Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 03-26-2014, 01:14 PM
OpenMind OpenMind is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 7
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tenK View Post
You can't control any of these things, or force the situation to develop one way or the other, so just relax.
You're so right about that. I was feeling like our plan to meet was a little forced, more due to all of us being available at the same time than anything else. So after posting here last night, I told Betty that I'm happy with the way things are between us right now. I want to let things take a natural progression, not make things complicated. She agreed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tenK View Post
With regards to being freaked out by seeing them being affectionate (or worrying about her being upset by your interactions), well, that you can do something about. Talk to your partner, gauge her opinion on what she thinks Cindy can handle, and have a good think about what level of interaction you are comfortable with at your end. Make sure you have the ability to either communicate in the moment if you are feeling bad, or have a way to just extract yourself from the situation. I think it's ok to not have a clear idea of what your personal comfort level is when meeting for the first time, but that doesn't mean you just have to keep a stiff upper lip and sit through something that feels uncomfortable either. That will probably do more harm than good in the long run. Make sure you explain that to your partner.

Hope it goes swimmingly!
Thank you for your thoughts. There's so much to ponder and discuss.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 03-26-2014, 01:19 PM
OpenMind OpenMind is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 7
Default

@vanquish, thank you for your thoughts.

@everyone
I'm really so glad I came here to ask my question last night. I was in a bit of a panic, and all of your thoughtful replies have helped me a lot. I'm happy to be happy with the way things are for now, and you've all helped me realize that. So THANKS!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 03-26-2014, 01:42 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,027
Default

Glad you are feeling better today.

GG
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 03-26-2014, 02:20 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Montgomery, AL
Posts: 288
Default

So, so, so glad you're finding peace and equilibrium. Wishing you continued success.
__________________
Me - male, 42, poly, straight, in a serious relationship with Audrey, also casually dating.

Audrey - female, 20, poly, pansexual, also casually dating.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 03-26-2014, 03:15 PM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Haltom City, TX
Posts: 1,289
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by OpenMind View Post
I'm really so glad I came here to ask my question last night. I was in a bit of a panic, and all of your thoughtful replies have helped me a lot.
Sometimes it's tough to see our own self-sabotage and it takes an outside source to shed some light on it. I'm guessing that's why therapists have stayed in business.

I'm glad to hear that you are able to breath a bit easier.
__________________
Independent (Anarchist) Non-Monogamy

Me: male, 40, straight, single
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 04-27-2014, 04:21 PM
OpenMind OpenMind is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 7
Default An Update

I'm back, a month later, with an update.

We did all meet together in person. I was able to get clear communication from Cindy that whatever Betty and I do is fine with her, she's not placing any limitations. So that was a big relief because I needed to be sure there was no deception. There's not. ("Whatever" is okay as long as it's safe, and if other people are brought into the mix by any of us, we all inform each other, so we can each make our own decisions about health safety.)

Betty and I have had some rough times communicating, but finally figured out our style together. So we're moving along with our relationship, as it suits us. Cindy and I are totally different people, and it appears we don't have much common ground except for both being Betty's partners. And that's fine with both of us. The whole "triad" discussion is off the table. I have the kind of relationship I want with Betty. Betty has 2 relationships that make her happy. And by all accounts, Cindy is also happy.

Win-Win-Win!

Thank you again for everyone who helped talk me off a ledge a month ago!
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 04-27-2014, 10:16 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,114
Default

I'm glad that all of the "what-ifs" seem to have been resolved with the actual meeting - AND that it is a "WIN" all around. Thanks for coming back and updating!

I have found that "pre-planning" expectations only increases my stress and is usually unnecessary. So hard to guard against tho.
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:09 PM.