besides be there and hold him? Her husband isn't really into talking to the rest of us. We have all tried but he refuses to get in the middle of it. I know he feels inferior because he is a heavier guy. My husband, the gym fanatic comes along, and his wife falls in love with him as well.

I wish I could help them. I am still accepting all of this as well. But I guess through all my research and talking on here I am handling this better than the three of them. Wierd that the mono has all the answers. Please help.
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Old 04-15-2010, 09:39 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I am officially tipping my hat to your strength, compassion and caring.

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Monogamy might just be in my genes

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Old 04-16-2010, 01:37 AM
Quath Quath is offline
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It is sad when insecurity leads to this. I think all you can really do is be there to emotionally support your husband in this (which is sounds like you are doing).I hope it works out though.
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Old 04-16-2010, 01:41 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Very interesting !!! That's great that you are the one keeping your calm!!! Maybe you could have a one on one- coffee date with J's husband? Just a thought.....it sounds like he wasn't prepared for deeper connections with others, just sexual. Perhaps your calmness would be reassuring for him.
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
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Old 04-16-2010, 05:58 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I agree with Idealist. This is what I would attempt to do. I would at least offer to listen anyway. It's up to him to take you up on that offer.
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