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Old 04-16-2014, 06:38 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
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That is incorrect. She is not "putting the husband" anywhere, nor "making him" choose anything.

She is merely informing him of the choice she made for herself.

He can do whatever the hell he wants, and make changes or not. No one is telling him he needs to choose between his wife and his gf. No one is asking him to do something different, nor making any demands on him whatsoever. She has not taken away his agency by making a choice in what she will have in her life or not. This is not the same as pretending to walk away from someone yet looking backward hoping to see them following (manipulation); this is simply walking away, which is much more respectful of everyone's autonomy. They are all autonomous beings. If he feels he needs to make a choice in response to what he observes in polybynature's actions, that is totally on him, and it will be his own motivation that prompts any kind of decision like that.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 04-16-2014 at 06:42 PM.
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