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Old 04-26-2014, 08:54 PM
Svens Svens is offline
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Fuckkkk, I had answered a lot of responses and then when I tried to post it, the page said I had to log in first again and when I did then it said I had to go back because I had logged in? and then all I had written was gone! wtf?! Thank God I saved some of it, as I'm too mad right now to rewrite it all again. T_T So very sorry for the people who I didn't answer, I'll try to write it all again when I'm in a good mood again lol.

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So for a story, the premise you've presented could be done, as long as you establish *why* the guys will only accept it if sex is always a threesome, *why* the woman is okay with this, and *why* any of them are in this situation at all, especially given that you say at first the guys are repulsed by the idea.
This is precisely what I need to figure out. In the show, it's made pretty clear why the woman loves the guys and why the guys love the woman (I mean who wouldn't xD), but what is not really shown is WHY the guys want to include each other in this relationship when at first they weren't okay at all with the idea. Ron says something's "missing" when he's with the woman alone, without Cory with them, and that if one of the three leaves then the whole thing is broken, but why?

He says that just when Cory is about to give up his involvement in this relationship in favour of Ron/Woman, and I can understand why this would upset the woman, but why Ron? why wouldn't he want the woman to himself when that's what he wanted at first? why would he either break up with the woman if Cory is no longer with them? in the show I honestly think they were sort of gay for each other, but I don't want that in my story, I want my two male characters to love each other only emotionally, even romantically is fine just not sexually, and that being the reason why they want the other to be in this relationship. So what I'm asking is, would this be feasible for a poly relationship IRL? can two members of a 3ppl poly relationship want to be together along with the 3rd person but not sexually with each other? and I don't mean, them being fine with the woman having another boyfriend, I mean the boyfriend NEEDS to be with both the woman (sexually and emotionally) and with the other guy (emotionally only), and not just that but they have to have sex only when the three are present. LOL the whole thing seems just too much, but I really want to create such a story.

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My suggestion is if you want to write this as realistically as possible, and not just a cute vignette of OMGcollegelife! like the MTV version, read up! You can check other threads here, the golden nuggets section, the blogs, and you'll see that there are all kinds of ways to have multiple relationships! Depending on if the story is more about the relationships or more fluff, short story, longer fiction, etc.
Side Note: Go to Ralan.com and you will find many places that publish short stories, I'm not suggesting you are looking to publish, BUT, one of the things they do is break down ezines by interest and there are those out there that publish stories geared to realistic and respectful alternative relationships of all kinds. It might also give you ideas on how to write fiction for the audience you have in mind.
Thanks a lot for the suggestions! I'll definitely check it out as I want to know as much as possible about poly relationships.

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It sounds as though the show you saw was that late night MTV show where they do small vignettes based on three different periods.
No, I don't know what show you're referring to but it's not the one I watched, I'm completely sure because the show I was talking about is a Spanish one. That's mostly why I didn't even bother to mention the title, but if anyone's interested in watching it just say so as I think there are English subtitles. I'll probably make a fanvideo about this relationship of the show and I'll upload it to youtube in a few days so if anyone was interested I could share the link here so that you guys saw for yourselves what the relationship dynamics I am talking about is like.

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When referring to your partner's partner, most often the term is metamour. EX: My husband is my boyfriend's metamour. They have no relationship to each other, intimate or otherwise. They are on friendly terms and comfortable with joking and all of that but not friends exactly. Just mutual respect.
Hmm but this is not exactly the boys' situation both in the show and the one I want for my story. They are not just friends, or the partner's partner, they are all three together in a relationship, it's just that two of the members don't have sex with each other. If it's not metamour then what is this then? Not exactly a V, not exactly a triad... Maybe an "emotional triad" like someone here suggested? :S

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As far as what they would call each other, totally up to them!
Svens, your characters would call each other whatever feels right for *those* characters. As long as you make your *characters* as fully formed and truly human as you can, however you create their relationship and the labels they use will be realistic.
I see. Well I tried to think how two heterosexual guys would think of each other while in this kind of relationship and I don't know, they would still say they're just friends in my opinion just like in the show, even though that's not true, but I think that from their POV they would think that, I mean I don't know, I'm a guy but I'm not straight or sexual or poly so how would I know... But the woman would probably say they're both her boyfriends/partners as there's no hierarchy here, so yeah I'll think about it, thanks! I am actually really trying to make my characters realistic and human, I don't want to make a superficial/funny story, it will be a drama. Also, the story won't be just about the poly relationship; I'll focus a lot on other stuff too, like the characters' own personal problems, like family issues, financial issues, secrets and traumas of the past etc.

kdt26417, thanks a lot for the films suggestions! I'll definitely check them out. TBH I want my story to be more original than that, I just don't know how. At least the fact that the story won't be erotica/porn would qualify as "new" though! XD

Last edited by Svens; 04-26-2014 at 09:01 PM.
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  #12  
Old 04-26-2014, 10:37 PM
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Pro tip: Whenever you log in, always check the box labeled "Remember Me?" That way you will stay logged in and won't lose your pending posts.

In fact I also have a folder full of text drafts, and I start a new text file almost every time I start to write a new post. That way no matter what happens -- even if there's a power outage and my PC konks out -- I'll have most or all of the post I was writing because I save obsessively, probably once per sentence at least. When I finish composing the post, I select all and copy to the clipboard (Ctrl+A then Ctrl+C), then paste (Ctrl+V) to the post compose window on the website. No matter what goes wrong I then still have the post saved in the text file. More steps? Sure. But nobody likes to lose all the work you put into that would-be post you wanted to post. Why take any chances?

Re (from Svens):
Quote:
"Just wanted to say that I want to know if this kind of relationship dynamic could be reasonable in real life; I know in fiction everything is possible but I'd like to know if it would be realistic IRL, even if unusual, because the story I want to make up is about the same dynamic: two male best friends and a woman together *but* with the two bff being uninvolved sexually, but considering the relationship the guys from the TV show had I just question if this is even possible. Yet again, they might have as well been romantically/emotionally involved, is this even possible? I'm aromantic so kinda lost here."
Just reiterating what I said in my earlier post, but here it is, short and sweet: Yes, I believe the relationship dynamics you propose would be possible, realistic, and reasonable IRL. (In fact they might not even be as unusual as one would think.)

Re (from last post):
Quote:
"Ron says something's 'missing' when he's with the woman alone, without Cory with them, and that if one of the three leaves then the whole thing is broken, but why?"
Which reminds me of yet another movie, "A Small Circle of Friends" (1980). Coincidentally yet another MFM story, one of the two men gets killed, and as a result, the woman and the remaining man feel like they have to break up. It just doesn't work without that second man.

In the movie, the "Why" question is mostly answered just by the excellent way the actors play their parts. In written form, you need to engage the reader in that dynamic without the help of actors. Sometimes you can tell the story without answering the "Why" question, but you do have to address the question somehow. Perhaps leave little thoughts or clues that might help the reader answer the question on their own.

Sometimes I think that virtually every kink the mind can imagine has probably been embraced IRL somewhere. Maybe it's a "thing" (a "kink") for these two men to share this woman, so much so that they want to share her as up close and personal as possible. Doesn't even have to be a "physical kink," can be an "emotional kink" (even though it concerns sex which is physical).

You could use that explanation in your story, but don't be too quick to use it. It's your story, your creation; you are the author. I don't know about you but I'd feel kind of funny writing your story for you. This is what the creative process is all about, is forumulating your own answers to the "Why" questions. It is the test of your skill as a writer and an opportunity to level up as a writer using the tool of experience. You could use my explanation (in the above paragraph) as a demonstration that answers to the question "Why" do exist. I only offer up one answer as an example. See what you can come up with if you run with that bit.

I should probably point out that however you choose to address the "Why," you're generally dealing with a society that's programmed to think monogamously. Polyamory isn't a concept that most people hear about, especially as kids. So some kind of a thing for sharing might lie below the surface, and yet both men might be unaware of that thing at first, due to how foreign it is to monogamous thinking. They would have to have some kind of an "aha" moment where they discovered that repressed part of their subconscious.

Re:
Quote:
"I want my two male characters to love each other only emotionally, even romantically is fine just not sexually, and that being the reason why they want the other to be in this relationship. So what I'm asking is, would this be feasible for a poly relationship IRL?"
Yes, I believe it would be. And by the way, it sounds like you have the beginnings of your own answer to their "Why." It's emotional and it's romantic. Run with that. Flesh it out, little by little.

In your thread here, I hear you expressing a fear that you won't be able to tell this story, and yet in the same breath you seem to be telling the story (convincingly enough) right here in this thread. Seems to me you just need a bit more writer's confidence. The skills and the ideas are already present.

Re:
Quote:
"I'm a guy but I'm not straight or sexual or poly so how would I know ..."
See? You're unwittingly second-guessing yourself. "But, but, I'm not qualified to know the reasons why these guys would have this relationship ..." Being a writer is all about exercising the imagination to put yourself inside the minds of each of your fictional characters. You are qualified, because you're the author!

I mean yeah, definitely read and interact on a lot of the threads here on Polyamory.com; learn as much as you can about what poly is all about -- what pitfalls and what rewards are common. But at the end of the day, have the faith you need in your own abilities to tell this story. The abilities are there.

Re:
Quote:
"I'll probably make a fanvideo about this relationship of the show and I'll upload it to youtube in a few days so if anyone was interested I could share the link here so that you guys saw for yourselves what the relationship dynamics I am talking about is like."
Sure, share the link; I'll watch the video. I'll need those subtitles though!

Re:
Quote:
"They are not just friends, or the partner's partner, they are all three together in a relationship, it's just that two of the members don't have sex with each other. If it's not metamour then what is this then?"
Still metamours, I should think, but with some qualifying adjective. Loving metamours? Multimours? If this was "Stranger in a Strange Land," we could call them water brothers.

Come on man! Tap into your writer's creativity, and think up a good word for these two men. Part of the plot in the story could be the problem of them trying to think of what to call themselves. There could be a scene where they have a conversation about it.

Which makes me think that these two men and this one woman must be concerned about "doing it right" and are probably researching polyamory on the web. There could be scenes where they are talking to each other about what they are learning, or where one character peeks over another character's shoulder while that other character studies a particular web page.

By the way, there's a thing called "relationship anarchy" in which people hardly use any special labels at all. Like, the only label they like to use for anyone in their life is a "friend." The details of anyone's relationship with any one "friend" of theirs need not be mentioned in their label, they can just talk about the details on the details' own merits when the need arises.

That doesn't tell you what labels *you* (or your characters) should use, it just casts a different light on the subject.

The best piano teacher I ever had, used to tell me, whenever we'd talk about composing new songs, that it's like it says in the Old Testament: There's nothing new under the Sun. Every composer obtains inspiration from the musical ideas of previous composers, and all artists "steal" each other's ideas to a certain extent. Heck, a scientist, too, builds on the theories that have already been formulated by previous scientists. We all borrow ideas. It's actually part of the creative process. Making something new out of something that has come before. So watch those movies I mentioned, be inspired by them, and use that inspiration to add new ideas as you tell your own story and make it your own.

Regards,
Kevin T.
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  #13  
Old 04-27-2014, 06:46 AM
Eponine Eponine is offline
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Hi, fellow asexual here.

I didn't read through every post, but just wanting to comment on the label of the relationship and how they refer to each other. I don't think there's a standard answer to either question.

I think there's a grey area between a V and a triad, and which label to use depends on your criteria for an intimate/significant relationship. Some people think sexual behaviors mark a significant relationship, and others think the emotional component is more important. I'm in a triad that some people may categorize as a V, because not every two-way connection among us is romantic (not to mention sexual - we're all on the asexual spectrum). But to us, triad is a more accurate label, because the emotional intimacy is equal among all three of us. We don't think whether our feelings are romantic or not is very important.

As for how to address each other, that's even more flexible. The labels we use in our triad include SO, romantic friend, and affectionate friend. We also simply refer to each other as friends under some circumstances, because we're the relationship anarchist type kdt mentioned above. I'd say the two guys in your story are friends or "special friends." But as kdt said, don't let our answers restrict your creativity!

BTW, I like the idea of having the two guys have a non-romantic, non-sexual, yet still highly intimate relationship. It's also possible for them to love each other romantically but not sexually, because one's romantic orientation and sexual orientation don't have to be the same.
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Last edited by Eponine; 04-27-2014 at 07:59 AM.
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Old 04-27-2014, 05:16 PM
KC43 KC43 is offline
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It's important as a writer to remember that you do not have to have personal experience with everything you write about.

I wrote a V triad before I even knew the term, and included a threesome sex scene in that novel. Not something I'd experienced.

I write romance novels about gay men. I'm neither gay nor a man.

I write teen fiction about teenagers who are gay, lesbian, or transgender. I've been a teenager, but not any of the other things.

On a slightly silly note, I write romance novels about werewolves. I'm not a werewolf.

All of these things have been published by various publishers who pay me for my work and have pretty strong quality control as to what they put out for public consumption. My lack of personal experience/knowledge has not kept me from writing authentic, realistic characters and situations.

Writers frequently hear "Write what you know," but I think that's phrased poorly. It should be "Know what you're writing." Do your research. Read. Talk to people who've been there if you can.

It doesn't matter whether you're sexual or asexual, romantic or aromantic, what your orientation or gender identity is. You aren't writing about yourself, and if you take the time to learn--as you seem to be doing here--about the types of characters and situations you're writing, plus use your brain and your knowledge of human beings in general, you should be fine.
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Old 04-27-2014, 07:54 PM
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Heh, amen Eponine and KC43.
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  #16  
Old 04-28-2014, 05:15 PM
Svens Svens is offline
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Thanks everyone for your answers! You're all absolutely right; I need to have more confidence in myself, there's nothing stopping me from writing this story if I get to know what I want to write about. I guess it's just such a new thing to me that I have too many doubts and questions, but I'll sort it out. You've all been really helpful, I love this forum lol, in other ones there are so many nasty people who even start insulting me personally just for the sake of it. I'll take my time to respond to everyone, will do so as soon as I can since I'm quite busy these days with exams and also I'm working on my fanvid about the tv show I told you about but yeah, I'll be back! Thanks again for everything, it's a pity that I can't stay on this forum haha.
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Old 04-28-2014, 06:50 PM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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One more comment about labels... Other people have pointed out that the characters should choose the labels they use. It is also entirely possible not to use any labels at all.

I have two partners myself. CJ is my legal husband so I refer to him as such. Mark on the other hand -- on this forum I use the term "partner", but IRL we really do not have any label for him, other than "friend". Normally we just use his first name. The missing label does not mean he is insignificant to me, or to CJ for that matter.

I had the same labeling problem with CJ before we got married. I did not like any of the labels available, so I chose not to use them, and used his first name instead, or called him "a friend".
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Old 04-28-2014, 08:52 PM
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Yeah, since Snowbunny is not my wife (Brother-Husband is her legal husband), she often introduces her relationship to me as, she is a "friend of the family." Heh, she could call herself my "poly partner" but she is not ready to out us to the world.
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Old 04-28-2014, 10:36 PM
KC43 KC43 is offline
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The reason Hubby and I got engaged when we did was because I complained that when he called me his girlfriend I felt like I was only a temporary part of his life. So he proposed and said, "There, now you can call me your fiance."

I call Guy my boyfriend when I'm talking to people who know the situation, but I don't really like calling him that. We just haven't been able to come up with another term. As stated in my signature, he prefers to avoid labels, but I need a term for him because that's how I am. When I'm talking to people I'm not "out" to, I just call him my friend.

And he and hubby call each other "Bro-hub."
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Old 04-28-2014, 10:58 PM
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You could call Guy your heart-husband? Just brainstorming out loud here.
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