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Old 04-28-2014, 05:02 PM
Tigger40 Tigger40 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Columbia, MO
Posts: 9
Default Thoughts on being his secret?

What do you think about being someone's secret (from his wife)? I had a brief flirtation where I was someone's secret. I kept it secret too but that was just for fun-- if I were found out, there would be no consequences, because that's how my marriage is right now. I mean it's fun. But it wasn't that way for him and before it went very far-- perhaps it had already gone too far-- I told him that although I loved being his secret, I needed to tell him what I would do if his wife found him out. I said I'd assume that he wants to stay married and so I'd kill the relationship entirely and never speak to him again. Not out of spite or anything of course, but to protect him.

That woke him up I think and he ended it. And we don't speak, which is sad. At the time the brief flirtation was worth all future suffering but now I wish I'd foregone the brief flirtation and still had the friend.

So I've thought & thought about how to handle that situation. I guess the obvious is-- don't get involved with married men who don't have an open marriage.

I've been the secret keeper when it did have consequences. I didn't get found out. I (eventually) confessed and our marriage is all the stronger for it. Who am I to keep that experience from him & his wife? Or if it turns out less positively, who is to say that wasn't the best outcome anyway?

I feel like I'd be ok with being someone's secret. But perhaps I'm being hopelessly naive and it never turns out well. What I'm asking is NOT some moral judgment, but what is your experience? Maybe I can learn from your experience, rather than learn EVERYTHING the hard way.
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