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  #41  
Old 04-02-2014, 07:00 PM
pulliman pulliman is offline
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Well, I'd reached polysaturation at 3, and I was pretty overwhelmed by keeping those three relationships going with the intensity that each of them contained. I didn't really get used to it - but I sure as hell felt FULL.

As for communication style, Ella and I only speak by phone and by typing (doesn't matter what medium), while Amy and Willa and I saw each other pretty regularly, but also wrote a LOT during the intense periods. Saturation was fully present when I was spending what felt like most of my day writing inside the relationships, interacting, working through things, and so on. It was pretty damn intense for a while.
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  #42  
Old 04-02-2014, 09:15 PM
Eponine Eponine is offline
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I hate phone calls as well. But unlike some of you, I also really dislike face to face. I'm most comfortable in IMs, then texts, then emails. After that, face to face and then phone.

Now, if I'm in a serious relationship with someone, chances are I'm comfortable enough with them to enjoy spending time face-to-face. But that will have required a lot of IM communication to get to that point.
If it's about getting to know someone, I don't like face to face very much either. I can be terribly quiet and awkward in front of someone I don't know well. I couldn't do the "Hey, you seem interesting. Let's meet for coffee tomorrow!" in online dating (but I've given up on online dating now). I don't need face-to-face meeting to determine "chemistry". The only kind of chemistry I understand is intellectual chemistry, which I can tell from talking online.

In the getting-to-know-you stage, I prefer emails over everything else. If the other person hates emails, chances are we won't get along well. From my experience, preferred communication method does reveal some important aspects of one's personality.
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  #43  
Old 04-02-2014, 09:43 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eponine View Post
In the getting-to-know-you stage, I prefer emails over everything else. If the other person hates emails, chances are we won't get along well. From my experience, preferred communication method does reveal some important aspects of one's personality.
For me, direct emails wouldn't work until after we exchange messages through OKC (or whatever other site at which we "met") for a bit. I will not give out my personal contact info to anyone until after a few weeks of exchanges that give me at least some small sense of who they are. And then I do have one email address I use for that. But once we get rolling and after we meet, I do prefer emails over other forms, if we can't get together in person.
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  #44  
Old 04-02-2014, 09:54 PM
Eponine Eponine is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
For me, direct emails wouldn't work until after we exchange messages through OKC (or whatever other site at which we "met") for a bit. I will not give out my personal contact info to anyone until after a few weeks of exchanges that give me at least some small sense of who they are. And then I do have one email address I use for that. But once we get rolling and after we meet, I do prefer emails over other forms, if we can't get together in person.
Yeah, by emails I also meant other time-lapse forms of communication, mainly messaging on various websites. I usually exchange messages for a few weeks before moving to emails as well. For me the most important thing is having enough time to write an email/message at my own pace. I don't need fast responses, and I'll be uncomfortable if the other person pushes for IM, phone, or texting.
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  #45  
Old 04-03-2014, 06:20 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by Eponine View Post
I can be terribly quiet and awkward in front of someone I don't know well.
Me too. And that's why I like to meet in person. I'll explain.

Every person I've ever had a successful relationship with, we've just "clicked" from square one. Even though I'm awkward, shy, and introverted... when I met Auto, we talked and talked for several hours at our first coffee, which we had after only a couple messages to establish basic interest. I just instantly felt comfortable with her, like I could be myself. We talked about ourselves, our families, our other relationships, and at no moment was there the slightest hint of awkwardness. Our first coffee went so well, we planned another and another, and eventually she asked me out on an "official" date. We've been together for over 2 years now.

When I met Gralson, it was pretty much the same thing. We met in person at a fetish ball, and we mostly hung out in groups the first few times. But when we did get together one-on-one, the conversation was so smooth and easy.

Meanwhile, I've met tons of people online where we "connected" really well in chat, but then the moment we sit down it's all "so, uhh... yeah... so... uhm..." And it never picked up from there.

So for me, that's how I can tell within minutes whether I connect with someone in person. If there's something there, it will just click right away, with no effort whatsoever, and we'll connect on every level that matters. But even intellectually, I can connect with someone online and then try to discuss the exact same topics in person, and it's just... crickets.
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  #46  
Old 04-18-2014, 07:07 AM
sweetersong sweetersong is offline
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For me I think 2, but not sure about perhaps being polysexual with others on top of this, I/we are very new to this, so no experience yet though. My crush, who I hope becomes my girlfriend and I are just emailing at the moment. We both have partners and children, plus she has a new job and is getting all the bad shifts, so it makes it awkward to meet at the moment
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  #47  
Old 04-20-2014, 05:41 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re (from OP):
Quote:
"So just a question ... how many relationships do you have and how many do you think is too many? and why ..."
How many do I have? If you mean current romantic relationships with living persons, I have one.

How many do I think is too many and why? I don't think I could quote a fixed number, because every person, and every relationship, is uniquely different. Some people want more time and attention in each of their relationships than do others.

The same applies to my personal limit (or saturation point). I don't know how many partners I could handle. I'd have to know each actual person, and experience each actual relationship. It boils down to how much of my time and attention each person needs.

Observation has taught me that three-person units (V's and triads) are by far the most common size where poly relationships are concerned. I've seen Z's/quads here and there but they often slough off one person after awhile. On the other hand, I do know of some intimate networks (of five or more people), and at least one or two of them (that I know of) have stayed together for a long time.

I'm drawing the line at Solomon though. 700 wives and 300 concubines is too much for any man.
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  #48  
Old 04-23-2014, 06:33 PM
BillNIndy BillNIndy is offline
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Judging from what I know and how I commit to a serious emotional relationship, I'd say my saturation level would be 2 deeply emotional & physical partners and possibly 1 "part time FWB".

Although, at this point in my life, I don't know if I really would want the FWB. But I'm always open to the possibility of meeting someone exceptional to fill that roll.
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  #49  
Old 04-24-2014, 01:52 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Re (from OP):

I'm drawing the line at Solomon though. 700 wives and 300 concubines is too much for any man.
Typical Biblical hyperbole, not to mention the height of patriarchal sexism, women as chattel! Imagine Solomon's plight. He'd have to have sex with 3 women a day, every day, to get to all of them in one year, once each!

My plight right now is, I think my bf is polysaturated, but he doesn't seem aware he is. He's got his wife, me, he is FWBs with my gf, plus he's been on the hunt for yet another woman for the last year. He's attempted to date 2, succeeded in dating 2 more, both of which relationships lasted a few months, and now another woman is hot for him, and they are in beginning stages of NRE. It gets tiresome for me, having to make space for each of his new crushes every month or two! We've had to have several long talks about it lately.
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  #50  
Old 04-24-2014, 06:20 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I think my bf is polysaturated, but he doesn't seem aware he is.....It gets tiresome for me, having to make space for each of his new crushes every month or two! We've had to have several long talks about it lately.
I struggle with this. I feel resentful and abandoned when someone close to me starts spending less time and energy with me because they met someone newer and shinier. I feel that if you can't find room without cutting into our quality time, you shouldn't be taking on another lover.
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