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  #31  
Old 04-23-2014, 12:23 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing View Post
People tend to misrepresent themselves online, so until you've experienced each other in various situations (both IRL and online) then I don't know how you can KNOW you're in love.
Yep. The feelings you have may be real, but it's way too easy to project and fantasize about a person who is nothing more than pixels on the other end of the computer, or a voice on a phone. It is too easy for someone to always put their best foot forward through media, they can cherry-pick what they show you about themselves. I'm fascinated by the show (and film) Catfish, where these poor souls get it into their head that they're in love with someone they've "met" online, only to find that person doesn't even exist. Their heartbreak is real, while we watching wonder how they could possibly have been so na´ve.

I'm also aware this might be a generational thing. Internet dating is still new to me, but I think for younger people who grew up with social media permeating their lives, it seems to be more accepted that one can "fall in love" though the computer.
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  #32  
Old 04-23-2014, 09:23 PM
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You mean you've never met someone who misrepresents themselves in person? How many people have found out some deep secret about their life partner, and come to realize that they never knew them at all?
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  #33  
Old 04-23-2014, 10:08 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
You mean you've never met someone who misrepresents themselves in person?
You know, I fairly recently encountered someone who fits that description. It took me a few months of fairly consistent face-to-face time before I could no longer not see the mask slipping. It might have easier to fantasize for longer if the relationship was online or long-distance. But I saw how they moved through the world, how they treated others, how they responded to spontaneous situations, and I realized that what this person said and what they did weren't synched.

Quote:
How many people have found out some deep secret about their life partner, and come to realize that they never knew them at all?
You just reminded me of another interesting show, "Who the Bleep Did I Marry?" about people who find they married a serial killer or dated a guy who kept girls in the basement. So yes, it happens IRL too.

But so much communication is non-verbal. Body language, voice tone. I would argue we even send each other messages through smell, and we certainly do through touch. Without face-to-face l contact, or with very minimal such contact, you're missing a large piece of the puzzle.
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  #34  
Old 04-23-2014, 10:49 PM
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I believe that most of the folks who are able to fall in love with someone they've only met online have had face-to-face meetings, in a sense, through Skype and other types of video chats, including cyber sex.

I don't think I would enjoy a totally online relationship at all, and am also quite skeptical whenever anyone says they fell in love with someone they've never met in person - but then I think about the olden days of letter-writing. Quite a few romances happened and thrived via correspondence without photos or anything else. So I know it's possible, though unlikely for me to find myself in that kind of situation.
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  #35  
Old 04-24-2014, 09:55 AM
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I actually vastly prefer long distance, at least as long as the timezone difference isn't too crazy. R. and I are hitting the six year mark for our 'ship in July - she's in England, I'm in Germany, and we never once met in meatspace; it's not terribly likely that we'll do so anytime in future, either... and we're still doing fine, thanks. Never expected that I'd have a sane, happy, long-term relationship like this before she stumbled into my life.

Of course, one of the big perks of poly is that she can be with local folk for whatever meatspace activities she feels the need/want for (including sex, duh), and which I can't and/or won't make myself available for. Neither of us has to bear that horrid burden of making the other perfectly happy by oneself - we just spend quality time together, which in our case happens to take place online.



That said, if someone does explicitly state that they don't do LDR in a dating profile, one should respect that and just check them off of the list of potential partners, no matter how interesting they may sound/look otherwise. Every dealbreaker criterion is a valid one and needs respecting, and they're all subjective. It's okay to be incompatible, and the sooner we learn to humbly accept that, the easier life becomes, IME.



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  #36  
Old 04-24-2014, 08:00 PM
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  #37  
Old 04-24-2014, 09:38 PM
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Unfortunately, the profiles I respond to often only have the "preferred area" feature of the website (OkCupid.com) and say nothing else on the subject of distance.~

Thank you all for your wonderful inputs on this subject, I hope to hear and learn more!~ ^_^
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Last edited by ColorsWolf; 04-24-2014 at 09:51 PM.
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