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Old 04-13-2014, 03:42 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by Devirajni View Post
That was my original point - sorry if the sarcasm didn't come through well on the web. Many poly people, some of them on this forum, DO seem to think that poly means not lying ever, about anything. A frequent poster here has as their signature line "There's no lying in polyamory!" for example. On another forum I frequent, the poly partner in a mono relationship sometimes uses the beautiful absence of lying to make poly seem like a more attractive proposition to their hardwired mono spouse, something like "Hey! If we're poly, then I won't HAVE to lie to you anymore! Everything will be open and above-board!" Which is, as you and others have pointed out, is against human nature. People lie, from fear, from shame, out of self-preservation.
When comparing relationship styles it seems to me that there are more reasons for lying to happen when there are more behavior barriers. A lie is someone covering up for breaking one of the rules, right? So if a relationship arrangement has a ton of rules the opportunity to cross one of the "no-no" lines and then prompt the decision of whether to be honest or lie would be greater.

If this is true, and monogamy by design has one more rule than non-monogamy (sexual and romantic exclusivity) then it could be argued that monogamy leaves more room for dishonesty... there's one more rule to break and lie about.

I imagine that's what people are praising when they talking about honesty inherent in poly. Honesty obviously isn't inherent in poly (or any other relationship view) but there is the opportunity to be honest about one more thing, relationships with other people. Though once PEOPLE get involved and include their squishy insecure feelings and fear of intimacy all bets are off.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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