"but why would you need to have sex with someone else? you must be so unhappy"

[Derbylicious]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

In short...I don't get it, especially when it causes someone you say you love discomfort and pain.

Ok I'm playing devil's advocate here but doesn't it depend on WHY there is discomfort and pain? Sometimes things just get brought to the surface when there is a new relationship starting up. If the root cause isn't the new relationship it's self but rather another issue that has just been magnified is it still worth not pursuing the new relationship? Personally I'm finding it pretty beneficial to be working through crap that I've put on the back burner for years. It's not comfortable but I think I'd rather be doing it than ignoring it.

[vandalin]

but it's really hard not to let others' doubts and declarations of "Oh that NEVER works" get to me.

Best response to this, "Oh? And how many times have you tried it and had it fail?" Then you will either learn some "deep, dark secret" of theirs, or they'll just say, "I'd never do that!" or some such. Which also has a simple reply, "Well don't knock it 'til you've tried it." and just keep on going remembering that some people will keep on saying that something is not possible while we are in the middle of doing it. (isn't that someone's siggy quote on here?)

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by Derbylicious

Ok I'm playing devil's advocate here but doesn't it depend on WHY there is discomfort and pain? Sometimes things just get brought to the surface when there is a new relationship starting up. If the root cause isn't the new relationship it's self but rather another issue that has just been magnified is it still worth not pursuing the new relationship? Personally I'm finding it pretty beneficial to be working through crap that I've put on the back burner for years. It's not comfortable but I think I'd rather be doing it than ignoring it.

I guess it depends on what you want from a relationship. If you want an open one then it makes sense to be motivated to explore that. If you aren't then it doesn't to me. So, if you are in a relationship where one partner wants to be open and one doesn't then you both have to find a way to cope in a healthy manner that is sustainable. That does not imply that the partner who doesn't want an open relationship will ever embrace or encourage the idea of openness but it does imply that they may have to find a way to manage the emotions of being with someone who does. As long as they are healthy and the pleasure out ways the pain then it is good for both IMO.

[SchrodingersCat]

Originally Posted by saudade

A "friend" keeps asking the people in my vee what it feels like to cheat/be cheated on, I think just to see if we'll react. Oi!

Do they answer "I don't know, I've never cheated/been cheated on?" with a big smirk?

[saudade]

Do they answer "I don't know, I've never cheated/been cheated on?" with a big smirk?

SC- LOL! I've actually been giving the polite response where I pretend she's just curious and rude by accident, rather than acting like she's getting to us. She hasn't spoken to me in months, so my evil plan to bore her into being nicer must be working!

Back on topic:

Best response to this, "Oh? And how many times have you tried it and had it fail?" Then you will either learn some "deep, dark secret" of theirs, or they'll just say, "I'd never do that!" or some such. Which also has a simple reply, "Well don't knock it 'til you've tried it." and just keep on going remembering that some people will keep on saying that something is not possible while we are in the middle of doing it. (isn't that someone's siggy quote on here?)

Vandalin, your reply is awesome -- and someone definitely does have that signature. (There's also a Shel Silverstein sig on how anything's possible floating here too; is it Rarechild's, maybe? What an awesome community we are...)