What I think I want

[Mark1npt]

James, there are way more pathologized people out there than you could ever imagine......There are two and only two basic reasons for asexuality. Physical problems, (low hormone values /low sex drive) and emotional issues (like incest from childhood or mental illness). I find it very odd and strange that there could be such things as "asexual poly lovers".....by definition if they are lovers and having sex they're not asexual.

[XYZ123]

Thank you for posting. You summed up nicely alot (if not all) of what I've been feeling. You inspired me to finally come out of the shadows and join the forum. I hope you find what you are looking for.

[StarGazer]

Originally Posted by XYZ123

Thank you for posting. You summed up nicely alot (if not all) of what I've been feeling. You inspired me to finally come out of the shadows and join the forum. I hope you find what you are looking for.

I'm glad it helped some. I hope you find what you're looking for as well.

Originally Posted by Mark1npt

There are two and only two basic reasons for asexuality. Physical problems, (low hormone values /low sex drive) and emotional issues (like incest from childhood or mental illness).

I have neither of those. Physcally I'm healthy, I have a fine sex drive and when I took something to increase my sex drive- it didn't do a damn thing to my orientation. Emotionally I'm also healthy, with no incidents of incest or other traumatic experiences that could have effected my asexuality. I was sexually abused, but I knew I was asexual long before that happened and, again, it didn't effect my orientation.

What are the two basic reasons of heterosexuality? I'm curious to hear what you feel causes other sexual orientations.

I find it very odd and strange that there could be such things as "asexual poly lovers".....by definition if they are lovers and having sex they're not asexual.

I don't have "lovers". I have partners- people who I'm in a close, romantic relationship with, people who I love and care about a great deal. Some might choose the word lovers for their relationships, but I prefer partner.

Last I checked- polyamory was loving many, not fucking many.

Also- asexual doesn't mean "doesn't have sex". There are a lot of asexuals who have sex to make their sexual partner happy.

[Mark1npt]

Wha???? If you are physically healthy, why did you take something for your sex drive? You expected it to change your orientation? Wha??? You sound confused inside.

Regarding your asexuality....you knew you were asexual before you were sexually abused???? At what age were you aware???? These are some serious issues at work here. Anyone "grossed out" by the wetness of sex definately has an emotional issue, ala....anal, OCD, whatever. I know a guy who thinks most things having to do with the body and fluids is "nasty". That's his psychological issue. That's his hangup. That's why he only had sex with his wife once a year, that's why he's now divorced.

You seem to misunderstand and misrepresent my position. I don't give a flip about people's orientation. I don't have two reasons for someone being hetero and I don't care. I do care about people and their problems however. There are plenty of them to go around. There are only two reasons for asexuality......physical..... and psychological/emotional. If you don't make love then you don't have "lovers", IMO. Yes, you may "love" someone, but they're not a lover if you don't partake, IMO........you may agree to disagree, but I believe most of the world would be behind me on that one.

And, btw....if you have sex....any kind of sex, even if it's meaningless sex to make your sexual partner happy.......then you're not asexual! You may not enjoy it but you're not asexual.

[XYZ123]

Hmmm. I don't know I agree with there being only two possible reasons. I went through a period of time (about two years) after the first time I had sex where I just had no desire for it. Prior to my first sexual encounter at 16 I was very curious and very into it and felt like it was something I needed to do or a right of passage. After, I just didn't see the big deal. I was still attracted to people and formed relationships and even romantic connections, but sex was just not on my to-do list. There were so many other things. Emotions, intellectual conversations, even physical contact not involving sexual contact. And there was nothing physically wrong with me nor did I have any psychological aversion to sex. I simply wasn't interested.

I've gone through phases like this on and off in my life, during which I would have considered myself as asexual. During some of these phases I DID engage in sex, not because I wanted or needed the sexual gratification, but because my partner at the time did and it gratified me to make my partner happy in whatever way I could, including sharing my body. But I didn't feel the usual physical pleasure associated with sex. I wasn't adverse to it. I simply could "take it or leave it", but would have left it if up to me.

Am I hitting the nail a bit closer to the head here StarGazer?

[NeonKaos]

It was my "other guy" who was "grossed out" by the "wetness" of sex... this was something the actual person told me, I was giving it as an example of what would constitute an "asexual" personality, not as a sweeping generalization of "asexuality".

And FWIW, my "other guy" is not only in fact bipolar _and_ OCD, but I think he was probably forced to touch adults inappropriately as a child.

[Mark1npt]

I get your drift XYZ, but there are obviously reasons (physical/emotional) why you wouldn't be interested in sex.....could it be you just didn't have an attentive lover at that early age? Was it too painful? Was it not "knock your socks off rockin hot sex"? Some woman are not orgasmic. Are you one (forgive me for being too personal) who's never experienced an orgasm, never reached complete fulfillment...I hope I'm wrong.

[Mark1npt]

YGirl, you confirmed my hypothesis. Thank you. And sorry to hear about your other guy. I hope you can or have been able to help him work thru some of his issues. Keep lovin'.

[NeonKaos]

Thanks; I actually haven't spoken to him in over a month because that's the way he wants it. Maybe someday. Right now he's all hung up on finding some woman who will have his babies. That ain't yours truly, so I wish him all the best.

[XYZ123]

Originally Posted by Mark1npt

I get your drift XYZ, but there are obviously reasons (physical/emotional) why you wouldn't be interested in sex.....could it be you just didn't have an attentive lover at that early age? Was it too painful? Was it not "knock your socks off rockin hot sex"? Some woman are not orgasmic. Are you one (forgive me for being too personal) who's never experienced an orgasm, never reached complete fulfillment...I hope I'm wrong.

LOL. Sorry hun. Wrong on all counts. My first lover was gentle, attentive, and I've been able to orgasm just fine since before I had intercourse and still do a fine job of it to this day. Quite simply put, other things-many other things-just were more important and interesting to me than sex. I only thought about sex during the "asexual" times if someone else brought it up. Asexuality, by definition, is not aversion to sex (though it can include that), but simply a lack of desire, need, or enjoyment of sex.

I am bipolar and I've seen a psychologist most of my teen/adult life. So I have had many a hormone level check and evaluation. Never anything wrong related to sex drive and even most of my meds didn't affect it.

If you don't have to have something "wrong" with you to be hetero, not homo, nor bi, nor sexually poly...why MUST there be something "wrong" for being asexual? Sometimes people just have better things to think about and do.