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  #11  
Old 03-24-2014, 03:33 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Honesty is the best policy .

My younger kids who were 9&5 when they found out didn't miss a step. My oldest son was taken aback but he is 20 and an adult. He is the one who outed me to family. Oh well.
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Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
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  #12  
Old 03-24-2014, 04:29 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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The way I see it... your kids are going to figure it out sooner or later, and they'll spill the beans to your dad soon thereafter. I highly advise against asking them to keep it a secret because that attitude breeds all kinds of shame. In other words, your dad's going to find out eventually, and it would be better for him to hear it from you, the way you want him to hear it, rather than vague and misunderstood the way his grandkids might tell it. If it comes from them, he'll probably assume you're cheating. Even though cheating is more acceptable in our ass-backwards society, it's not likely to win you any brownie points.
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  #13  
Old 03-25-2014, 10:31 PM
jeffanddannie jeffanddannie is offline
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Im glad I found this topic. I have two kids 15 and 9 who dont know, and we do alot of sneaking around I guess to avoid it. the main fear is not that they would have an issue with it, its that they would spread it to everyone, and we aren't ready to be out to everyone. some people we know wouldn't understand.
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  #14  
Old 03-25-2014, 10:35 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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If people do not love you for who you are then why do you care what they think?
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40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #15  
Old 03-25-2014, 10:41 PM
jeffanddannie jeffanddannie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
If people do not love you for who you are then why do you care what they think?
in my case, my family is very religious and I do care what my mom thinks, she loves my wife and comes over for holidays and we are all very happy. but when my brother was dateing a girl while he was married ( though he was cheating) she found out and tore into him and they didnt talk for years. they are fine now, but I dont want that drama so for me it seems easier to not let her know. so then it comes back to telling the kids.... if I tell them, she will find out. she may find out later down the line anyways im aware. its a rock and a hard place for me lol
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  #16  
Old 03-26-2014, 05:27 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeffanddannie View Post
Im glad I found this topic. I have two kids 15 and 9 who dont know, and we do alot of sneaking around I guess to avoid it. the main fear is not that they would have an issue with it, its that they would spread it to everyone, and we aren't ready to be out to everyone. some people we know wouldn't understand.
You can't be certain what they know unless you tell them. Kids are more perceptive than their parents generally give them credit for. Many people have been in your situation, and when they do eventually tell their kids, the reaction is often something like "What? Dad knew? I though you were just cheating on him."

If they find out some other way, there's an even greater chance that word will get out, because they'll need to talk to someone about it and they might be afraid to talk to you because if you've tried to keep it secret then they might think you don't want to talk about it. So instead they tell their besties and then their besties tell their parents, the parents tell other people, and before you know it everyone knows that you're "cheating on your husband."
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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  #17  
Old 03-28-2014, 04:46 AM
Maleficent Maleficent is offline
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When we told our kids the teenagers had already connected the dots. Smart kids.

As far as coming out to extended family, only Darla is out. None of us live near our family of origin so it isn't something that has really been a pressing issue. And it's nice that we have had some time for our relationship to grow and strengthen.

My own family is very religious. Mormons in fact. Polygamy is a bit of a hot topic as the main stream lds church looks down on it. I'm confident that once the shock wears off they will be accepting. But only time will tell.
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  #18  
Old 03-28-2014, 08:51 AM
Kernow Kernow is offline
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I don't know when it would have been the right time to tell my children (they are my children not my husbands). Our relationship with C has developed over four years and early on it didn't seem necessary to say anything because we didn't know if it was going to last. For the last couple of years we have been increasingly open about C being part of our lives and most of our friends know about it.

My children are 25, 22 and 19 and I have tried to tell them. The present situation is that the 25 year old gets on very well with C and enjoys spending time with her; the 22 year old closes down every conversation, refuses to even talk about C and will not meet her and the 19 year old will talk about her but doesnt want to meet her. He takes the view that he doesn't like me to get too involved with his friends/girlfriends and he doesn't want to meet my friends. I have tried a number of times to gently raise the issue with my daughter because it makes me sad that she is clearly unhappy with it, but trying to discuss it just upsets her. I have decided that it is better to focus on having a good relationship with my daughter, I make sure that I spend time with her and I try to show her that I am very happy with my life. I hope that in time she will become more comfortable about C.
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  #19  
Old 04-01-2014, 06:50 PM
willowstar willowstar is offline
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We are not officially out to our kids yet. My kids have all met my BF. They just know him as my best friend from high school. My 16yo daughter knows that we were close and kind of dated in high school. I think she suspects but she has not said anything. She has come out to me as bi herself, although has not had any same sex relationships. She recently did an art project with various LGBT flags and she actually included the "polyamory flag" in that. I thought it was interesting.

We have had general conversations about dating more than one person (her best friend is also bi and has a boyfriend and also dated a girl last summer without breaking up with the boyfriend, all with his knowledge). She seemed bothered by that fact though, so it may prove a challenge once we do talk with her. But I am confident that as long as she knows her Dad and I are together on this she will be okay. Plus, she likes my BF a lot. Thinks he is hysterical.

We also have a 6yo girl and a 3yo girl. The youngest spends plenty of time with BF and I together and she is always excited to see him because he plays with her at the playground. The middle one is also comfortable around him, but she would be the one to out us to family just because she has no filter, like most 6 year olds. LOL

The only reason we have not told them is because my boyfriend isnt ready. His kids (teens) know mine and since his wife has asked that they dont find out, we are respecting that for now. But I am antsy to tell them, just so I can be affectionate with him when they are around. I would prefer to not hide our relationship from them since we expect he will be here for the long haul.
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Willow ~ 44yo bi woman, married to Bear (formerly known as TB) for 18 years
Bear-Maybe poly/maybe mono straight man, still feeling it out
Armadillo (formerly known as BF) - currently out of the picture. Depression is evil...
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  #20  
Old 04-04-2014, 07:57 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeffanddannie View Post
in my case, my family is very religious and I do care what my mom thinks, she loves my wife and comes over for holidays and we are all very happy. but when my brother was dateing a girl while he was married ( though he was cheating) she found out and tore into him and they didnt talk for years. they are fine now, but I dont want that drama so for me it seems easier to not let her know. so then it comes back to telling the kids.... if I tell them, she will find out. she may find out later down the line anyways im aware. its a rock and a hard place for me lol
My kids, ages 3 (doesn't understand), 8 & 16 know. Never once did we tell them to not tell anyone. When we visit the in-laws, my son has not once ran to my mother-in-law to tell her "my dad has a girlfriend". Why not? We never said "don't tell" and so after the talk(s) my 8 year old never thought about it. The teen...she knows her grandma well enough so if she needs to discuss her views, she brings them to me.
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