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  #571  
Old 04-09-2014, 04:30 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Default Anniversary

Tomorrow will be 21 years for GG and I. we have rotated through a variety of roles with each other. Some repeatedly. Friends, best friends, fwb, lovers, a couple, coparents, roommates...
I don't know exactly what label fits right now.
A couple, yes.
Lovers, no.
Friends, always.
Roommates, yes.
Coparents, yes.

But certainly there is room for improvement. We have been so disconnected this last year it leaves those who know us personally somewhat breathless with shock.
Still; there is love and a shared history. There are still children to raise and bills to pay.
But with all that binds our lives together, we are like kites that may be tied to the same post and yet are being drive. By different winds. Winds that seem to be maniacally pulling and twisting, no longer in unison and yet not always apart, sometimes slamming into one another unexpectedly and then just as suddenly blown so far apart we are practically invisible to each other.

At any rate; 21 years of weathering such storms is worth acknowledgement.
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  #572  
Old 04-12-2014, 06:25 AM
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Read in a fb conversation; "non-monogamy is always an affair even if everyone agrees to it ans it always has negative and hurtful consequences...non-monogamy has been a basic wrong since the beginning of time regardless of personal beliefs or religions etc...this is my experience over 30 years of life..."

Um... OKAY so you haven't met anyone who is capable of honest and forthright responsible non-monogamy.
BUT you also evidently live a VERY sheltered life if you aren't aware that monogamy as you know it hasn't been around more than what? 100 years at the most?
Cause men having sex outside of marriage wasnt always considered adultry.... Oh wait-and it wasn't always rape if they fucked a woman who wasnt interested either.
Oh and wait a minute-how much of the world still practices polygamy?
Good gried did u take any history?
I learned more in Sunday school than to believe monogamy BETWEEN SPOUSES has been a "social expectation" or norm throughout history.

Eye roll.

(I did not vent this on them. I did respond with a few choice remarks. But nothing rude)
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  #573  
Old 04-12-2014, 02:06 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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There is simply too much anthropology to prove him incorrect.. definitely not worth taking seriously..

Sweeping generalizations about the history of humanity are as moronic as sweeping generalizations about humanity today.
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  #574  
Old 04-12-2014, 05:58 PM
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Catching up with your blog, LR. I didn't realize the disconnect with GG has been going on for so long. 2 years!?

When you listed the different shapes your relationship has taken, did you purposely leave out the D/s aspect? Has his job become his new Domme? The job that treats him like "pissed in dirt?" Does he enjoy humiliation?

Congrats on the college paper and grad school research plans. That is really great!
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me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #575  
Old 04-13-2014, 05:04 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Mag-that is a concept I honestly hadn't even considered but damn-it sure fits...
I didn't intentionally leave it out of my list. I honestly didn't bother to put it in because after so long of him distancing himself, I have to really make an effort to think of what there was/is.

It was odd going out for our "anniversary" and running errands. It was nice to spend the day together. It's been so fucking long since we did that it's not funny. But-it was awkward too. After literally more than a year... I didn't know what to say.
He brought up work to tell me that next week he's going to start going in 2 hours earlier 3 days a week. Not a "change in hours", another addition to the number of hours he's working. I didn't comment.

He's devastated that I'm going to Kodiak with Maca. But he can't see that there isn't anything HERE to stay behind for. Even as a friend, I never see him or spend time with him. He's busy with work.

My sister has already booked her trip to come to Kodiak for Sour Pea's birthday this summer (over a weekend). GG hasn't.
I invited him to go to California with Sour Pea and I in August. He hasn't arranged that either-in fact, he told me he doesn't know if he can take the time off of work.

Maca is agog. He's being decently nice about everything. But he's stunned and somewhat offended, after all the battle I put in for GG-GG seems to just be wandering off to the beck and call of the siren call of his job. Which he professes to hate...
It's all baffling.

I let go of the D/s. I can't be part of that with someone who isn't maintaining the basic intimacy of a friendship with me.
We don't fight. We aren't at war. It's peaceful in a creepy sort of way. But I feel the loss in a surreal way. It's a gut wrenching and heartbreaking calm. I imagine something like the feeling one gets before or after a storm.

I don't know.

I just keep focusing on school, kids and me. Trying to let him be who he needs to be.
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  #576  
Old 04-13-2014, 05:05 AM
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I know Ari. I was just eye rolling. I had to just shut off the computer and walk away because the amount of time it would have taken to pull the links and then post them, would have been time that could be better used.
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  #577  
Old 05-06-2014, 03:14 AM
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Finished the semester. 2 A's and 1 B. Not complaining. Less than 3 weeks until the move to Kodiak. SO MUCH TO DO.

Nothing significant has changed in the household (yet) but a lot of changes are coming fast.

My sister is moving in (little sister, she's 20), she's renting a room while she continues in college, our mom is moving to Missouri to take care of our grandparents.

Maca, me and Sour Pea are going to Kodiak for 7 months. Sweet Pea is staying here (part of the time) driving to Missouri with my mom (as her copilot), taking a two week trip to Brazil with my in-laws... busy kid.

Spicy Pea is probably getting her nephew (husband's sisters new baby), who was born Saturday-on meth. The state took custody of the baby Saturday afternoon, the paperwork is started for him to be turned over to Spicy. Not sure how long that will take.

Little P (her oldest son) is potty trained! YAY and he's coming to visit Grammy in Kodiak for a month later in the summer. SO EXCITING! He loves camping and riding the 4 wheelers with Papa, and we will be doing A LOT of that.

Coconut (the youngest son) took his first steps last week. The next day they came over and he walked to Grammy giggling the whole way across our living room! I'm going to miss him. When they went home, I bawled my eyes out realizing I won't see him for SO DAMN LONG. Sigh.

GG.. I don't know. I'm too tired to even think about it right now.

Friday I start my 3 day ABATE class for getting my motorcycle license. Excited about that.

Last Saturday, Sweet Pea had his first prom. He asked me to go as his date (so I did). He was so amazing. We had a blast! His best friend went along too. They have been taking ballroom dance classes together. They kept me on my toes all night! We did the cha-cha, the hustle and the salsa. It was so much more fun than when I went to prom in high school! LOL!
Awesome boys, so proud of them! (but I need to practice cause my whole body is sore!)
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  #578  
Old 05-27-2014, 02:49 AM
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Made it safely past the wildfire Wednesday (Soldotna Alaska) to Homer, Alaska to catch the ferry to Kodiak.
Still no internet (cell phone only). But we got the apartment, mattresses, scrounged up dishes, a bunkbed and some wire spools for tables.
Today we took the kids fishing.
I got to facetime the grandkids and my daughter. That was nice.

Little worried about split pea. He lives with his uncle very close to the fire. But he has been good about keeping me up to date.
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  #579  
Old 05-27-2014, 06:28 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Those fires can be scary! My kid had to be evacuated once while working staff at a scout camp. A kid we consider a nephew had to be evacuated as a scout camper 3 years in a row and one year had to leave all his stuff in in a bathroom (the campsites had cinder block open air bathrooms, so that's where all the non-essential gear got stuffed) and a few items came home a bit melted, but not burned. Just a matter of time before we are breathing smoke soon, we have already had 4 fires within 200 miles of us this month.
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  #580  
Old 06-17-2014, 09:45 PM
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Kodiak... sigh. Overcast, dismal grayness... NOT preferential weather for me.

Maca and I are doing good. But this place is not good for me. We agreed, no small effort on his part to reassure me, that I need to go home earlier than planned, and stay here less time than planned on future trips.
More money will be spent to send me and Sour Pea back and forth, but hopefully less strain on my mental health.
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