Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

View Poll Results: Have you come out as poly
No and I don't plan to 4 20.00%
No but I hope to soon 2 10.00%
Yes, I did straight away 8 40.00%
Yes, I did after 6 months of my first poly relationship 6 30.00%
Yes , I did after 12 months of my first poly relationship 0 0%
Yes, I did , after a fair bit longer 0 0%
Voters: 20. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 04-21-2014, 05:25 AM
Inyourendo's Avatar
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Crazytown USA
Posts: 1,463
Default

Nate mom knows we are poly but he's not super close with his out of state relatives. He's not scared to say anything, He's pretty open on Facebook (his uncle is also poly) but he spelled it out ti anyone but friends because it just hasn't come up. He hasn't had a substantial relationship with anyone and I doubt there would ever be an occasion that he'd take another partner ti Chicago.

Sam has told all his friends and family. I've met his mom and siblings. If the aren't cool with it they haven't let on. Mom had some reservations (concerns about him getting hurt, no kids etc) but I to heraabout it.
__________________
Sue, hinge in a vee with Nate (Polysexual) and Sam (monogamous)
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 04-21-2014, 04:31 PM
sweetersong sweetersong is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 21
Default

well, telling a second friend today went a lot easier than expected. I casually brought the subject up, and she was like "oh, polyamory", and I was shocked she knew about it, but apparently quite a few of her friends are polyamorous so it's nothing knew to her
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 04-21-2014, 06:06 PM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,215
Default

I don't hide it, but I don't shout it from the rooftops. I refer to Auto as "my girlfriend" any time I'm talking about her, and I let people come to their own conclusions. I've brought her to the research group xmas party, but none of the couples there were being very touchy-feely so I followed the tone set by the hosts.

All my friends know, my mom knows explicitly, and I think my dad's figured it out because he reads my blog. But my dad and I never have been big talkers, so I've never had an elaborate coming out ceremony or anything. When my mom told him I was bi, his response was "Yeah I figured that out already. So do you need the car on Saturday?" type of thing.

I've dropped subtle and not-so-subtle hints in my research group, but I am considering explicitly coming out to one of the other students. We've had a lot of cool conversations, she's from Iran but very rebellious of the "official" attitude over there. She's really open-minded so I don't think she would judge, but I just haven't found a good opportunity to work it into the conversation without it being an awkward topic change. I'd want to just work it in naturally.
__________________
I don't need labels to define me. They're sticky and I hate the glue they leave behind.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 04-21-2014, 06:21 PM
Squashking Squashking is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 55
Default Not yet...

The kids know.

Close family must suspect something because we haven't been very careful lately. It's only a matter of time but its not something we care too much about.

Outside of close family we wish to keep it private.

~S
__________________
Me: 40ish Male in PolyFi MFMF Quad

Last edited by Squashking; 04-21-2014 at 06:53 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 04-21-2014, 09:46 PM
KerryRen KerryRen is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 90
Default

I've gotten to a place where I don't come out for almost anything unless someone asks or it seems necessary. If people make assumptions about me, then I'll correct them and it can lead to good interesting conversations.

The only ones I'm actively closeted to, about anything -- and indeed, probably almost everything -- are the inlaws. Primarily because my mother-in-law is also our landlady, and until that's changed (and it will change, eventually), I don't want to risk offending her sensibilities so much she evicts us. My MIL and FIL are exceedingly conservative.
__________________
-- Kerry J. Renaissance
39 y/o female, married/bisexual/poly/pagan/disabled/fan

In a V with
- Liam, 52 y/o straight male (married, 14 years)
- Jai, 41 y/o bi male
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 04-22-2014, 12:37 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,215
Default

I love MIL stories. I used to always think they were exaggerated for the purpose of dramatic effect in TV and movies. Then I got some of my own. Nope. They really are that crazy.

It's really interesting how far the apple can fall from the tree, sometimes.
__________________
I don't need labels to define me. They're sticky and I hate the glue they leave behind.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 04-22-2014, 01:39 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 519
Default

I don't have a MIL, but I do have a metamour, so, practically the same thing
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 04-22-2014, 02:26 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,215
Default

lmao. Point, PiP.

My metamour isn't too bad. He gets jealous sometimes, but he's good about owning it and dealing with it. He doesn't try to place restrictions or anything. Sometimes his anxiety can interfere with our plans, but I knew about that when I signed up, so I don't let it get me down.

My paramour relationship is the one that weirds me out, he's in my professional sphere. It's just bizarre to see someone in a presentation one day, and cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend's husband the next. I'm not very good at blending worlds.
__________________
I don't need labels to define me. They're sticky and I hate the glue they leave behind.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 04-22-2014, 11:22 AM
KC43 KC43 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 641
Default

I didn't check off anything in the poll because it depends on what you mean by "out"...

My 18-year-old kiddo knows I'm poly and that Guy is my boyfriend and not just a "friend of the family", which is how Kiddo and their sister (pronouns with Kiddo are an iffy thing; I go by "their" so I don't use the wrong gender) were initially introduced to him. I only came out to Kiddo after my trip to visit Guy was settled, though. (So about 2 weeks ago.) They're completely cool with it and wishes Guy could live closer to us. On the other hand, the sister, Younger, has not been told, partly because I'm not sure she would fully understand and partly because I'm concerned she would tell her father (my ex), who would almost certainly use the situation as leverage to try to gain custody. I don't need that.

My best friend PIC (partner-in-crime) knows. Coming out to him as poly was a little nerve-wracking, but he knows Guy and me, and it was hard as hell having conversations with PIC without mentioning Guy. PIC took it totally in stride; he reads a lot of science fiction and fantasy, and while he's mono, polyamory makes sense to him on an intellectual level.

My mother knows and is somewhat opposed to it, but tries to be supportive and understanding. She sees that the situation makes me happy; she just worries it's going to screw up my marriage to Hubby. She's also forbidden me to tell my father because "He wouldn't understand", but I'm going to overrule her on that as soon as I have a chance to talk to my dad alone. My first introduction to the idea of polyamory was my dad's best friend and the friend's two boyfriends, all of whom lived together as a committed triad for over 20 years until dad's friend passed away. So somehow, I think my dad would get it.

A couple of friends who know the three of us suspect, but I haven't actually told them. While I've been visiting Guy the past couple of days, we've talked about how open we want to be, and have come to the decision that while we aren't going to say 'Hey, guess what, here's what's going on", we also aren't going to hide it. He's being cautious because his ex-wife has told him if she finds out he's in a relationship with *any* woman, she'll cut down how often he's able to see their son so "he won't get confused"... nothing like blackmail. But Guy doesn't want to completely hide our relationship either, so we're in the process of sorting that out.

For hubby's part, he's actively trying to keep his mother from finding out about the open part of our marriage, let alone about Guy, because his mother is very... set in her mind, let's say. She wouldn't understand and would be convinced we're heading to divorce court any second now. He isn't so concerned about his father, sister, and uncle (the relative he's closest to) finding out, but he isn't about to tell them.

Co-workers aren't an issue for either of us, really; hubby works with his dad and uncle, and there's only one other employee in the place, and I work for myself and occasionally do paperwork for the family business. Guy's coworkers don't care what he does as long as he does his job.
__________________
Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 45, undetermined
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)
Brick: male, 44, honorary "brother"
Guy: male, 44, former boyfriend, now reality checker

Last edited by KC43; 04-22-2014 at 11:25 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 04-22-2014, 05:36 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,368
Default

We are out to friends. We are not out to family - although that is a possibility at some point (years I would imagine). We are not out to coworkers or the public at large (and won't be until I retire and if/when we are out to family).
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:27 PM.