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  #11  
Old 04-18-2014, 06:46 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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Exactlywhat SC said.

1. It's new and not an established priority yet.
2. Communicate your needs and fears directly. If doibg so scares him off, then he wasnt ready anyway.
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  #12  
Old 04-18-2014, 07:12 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Default I can relate, but

I am living your situation right now and I am okay with it. We just met a few weeks ago and Hook was very upfront with me on the amount of time - this is time to text me, call me, see me - that he has right now. He works in construction and as I know from working for a company like his...and this weather...long work days etc and Hook has a family so I am not a priority for him.

What has been nice is when I do start to over think our current status quo...he'll text shortly after (like he read my mind or something) and either tell me he misses me (he asked for a new face pic of me) or this was just awesome on Tuesday, sent me some bare chested pics of him.

You have to decide what will or will not work for you. Yes, I would like for Hook and I to get all gaga/NRE with each other and ignore our obligations/responsibilities so we can spend a lot more time together, yet that is just not going to happen and I accept it and work through it when I think too much about it.

I have decided I'm still "open and looking" and that if I get asked out for a date I won't be saying "no"...why should I?

Maybe that's what you need to do as well. Keep the door open and just be content with what you have and if you're not content, then either ask him point blank what he wants in a relationship with you or don't ask and be upset.

Good luck!
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  #13  
Old 04-19-2014, 01:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashley612 View Post
. . . the lack of time to see him is so hard. Feel like I am the one constantly finding time (or trying to find time) to get together, and it leaves me feeling kinda sad and lovesick. Feel like I really like this guy, but kinda feels like very early on (2 weeks in) I am not a priority.
It's only been two weeks and you are "constantly" trying to schedule something with him, and feeling "sad and lovesick" over always being the one to initiate? I am having a hard time fathoming why you're so focused on this person you barely know, and feeling lovesick that it's not going the way you want it to after such a short amount of time.

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I've just noticed a change in the frequency of texts and such.
Are you saying that, over just two weeks -- 14 days -- you have already established a pattern and set routine that he's suddenly not following? And you're letting that get you down? Can you see how unrealistic that sounds? It seems you've placed an awful lot of expectations on this guy from the very start, and if someone did that to me, it would strike me as rather odd, immature, and clingy. I'm curious - how old are you, and how experienced are you in relationships in general?

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Originally Posted by Ashley612 View Post
It just kinda comes across that if he has nothing better to do then he has "time" to get together . . . when I am into someone I make the time.

Just feel like I am already more invested than he is, and once NRE wears off it's only going to get worse.
How invested can anyone be at two weeks????

This may not even be a case of his not investing in the relationship as much as you, nor seeing you as not a very high priority. This may simply be a personality trait - and how he approaches dating someone is different from how you do it. He's most likely just not as needy as you are.

For example, during the first two-week period of dating someone new, I wouldn't expect to see him more than once or twice. I'd be very surprised if we got together more often than that. It might be a welcome thing to see someone new three or four times in a two-week period, but it also might not be that welcome if I'm feeling like he's being too pushy or needy. I'd also feel pressured and as if my personal time/space was being invaded if he was pushing to talk or text every day. I dislike daily contact and need my alone time to recharge, because I'm an introvert. Maybe he is, too.

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Originally Posted by Ashley612 View Post
Just don't like wondering if I am being stringed along. Seems to be one of those says one thing and actions say another kinda things. Definitely on the menu to be talked about next time he has some free time.
Hmmm... seriously? Now, see, if I had just started to see someone, and after only two weeks he confronted me and said he felt like I was "stringing him along" because I hadn't made enough effort to see him in that short amount of time, I would find it extremely difficult not to laugh in his face. And I certainly would cross him off my list for any future dates. Anyone who is that high-maintenance at the very beginning of a budding relationship is definitely much too needy and clingy for me, and not someone I'd be interested in continuing to see.

So, if I were you, I would examine my expectations, look to see where they're coming from, and ask myself if I'm being reasonable. I would also ask myself whether I am so focused on this guy right now because I don't have enough going on in my life (intellectually, emotionally, creatively, socially) that is stimulating and satisfying.
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Last edited by nycindie; 04-19-2014 at 02:00 AM.
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  #14  
Old 04-19-2014, 01:51 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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The fact that it's only been two weeks and you have already found a pattern in his becoming distant is a little confusing to me. Did you guys see each other non-stop for the first 7 days and haven't talked for the second 7 days? I can pick up a new video game and go off the grid for a week... it doesn't necessarily mean much. Most likely he's got other stuff he needs/wants to be doing and so he's doing that stuff.

[Edit: nycindie made this exact point lol]

However, this sounds a lot like puppy love run rampant, but only on one side. If he's not interested in a lover he just met then I'm wondering if he's really interested at all? Generally the NRE in the first few weeks of a relationship can be seen from space.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Have you tried just asking him?
If all else fails, ask the person who can actually answer the question accurately!
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Last edited by Marcus; 04-19-2014 at 01:54 AM.
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  #15  
Old 04-19-2014, 01:52 AM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is online now
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I was pretty love sick over both sam and nate even before we mwt (phone 1 week before meeting)

Nate and moved in together a week after meeting and sam and I spent every second we could those first 5 weeks while nate was away in a medical study (Friday-Tuesday)

I don't think that it's that uncommon
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  #16  
Old 04-19-2014, 01:58 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
I don't think that it's that uncommon
Maybe not for you or people like you, but there are all kinds of people in this world. The point I was trying to make is that maybe this guy approaches relationships differently from how she does. I offered my perspective so she could get some insight into how another person, whether introverted or just more casual about relationships, might view frequent contact.
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An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/
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  #17  
Old 04-19-2014, 02:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
[Edit: nycindie made this exact point lol]
Oh Marcus, we're so often on the same wave-length, aren't we? And this time we were posting at around the same time!
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An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/
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  #18  
Old 04-19-2014, 07:19 PM
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I'm normally very non-clingy, and clingy people usually drive me away faster than anything. Gralson was an exception, we basically moved in together on our first date and spent the next 2 weeks inseparable, but that was completely out of character for either of us. Everyone else I've dated since then has been more my regular routine.

Auto is very needy, she readily admits it, and when we started dating it almost scared me off. She would express that she'd like to see me more and that she believed she was getting mixed messages, not unlike what the OP is describing here. Fortunately her husband was able to keep an objective POV and got her to realize that if she kept it up, I was going to hit the road running. Now she's grateful that being in a relationship with me has taught her romantic independence. We're able to appreciate the time we do have, and although she's always the one who misses me before I miss her, we've got a good thing going.
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  #19  
Old 04-20-2014, 12:12 AM
Ashley612 Ashley612 is offline
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Not sure how to answer this without sounding defensive. The "change" was at first he was all crazy gangbusters and then it changed extremely in a short amount of time. I am not "clingy", but I am intense and passionate. Just don't like mixed signals.

Quite frankly, some of the responses I've really appreciate giving me some insight. This is all very new to me. Other seem very judgemental, and not very much making a newbie like me to want to participate further in this forum. Hopefully i get less judgement being a lurker.
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  #20  
Old 04-20-2014, 12:25 PM
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NRE makes me craycray too. Moved in with my husband after 2 weeks, and my boyfriend will be moving in shortly - we've been together almost 3 months. The important thing is to realize that not everyone has the same level of NRE crazies. If you are mismatched in that, one of you is going to have to spin the dial up or down or you'll stay unhappy. He either isn't as interested as you are, or he experiences his NRE in a different way. The only person who can tell you which it is, is your boyfriend.
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