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  #281  
Old 07-27-2012, 01:37 AM
Nathan Nathan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arrowbound View Post
Nathan... you're great lol. Honestly. Every time I read your posts I'm like "Yes! YES!"

Just wanted to let you know.

Thanks.
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  #282  
Old 07-27-2012, 02:41 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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I agree with so many others already posting.

I do get jealous over time.

In the buckets?

I'm not jealous about body touch. Sex, were it cootie free? I think it would fine. Seeing body nekkid is the outer bucket shell. It's fun, and why not?

I'm not jealous about mind touch -- the meeting of the minds is a headgasm I love. Friendship can go there -- have as many friends as you want!

I'm a pinch jealous about heart touch
-- but again, friendship can go there if it stretches a bit. And the world needs more love anyway, so keep me in the loop there and I can be totally ok and be compersive.

I am totally jealous in soul touch -- I've parked pieces of my OWN soul in DH, and expect his soul to guard it. We're so enmeshed at this point I can't STAND the idea of a soul ambush on me via the back door that is him. So I get jealous there in spades -- pls metawhoeveryouare...

treat my babies right
the baby that is me
the baby that is my partner

If one must be dinged, ding me then. It is expected piper price. If I break? I will be furious and I will not like it but I'll deal.
If you ding him? Fine. You break him?! Without honor? I will KILL, I will be ENRAGED.
At the same time if your soul wants to dance around on the head of an angel/devil pin with ours? Come on IN! Like a Jedi, not like a freakin' Muppet.

So that's where my hardest handle/leash is. The soul bucket jealous. Greatest risks for greatest rewards.

It's a huge high, chasing that particular poly dragon. I got to taste it once and I lived and loved, for a very short while, in burning heaven/hell pendulum swing as a MFM hinge. O, the bittersweet sweet.

That's why I'm around now. We're not opening any time soon to a new lover. But I'm pulling my shit together in case there we choose to go again later.

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-27-2012 at 02:45 AM.
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  #283  
Old 07-27-2012, 05:45 AM
Aurelie26 Aurelie26 is offline
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I agree. It would be one thing for Nathan to have sex with other woman, I dont like the idea of that even, and I admit I like having him to myself, I have accepted it before though, and could do again. Luckily, I dont think I will ever have to.

I have to be honest with myself, I really dont think I could cope with Nathan loving someone else, In fact, I think I would fall to pieces. I know thats not very poly, but it's the honest truth.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathan View Post
This is because my girl and her lover have allowed me to see them being intimate together, and I have seen with my own eyes how special their sexual chemistry and connection truly is. Also, they have their set nights together, these nights have increased recently, and I have now also given my consent for her lover to come to our house when the urge takes them, even if it's not one of their nights together, my girl also goes to his, and his wifes place at times. So I guess a tiny fleeting glimpse of jealousy comes when I see him giving my girl pleasure to a degree that I cannot.
Nathan, we have a special sexual connection also. It may be special for different reasons, and the sex I have with you may not be as orgasmic as it is with Scott, and you can't make me physically feel the way he does, but our lovemaking is more beautiful, and you make me feel loved and special, and girly, and beautiful, and Scott doesn't do that.

Things will get back to normal after Scott and I have got over this weird NRE type of feeling that we have at the moment.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Nathan View Post
I have a great deal of confidence in the love we share, the emotional touch as you call it. I think I would be jealous if I could see that she shared stronger bonds of affection with him. I dont see that, although I know that she loves him. Could I cope if she did love him more????????
I will never love Scott or anyone else more than you! (Again not very Poly) I could never feel more affection for anyone more than the love & affection that I feel for you. I love you more and more everyday. xxxx
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  #284  
Old 04-25-2014, 08:20 PM
NorCal NorCal is offline
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Default Help with Polyandry

I posted an thread in the introductions section. IDK how to link to it, sorry.
Basics:
GF and I are accepting her BFF "Jack" into our life sexually. Otherwise nothing changes. She already stays with him 2-3 nights per week.

I don't fear loosing her and trust nothing has happened prior to "the talk" but I am looking for tips on "being cool with it" and showing her that I am.

Thanks
Much love.
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  #285  
Old 04-25-2014, 10:00 PM
crazylilb206 crazylilb206 is offline
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Question Is it wrong?

I have two men in my life who have just about the same exact personalities is it wrong to care about them both. (They know about each other)
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  #286  
Old 04-25-2014, 11:14 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Sounds alright to me crazylilb206. As long as everyone is consenting, you should be fine.

@ NorCal ... how well are you personally acquainted with Jack? Spending time with him and developing a friendship with him would probably please your girlfriend, I would imagine, and it would probably help you feel more cool about the whole situation.

Heh, and here's a link to your intro thread: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...578#post265578
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  #287  
Old 05-01-2014, 05:03 PM
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pcflvly pcflvly is offline
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Envy. My girlfriend's husband has it. Her and I have a spark and they don't. I have everything with her that he always wanted. He's envious and falling apart about it. What are we supposed to do?
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  #288  
Old 05-01-2014, 09:47 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi pcflvly,

It seems to me that a poly-friendly counselor is needed for your girlfriend and her husband. Possibly a sex therapist. Something is putting a damper on their physical and emotional intimacy, and that would sour anyone's mood.

Sorry you're experiencing that difficult dynamic.
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  #289  
Old 02-24-2015, 12:30 AM
Asparagus Asparagus is offline
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Default Jealousy with some partners and not others?

I am in something between a v and a triangle, and have a non-related partner as well.

I have had a really hard time with some metamours, and not others.

I'm trying to decipher this. Here are factors:

The partners of metamours I have an easier time with:

In the balance of it, I get more of what I want out of the relationship with.
There have been less (or non-existent) weird power dynamics around sleeping together./time/commitment.
They express a joy about their partners.
They express a joy and gladness about me more frequently and unreservedly.
They have told their partners about my importance to them, and told me about that.


The metamours I have an easier time with:

Are more primary than me OR
With the ones that are less, know about me, and have expressed joy about my existence.
Preexiated me by a long time, rather than appearing about the same time as me.
I know
I like
Generally have wanted to get to know me, though with the one who chose not to know, I have nothing but good feelings for.

(In theory, I think I'd have a hard time with someone newer, but this has not happened yet. It will, and when it was broached, I got squishy)

The thing I feel the worst about and would like to get over: I have one metamour that got involved in a freakishly hard dynamic. It seemed every time a date happened, there was miscommunication about it. I first met her with no one telling me she would be there, and she didn't get introduced to me until conversation had gone on a while, and then not by the partner we had I common. Which is more understandable given that tradgedy had hit and we met at a funeral. And it seems even harder to get over that one partner was not ready for me to sleep with our partner solo for over 3 months while she was fine with this metamour sleeping with him from the beginning, and during the same time frame. But that was probably due to the three of us forming a triad.

So that was all over 6 months back, and I feel, c'mon, I should be over this by now. But somehow, I suspect it still affects things, and I have way more jealousy than I am comfortable having.

The other thing I'm hoping to get from this post: one of my partners has a hard time with his metamour through me. I'm trying to figure out how to make it as easy as possible, but it seems he is as squishy about his metamour as I am about mine. We're different people, and the golden rule doesn't often work. So thoughts about if the same things that help me help you would be lovely!

Last edited by Asparagus; 02-24-2015 at 12:33 AM.
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  #290  
Old 02-24-2015, 12:43 AM
Asparagus Asparagus is offline
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Thought as I think about this: do you think I maybe don't have problems with the metamours per se, but problems with how the partners relate to me? Like, I had problems not being communicated to, or being given sexual freedom, or being stood up for, and my subconscious mind is saying, "I don't like this, but I can tolerate this for now, within our relationship, but not, for whatever reason, when it comes out around metamour issues"? Like I'm expecting them to be solid and perfect if they are sleeping with someone who isn't me almost in compensation? How sick is that- but it sounds true.
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communication, compassion, compersion, emotions, envy, feelings, jealous, jealousy, monogamy, poly, polyamory, possessiveness, relationship dynamics, relationship structures, relationships, respect, self esteem, unconscious

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