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  #11  
Old 04-14-2010, 04:55 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I'd love to see how many relationships Facebook and other online social gathering sites have fucked up....I'm very torn on the online thing. I see it as a huge benfit to stay connected to some people but also a disaster waiting to happen for others.
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  #12  
Old 04-14-2010, 04:57 PM
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the commenting really doesn't matter. I guess it was just on my mind at the moment. I do not think posting on someones wall indicates intimacy at all.

I do not like to FRIEND just anyone on facebook. I share my life on their with family and close friends and people I trust. I do not want just anyone to be looking at my info,my kids and my life. It really creeps me out!
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Last edited by tinylove; 04-14-2010 at 10:37 PM. Reason: I am a shitty speller !
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  #13  
Old 04-14-2010, 04:59 PM
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I have had tons of closure with old ex's because of fb. I am so grateful for that. I even went to visit a few in the last years.

I see nothing wrong with even noting that they are still attractive to me. I love to see where they are at, catch up, be all loving towards them for a bit and then move on having felt some closure with some and feeling like we have caught up. Its a matter of keeping it in perspective I think and realizing that it could be just ORE. Haha! That is such a good term for it.
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  #14  
Old 04-14-2010, 05:00 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tinylove View Post
" Hey J invited us to her son's birthday party , Do you want to go? "

I do not even know her, let alone her kid. So it looks to me as if it is a way in so to speak.

I mean do people usually go other peoples kids birthday's when they do not know them?
Yes, I used to do this. As the guy in a relationship, with an ex-wife who had a boat load of female friends who loved reproduction, I was forced to go to lots of kids parties. It happens.

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So I just feel like he is seeking them out to re connect which is what is bothering me.
You said what you need to do, talk to him about it and figure out why. Maybe, devil advocate alert, there is some unfinished business that he needs to reconcile to fully close the book on the relationships past

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Have I confused you all completly?????
Nope..not yet
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  #15  
Old 04-14-2010, 05:11 PM
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yeah ok I will talk to the husband and see where it goes.
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  #16  
Old 04-14-2010, 05:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Would that be ORE (old relationship energy)...meeting with an ex, flame re-ignites a bit but then settles into the new relationship status of friendship
I never heard that term (I'm a "noob" after all!), but yeah...sounds right. We kind of went back and reminisced/explored how we had felt about each other "back then," and it became the basis for a very comfortable friendship that I don't see ever leading anywhere.
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  #17  
Old 04-14-2010, 05:45 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by noob View Post
I never heard that term (I'm a "noob" after all!), but yeah...sounds right. We kind of went back and reminisced/explored how we had felt about each other "back then," and it became the basis for a very comfortable friendship that I don't see ever leading anywhere.
well don't feel bad...I just made it up...
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  #18  
Old 04-14-2010, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by idealist View Post
I tend to disagree with everyone else. I think there are a lot of good reasons to look back and I think there are a lot of reasons that relationships break up which are no longer an issue.

But- maybe age is a factor here. I am 52 and currently lovers with 4 of my ex's. Those relationships were formed in my 40's.....that's different from relationships in my 20's etc. These were all good, healthy relationships which just ended because we were under the (what I call) brainwashed notion that the only valid way to have a relationship is to consider it to be a lifetime monogamous one and that didn't feel right at the time (and still doesn't).
I completely agree. Looking back is a means to self-discovery, for one thing.

Part of how I came to poly was through talking with my first BF, realizing I have historically tried to have multiple intimate connections at once (usually 2), but it never worked because I had no vocabulary for what I was doing and just thought I was flawed/damaged.
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  #19  
Old 04-14-2010, 06:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
well don't feel bad...I just made it up...
LOL, you tricky man!
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  #20  
Old 04-14-2010, 11:17 PM
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Quote:
I'd love to see how many relationships Facebook and other online social gathering sites have fucked up
Mono! I'm surprised at you. It's not the online resources that fuck up the relationships, it's the fact that there were problems not being dealt with or communication was not good in the first place. I agree that online things can exacerbate issues, but I would never agree that they CAUSED the problems in the first place.

For example, on another thread I mentioned how I was friended with an ex of mine which ended because his wife was insecure and they had poor communication. He actually told me that "but the last thing I need is for 'wife' to become suspicious of what I'm doing on FB." Does anyone else see a problem with this statement?

As for the OP's original question, I would have no problem if Cajun was friends with his ex's or "flings" just as he has no problem with my being friends with them, including Elric (again woohoo!) We TRUST each other to talk about anything that comes up, just as I did with Elric. If you trust your partner and have no reason to doubt them, what is the problem really?
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