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  #41  
Old 04-04-2014, 08:34 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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Lady and I have been talking about various ways to work on issues we've both had in the past.

1- My dislike of seeing her and hubby being physically affectionate. Hello/goodbye kisses, a little hand holding, fine. Actual cuddling, not so fine. Mostly this stems from me feeling like a third wheel, which is not at all how I want to feel in my own home. Trying to define exactly what kind of physical touch I find too intimate to witness is difficult for me, so she is trying to limit herself which I know is difficult for her since she is a very physically demonstrative person. This doesn't seem to be an issue in more of a group setting where I have other people to interact with as well.

Solution: (Possibly temporary) limitations on how much they cuddle/physically touch when it is just the three of us. Trying to do activities that allow me to feel more comfortable cuddling with them without our behaviour/situation being the main focus - so all three of us cuddling on the couch watching a movie or tv instead of all of us on the couch talking.

2- The time issue. She doesn't get much time, I don't feel like I get much uninterrupted time, hubby gets next to no alone time.

Solution: They are being a bit more casual, without dedicated weekly time. They'll see each other at least once a month, probably, she and I will continue hanging out every other week or once a month to try to get more comfortable with one another, and then when hubby has fewer time restraints we can re-evaluate.

3- Her desire to talk about EVERYTHING with me.

Solution: As long as I feel little stress in the other parts of my life, I can suck it up. As she and I get more comfortable, I'll feel happier about it in general but right now it is a struggle for me to be vulnerable around her. She is, in general, the same way so we are making more of an effort to connect more intimately (from an emotional standpoint). If I do feel too stressed because of work or home issues or whatever, she is fine with me telling her I need x amount of time without too in depth of discussions. She has also agreed to make more of an effort of scheduling discussions with me so that I can mentally prepare and can make sure that it isn't a time when I'm going to feel too drained and such. For someone who likes to talk about anything and everything all the time to agree to plan in advance more, I'm thinking this is a good compromise.
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  #42  
Old 04-08-2014, 07:42 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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I went on a first date last week! It was fun. He's interesting, kind, funny, and totally my type personality-wise (physically I don't really have a type, although he's tall which I like). The down side? He is connected to Doomed through a girlfriend who is also dating him (or used to date? Not really up to date there and I tried to tune out his yammering). Damn. Not that that would totally kill it for me, if we had acknowledged the connection and moved on BUT he kept fucking talking about it! I mean, really. I mention how horrible of an experience the ending of that relationship was for me. How I didn't date for months because of it. So, OF COURSE, you should keep talking about the person who broke my heart for 15 minutes on our first date! Riiiight. So, I told him that I had no desire to discuss him or his primary partner (who new guy actually has a similar opinion about) because it just drudges up painful memories and emotions. We change the topic, and it's fine-ish again. It was kind of late at that point, and I had to work the next morning so I had to go home not TOO long after that.

The next day he texts me.... and fucking mentions Doomed AGAIN! I mean, seriously. The way to a girl's heart (or panties, whatever his goal is) is most definitely not bringing up her ex who she asked you not to talk about.

So, that's going nowhere. There were other negatives about his situation, so this was just the last nail in the coffin of any sort of friendship or relationship.

I think I'm going to hold off on dating again for a while. Enjoy Hubby and focus on adjusting to the changes going on since he and Lady are making a go of it again. Continue hanging out with Boy and feeling weird at how strange he is behaving these days but mostly enjoying our time together. Maybe focus on trying to make some more friends again. Friends that actually have time and motivation to get out and do stuff.

Life goes on.
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  #43  
Old 04-09-2014, 05:48 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing View Post
. . . he kept fucking talking about it!

. . . The next day he texts me.... and fucking mentions Doomed AGAIN! I mean, seriously. The way to a girl's heart (or panties, whatever his goal is) is most definitely not bringing up her ex who she asked you not to talk about.

So, that's going nowhere. There were other negatives about his situation, so this was just the last nail in the coffin of any sort of friendship or relationship.
<GROAN> Yeah, really. That just tells me he's quite insensitive and more than a little dumb.

Keep moving... Next!
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  #44  
Old 04-09-2014, 08:05 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
<GROAN> Yeah, really. That just tells me he's quite insensitive and more than a little dumb.

Keep moving... Next!
Yeah... I was pretty amazed at the insensitivity.

Today, I am feeling kind of weird. I want to be out doing something, but at the same time I want to be home curled up the couch with a good book. So far, I've settled for somewhere in between - running a few errands with hubby before he went to work and getting some housework done.

My coworker wants to hang out, but we're signing up for a gym and I can't do that until tomorrow (I can get a discount but have to wait until tomorrow for the paperwork).

Yarn wants to hang out, but I don't have a vehicle tonight and she doesn't want to drive to me. So... We're having this weird conversation since we're both kind of in limbo about what to do.

Boy is having some stress issues and is kind of driving me nuts. I'm thinking we won't see each other this week, which is kind of a relief and kind of disappointing since it'd make curling up on the couch so much more satisfying to have someone to cuddle with.

Lady and I are hanging out on Friday. I'm excited and worried since we've never actually spent this long of a time together just the two of us. She's cooking dinner, I'm bringing dessert. Here's hoping it turns out well!

I'm applying for new jobs. Buying another car this week, I hope (have one in mind, just need to get it inspected and try to get them to lower the price a bit so I can do registration and all that and stay in the budget I set). I just want to sleep, but there are so many little things to get done.

I just feel... meh.
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  #45  
Old 04-15-2014, 06:37 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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Last week didn't go as I expected, really...

Lady and I had a perfectly nice time spending a day together, BUT we both recognize that we connect to people in different ways that don't mesh. So... It's awkward, and neither of us know how to change it.

Boy ended up picking me up after my day with Lady, and I spent the evening/night cuddling with him. We went to dinner, where he held my hand or had his arm around me as often as possible. We rented a movie we'd been talking about seeing since it hit theaters. Cuddled up on the couch to watch it. Then I took a shower while he got laundry put away and such so we could go to bed. Normally I help him with laundry, but I felt so gritty after spending the day outside. We're hitting a domestic stride that we had when we dated previously. It's weird and comforting and kind of disconcerting. I don't want to default into a relationship, and I don't see myself ever feeling the same kind of love I felt for Boy before. We're supposed to talk this week, so we'll see how that goes (I said something mean when I was in a bad mood, felt horrible, apologized profusely, and have promised him a nice home cooked meal before we talk). I think he's to the point that he wants to figure out what exactly we're doing. I suppose that's fair.

In better news... I got a new job! It all happened quickly, but I'll be starting as soon as my background check and drug test comes back. Woohoo! Monday through Friday wonderfulness! My current boss was kind of a bitch when I called to tell her, and I'll be handing in my official written two-week notice today with a lot less sadness than I felt immediately after learning I got the new position. Sad that a job I could love a ton is ruined by a few people.
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  #46  
Old 04-22-2014, 09:49 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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One more week at my current job, and I am so ready to be gone. I'm going to miss some aspects of it, but mostly my coworkers are driving me insane. I've worked 40 hours in the last 3 days. I had an 8 hour break between shifts this morning and this afternoon. When I get back, the lunch I had left in the fridge very clearly labelled was completely gone. My fruit, veggies, and leftovers from Hubby making me dinner the other day. Really, people?!

Hubby and I are doing well. We've been discussing all kinds of things and trying to more clearly understand how the other relates to people and things.

Lady is spending the night with Hubby Saturday night. I'm staying with Boy since he doesn't want me to be uncomfortable, apparently. Not that I'm complaining.

Looking forward to life becoming routine.
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  #47  
Old 04-24-2014, 12:34 AM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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Sometimes I want to send snarky responses to crappy OkCupid messages I get. Today I got this message:

Quote:
Hey what up my name is (who cares)
My # is xxx xxx xxxx
I text an call
Congratulations, dude. You know how to use your phone. Too bad you don't know how to read profiles or use proper grammar/punctuation.
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  #48  
Old 04-24-2014, 08:05 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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Feeling lonely today.

I know I eventually want another loving relationship. I know I have no one in my life currently that would fill that role. Therefore I need to meet new people if I want to find someone that could eventually be a loving, life-long partner.

I hate meeting new people. So, so, so, so, so much. The last 6 months, every person I've met has ended up being ridiculous in some way. Either ridiculously self-centered, ridiculously idiotic, or something else. It just has NOT been going well.

Now I'm wondering how to motivate myself. Obviously my deep down desire for love isn't enough.

Part of me thinks I use Boy as a crutch. I mean, to everyone else he looks like a boyfriend. We spent one night a week together, we encourage each other to pursue goals and get out of the house, we hold hands and cuddle, we talk about everything... But the love isn't there, and it never will be. I loved him once, or thought I did. I don't think I could go back. He's unreliable, he doesn't really want the same things I do, he's nowhere near ready for any kind of commitment, and, most importantly, I highly doubt he would ever actually love me. BUT he fulfills my need for companionship, he cares about me as a friend, and we have some awesome sex. It's just enough that I don't push myself to look for something better, even though I know I could maintain both the FWB status with Boy AND a loving relationship with someone, which would make me feel about as saturated as I could ever want to be.

I really hate it when I start thinking about what I want v. what I have.
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  #49  
Old 04-29-2014, 07:51 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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Struggling this week. I was feeling much better. Happy entertaining myself, getting stuff accomplished, goodness. Then Hubby is spending the night with Lady, while I'm spending the night with Boy. We have regular check-ins planned working around their plans. No problem... Until... Hubby makes it 100% clear that as soon as he hangs up the phone, he's going back in the room to fuck Lady. I know they're sexual, I know they're going to have sex, I expect that to happen. I DO NOT WANT TO BE MADE AWARE DURING THE ACT. Period.

So, it's been arguments, and crying, and distance, and weirdness all week. Because he knew I was upset and therefore spent much of the rest of his time with her moping. Which upset/scared her.

So, Lady and I are still attempting to work on the things together that we've agreed to. Hubby and I are attempting to work through his constant boundary breaking (which has included me feeling zero desire for any sort of physical intimacy and forcing myself to give him kisses and hugs so he doesn't freak out). Boy is being Boy, and pulls away right when I could really use someone to listen. Just listen. I don't expect him to come over and comfort me when I'm upset. I don't expect him to do anything, really, but asking me what's going on when he knows I've been stressed and upset for days would be nice. Oh, well.

Yarn has been awesome, but she's going through her own stuff, so I don't want to bother her much with my issues.

Another friend has been trying to hang out lately, but our transportation is awkward so we haven't been able to figure it out. Everyone else is just going about their own lives... Checking in occasionally, but never really seeming interested/available enough for me to open up. I need to focus more energy on finding more (or better) friends.

I'm also starting my new job today. Additional stress and sadness at leaving the place I'm at now. Gr.
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  #50  
Old 04-30-2014, 07:42 AM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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A bit more stable today. Hubby knows we're not going to be "normal" until he's had a few dates during which he respects my boundaries. If this constant boundary breaking continues, we can't be poly and together. Rather he can't be open to additional relationships and with me. He will have to choose, and right now I know beyond a doubt he will choose to go back to only being sexually open to stay with me, which completely sucks for Lady and would lead to heartbreak and craziness all around. So, I hope for all of our sakes that he can get it together.

Boy got bad news today, so we were both cranky. Barely talked, and I don't really see that changing this week. See if we get back in a rhythm next week when we're feeling a bit calmer about the negatives in our lives. Doesn't help that we're both struggling with very different things at the moment so neither of us is really in a place to be overly supportive or available to just listen. Fuck.
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