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  #241  
Old 04-06-2014, 07:48 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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What type of questions are on the co-habitation form? Just curious. I'll pm you my email if you don't mind sharing.
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  #242  
Old 04-08-2014, 11:01 AM
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PunkRockAwesomesauce went home last night and I miss him like crazy. It's interesting, my moods. I actually feel down and a little sad, though I was happy to snuggle and wake up next to DarkKnight today. Both relationships are going very well - just when I think I couldn't be more happy, one of them makes me laugh, or feel valued, or loved. It's really amazing.

I am starting my diet back up this morning. I ate crap all last month. I don't think I've gained much weight, if any, but I feel tired a lot, and crappy. I hope that makes sense - I am in a gloriously happy mood but feel ick because of all the garbage I've been eating. Ugh.

PunkRock's storage area is now completely empty. He is still sorting boxes here, but things are progressing with getting it straightened out. We've been taking boxes of books and CDs to a store in my town that lets us trade it in for cash, or double for store credit. He was able to get himself an iPod and a new OtterBox cover for his phone this last week, so he is doing well with that. The next step, after he gets everything sorted, is to paint the room he will be using. He's gotten some color chips but hasn't made a firm decision yet. The walls are going to need some prep work. I am tired thinking about it now, but I think it is a good goal to complete this month.

Ali - I messaged you the link.
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  #243  
Old 04-09-2014, 06:18 PM
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Warning - background bitchfest commencing.

I really am all over the place with my siblings. They invited me to a group chat this morning and I interjected silliness every now and then while they insulted each other and made plans to get drunk tomorrow. So, kinda good, I guess?

Later, I took my daughter driving - she recently got her learner's permit - and I posted a pic of her before we started her lesson. My brother made a comment almost immediately about how I wouldn't let my mom drive my van while she was living with me. Sigh. This is complete and total crap and the accusation that I did anything but the best for my parents fills me with such...rage and exasperation and defeat that I want to just cry.


My parents lived with me for 3 years, because my father was and still is very ill. They have no savings and little to no money. While they were on ther own, I would help them out financially so DarkKnight agreed that it would be easier to assist them if they lived with us. We relocated to a house that would accommodate them, and boom - after a couple of months my father totaled their vehicle. At the time, I offered to buy them a car - 100% paid for - but my mom declined because she didn't want my dad driving any more. My husband and I have been sharing my van as the only vehicle in our household for quite a long while, and every day I would take him to work, then pick up my father and take him to his appointments. During this time frame, his physical and mental health was deteriorating - he had several appointments a week that took hours of my life up, followed by trips to the pharmacy or moving his records between doctors. A few times I had to have him committed to an institution. My father would lie to my mother about his condition and his medications, so I had to be a go between there too.

Let's see - manic depression, schizophrenia, diabetes, COPD and use of a mobility scooter. He caught his FACE on fire a couple of times because he refused to stop smoking, even though he used oxygen tubes to breathe 100% of the time. Suicide attempts. Hallucinations. Insomnia.

During this time, I was homeschooling, so I also had to take my daughter to her activities and events. What was terrible was that at least every other day I was treated to the lovely assertion that I wasn't teaching lessons correctly, or that I needed to have my daughter learn about current events on FOX news.

Yeah, so my entire life was turned upside down by having my parents live with me.

Every single day - EVERY SINGLE DAY - I would ask my mom if she needed to go anywhere, or if she wanted to go watch my daughter do whatever she had going on. She declined 9 out of 10 times.

During this time, DarkKnight was disrespected and bad mouthed by my mother CONSTANTLY. How he managed to keep it together without flipping out was a source of amazement to me. My mother is extremely Catholic, and in her opinion, my divorce isn't valid and she still wants me to get back wih my ex husband.

All this, and we were covering most of their expenses. My father needed new dentures and both of my siblings flatly refused to contribute. It was a matter of constant pain for my dad, and over several months he lost 30 pounds. Thankfully we were able to work out financing.

We relocated from NY to Maryland, and after a year my parents went back to NY.
My husband had had enough and together we gave them 8 months to save money and move out. They saved NOTHING in that time frame, in spite of paying no rent. We drained our savings to get them relocated, and they now live in a rent adjusted apartment near my brother and sister. I am quite sure you can guess how much attention and assistance they are receiving from my siblings.

Sigh.

Fucking ridiculous.

Vent over.
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  #244  
Old 04-09-2014, 09:47 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluebird View Post
My brother made a comment almost immediately about how I wouldn't let my mom drive my van while she was living with me. Sigh.
Time to stand up for yourself publicly. Simply reply back (I am assuming this is a fb post). "Not true! Daughter asks to drive - mom never did, daughter say yes, when I offer her the opportunity to drive - mom always declined, she even declined the option of a car of her own when it was offered." Just the simple truth. I've noticed that people like your parents will constantly complain and tweak the truth, just to make others feel sorry for them until someone calls them on their shit publicly.

Now if you really wanted to be snarky, you could add "Why didn't you help out when they were homeless and without transportation?"
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  #245  
Old 04-09-2014, 09:51 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Well, what you wrote in your vent is a good response to your effing brother! Then "unfriend" him on FB to teach him a lesson.

Ugh. Sometimes people (esp. family) have this narrow picture in their mind just because of one impression that was made on them, and they think that's the way it is - until someone lays it all out for them. My sister still says shit to me (about me and my life) that is completely inaccurate, but she is only thinking about who I was way back when. Hello? I've moved on, why don't you?

Yeah, things like this are why I appreciate my introverted ways and avoid family functions.
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An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/
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  #246  
Old 04-10-2014, 11:06 AM
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Yeah, I responded that it wasn't true. My mom complained the entire time she lived wih me - always about something. I remember the first time my sister came to visit. She was amazed at how large and bright my parents' basement apartment was - my mom had made it sound like a dungeon. She told my mom she was crazy and that she would love to move in and have me take care of her. It really is a nice space, with a walkout patio separate entrance, so my dad's scooter could be driven outside and he could have some independence. Also, one of the reasons we choose this house is that the city has a bus stop at the end of the street and it costs a dollar to ride anywhere. My mom rode it exactly zero times.

Anyway the fact that she is saying things like this to my extended family isn't a surprise, but to have my brother post it as truth upsets me a great deal. I have been thinking of unfriending them all but it just seems so aggressive. I mean, at one point I moved over a thousand miles away to get rid of their drama in my daily life, and even now I am a state away. Right now I am just letting it all go here and trying not to be anxious over things.
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  #247  
Old 04-10-2014, 09:42 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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I have nothing to do with my Mother due to her negativity and narrow minded views. Haven't spoken with her in close to 2 years. It is nice and peaceful in my life.

Honey they are not worth the headache. Family is NOT about blood it is about who is there for you when the chips are down.
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  #248  
Old 04-11-2014, 03:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluebird View Post
I have been thinking of unfriending them all but it just seems so aggressive.
Aggressive? Really? It's just Facebook. They still have your phone numbers and email addresses, right? You wouldn't fall off the face of the earth. See, I feel like FB should only connect us with the people we really want to connect with, because life's too short! Too much of a hassle, otherwise.

I fine tune all my settings so that certain people I don't see any of my pictures and cannot post to my wall.

But I am one of those people who only logs into FB maybe once every few months.
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/
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  #249  
Old 04-14-2014, 02:44 AM
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So I had lunch today with a friend that I met at a swinging party I attended in February. She lives somewhat close - about 20 minutes away - and I haven't seen her since February, though we are Facebook friends and we text sometimes. She's kind of dating a guy that I talked with on OKC and FetLife in January. He tried to hook up with me a few times, but I was never attracted to him. Anyway, it was great to see her - and him - again, but sort of weird since it was in a normal setting. PunkRockAwesomesauce came along with me, which had me a bit nervous.

He had asked me previously to not really talk about my swinging forays since they happened right after we had our first couple of dates. So you can imagine that it wasn't the best for him to be sitting there listening to us talk about people we know from that arena. I felt really bad, and I asked him about his feelings afterward. He was noncommittal, but seemed ok. We are going to see my friends again on Saturday - I am having them over for a BBQ.

I have some regrets about the play parties I attended. Well, only one - the timing was crap. I feel that they were a needed boost to my self-esteem, and something I needed to really take back my sense of power after my breakup with M, if that makes any sense. However, it fucking sucks that it had to go on the week that PunkRock and I were actually starting our relationship. After that week, and I realized how serious he was about me, that was it - I called off any further events and broke things off with the other guys I was seeing. Still, I am sad it makes him unhappy.

I don't love him any less because I decided to give swinging a try. In fact, I think it was good because it showed me that even a boundless amount of attention from men doesn't slow down my libido. And it showed me that the sort of attention I received there, though empowering to me, wasn't what I ultimately wanted or needed.

I don't know how to articulate that any better. I regret that it makes the start of my relationship with PunkRockAwesomesauce seem less than serious - because I did truly like him right from the moment he caught my eye in January. I wrote about him here, actually, and in my happiness journal at home. But he was busy, said he wasn't interested in dating right then, and so I continued on with my life. When he messaged me and asked me out, I was SO excited, but my parties were already on the calendar, and other guys I had been excited about fizzled out previously, so, well, again I continued my life.

Now though, looking back, it makes me sad. I wish I had known he was going to sweep me off my feet and make me love him something wonderful.

Such is the way it goes, I suppose. Things right now seem, as always, too good to be true. We bought the paint for his room today before he left to go back to his city for a couple of days. I miss him quite terribly while he is gone, but he will be back soon enough - Wednesday, I hope! I have plenty to keep me busy between now and then, but I will be longing for the way the crook of his arm enfolds me while I sleep, and how warm his lips are when they touch mine. Whoo! Be still my heart.


Another blast from the past this week - a guy I hooked up with once, messaged me on FetLife. This was disturbing because this was a guy that I had to block on OKC and on my phone because he would NOT stop messaging me. I think I posted about him previously - he was really, really desperate and he kinda scared me with his intensity. I regretted having sex with him even as I was doing it. Sigh.

Anyway, he messaged me about how he has a new Fet account and how great that we can reconnect there now. I had a rough evening over that. I feel responsible for him having these feelings for me and I didn't want to hurt him further, but fuck! I blocked him everywhere! I told him he was messaging too much and that I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship, but he didn't get it. And here, after a couple months, he is again. It made me feel like a terrible human being.

I still feel like a terrible human being.

Thankfully, the next morning I wrote him back and just briefly said that I hoped he'd find some happiness on Fet and that people I'd met through the site were great. Also that I was really, really REALLY very happy with my boyfriend and not interested in revisiting us.

No joke - he messaged me back an instant after I sent that. However disconcerting that was, he did say thanks and that he understood I was not dating anyone else.

So, that relieved me a great deal. I haven't heard from him since then, which is good.
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  #250  
Old 04-14-2014, 07:25 PM
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Squee! I made an appointment today to get a poly tattoo! I have been thinking about it for a while and I am SO ready. This will be my 4th tattoo.

This one is going to be located on my left hand, above my wrist but below the space between my thumb and pointer finger. It's going to look like this:



Smaller though, so it fits in the spot. I don't want it overly large.

Also, I think I want the outline to be red on the heart, but the infinity symbol will be black. I have some time to think about that though - the next available appointment with the artist I requested isn't until May 21.

Still, squeeeee!
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