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Old 03-26-2014, 01:47 AM
Blinded Blinded is offline
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Hello, I'm a first time poster here.

I am a married man in a poly relationship in which my wife loves other people and my girlfriend lives with another man, which they also both engage in poly lifestyle. My relationship with my girlfriend has taken a turn over the course of the the last six months that I can not seem to understand. Our schedules have always been at odds which has made the relationship very difficult to sustain from the beginning and has presented many challenges along the way, although we have been together for over two years. In the last six months the distance has grown increasingly, to the extent that the only time I see her anymore is in group situations which I also enjoy but miss the intimate time that was so precious all along. I have doubled my efforts to try to seek more time with her and more communication with her in order to keep the relationship current and valid. In doing this I have somehow triggered a reaction in which I feel she is pulling away from me even more to the extent that my suggestions of having even short communication, such as over a cup of coffee at a place where she will feel comfortable and not as if shes being confronted be me in some way, have concurred responses of, she is open to coffee and communication but will not commit to a time to do so. I worry that perhaps our relationship is already at an end, I am in love with her and have not been able to make that correlation which could be very obvious to someone else. In no way has she told me things are at an end or treats me in any negative way. I simply don't understand why the distance is increasing so rapidly and why when I've made it clear that I'm worried about it, that her response is to let thing linger. I do apologize for the length of this post and welcome any thoughts or insight anyone may wish to post. Thank you.
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Old 03-26-2014, 01:53 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I think you need to ask her point blank: "I feel a distance has grown between us and I don't know why. Is anything wrong? Is there anything I can do to help? Is there something you need to tell me? Please just let me know, don't leave me hanging."
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Old 03-26-2014, 02:11 AM
Blinded Blinded is offline
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I am in total agreement, nycindie. I have yet been given the chance to do so even though I've been told I would. This is what is making it more confusing to me.
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Old 03-26-2014, 02:51 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blinded View Post
I am in total agreement, nycindie. I have yet been given the chance to do so even though I've been told I would. This is what is making it more confusing to me.
Have you told her point blank that you need to talk to her? Surely your schedules aren't so complex that an hour for coffee can't even be arranged?
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Old 03-26-2014, 03:12 AM
Blinded Blinded is offline
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I have told her that I would like the time to talk about "us". I have found my week completely open(which is not the normal) and have made a request to spend anytime with her in order to talk and that I would be there whenever she was available. The response I got was that she was open to talking and that it seemed as if there were things that each one of us would like to say. That was four days ago and I have heard nothing since in response to my request. I am barely able to get a reply on simple everyday things such as asking how her children are doing on a particular day. I feel as if there is some avoidance present, but I'm not aware of why. As I said there is no treatment, when we are out with friends that would make me believe that there is something wrong, only that she is becoming more distant. And that she is unwilling to spend time with me alone.
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Old 03-26-2014, 11:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Blinded View Post
I feel as if there is some avoidance present, but I'm not aware of why.
It's certainly avoidance, regardless of feeling. Hopefully hearing the "why" will make you feel better not worse.
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