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Old 04-25-2014, 05:19 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,022
Default I need help, my boyfriend is just dating one woman after another!

Since last June, my bf Ginger has dated or attempted to date one man and four women. The guy and one woman-- those relationships didnt get off the ground. They IMed a lot, but he never ultimately dated the guy, and the other woman was unappealing in person. Shortly after that he took up with Mischa and then, with a slight overlap, with The Buddhist. He saw both of them 3 or 4 times, had some sexy time, much drama, emotions, HSV concerns, and then the relationships ended.

We had a 2 month break, and now he's taken up with one of the woman from his drum and dance community. It's been a week since she started IMing him and hitting on him and they've gone from being mere acquaintances to "romantic and affectionate," on FB chat. They met at an event since then, but were limited to burning gazes across a crowded room.

She is married, 20 years his junior, with 3 very young children and a mono husband. They only opened their relationship last fall when she had a thing for another guy, but that didn't work out.

I am just worn out from this rollercoaster, having to hear about just one woman after another, all the IMing, the flirting, the negotiations, the travel to see one or another, the dates, how far they went sexually. Ginger likes to share details, but I am not feeling compersion. However, I do not think more or less details would help me. That's not really the issue.

And now, with this poly noob, Carla, she didn't even tell her husband about her feelings for Ginger until a few days AFTER she started IMing him to flirt with him and get to know him better. In fact, her h was away in Europe on business when she first IMed Ginger, while her babies were napping!

Now, her husband is apparently struggling, and so am I. But Ginger and Carla are determined to get something going. Ginger is just champing at the bit while Carla negotiates with "David." NRE like crazy.

Meanwhile my back has been in pain since I injured it 2 months ago. I just started osteopathic therapy but with no reduction in pain yet. Also, Ginger is going to have prostate surgery quite soon, he is just waiting to be put on the surgeon's schedule. Also, my gf miss pixi is also in NRE, she's had 3 dates with a guy who suits her very well. I have no jealousy around that, just compersion. I think it's great. But it is just one more complication that is making me out of sorts.

I guess I think Ginger is too polysaturated. He doesn't think he is. He is having a hard time understanding that a poly person is polysaturated when they start missing out on meeting the needs of one of their established lovers. He is attentive to me, but my need for stability and balance and feeling understood is way off.

He has Apserger's syndrome, and its hard bridging that gap sometimes.

What should I do? I feel like I am at the mercy of his desires for her, and her husband's issues. My needs, desires and issues? Overlooked.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving Pixie (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, M, 36), Pixie's Dom for 3+ years

Last edited by Magdlyn; 04-25-2014 at 05:26 PM. Reason: typos
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