Originally Posted by seakinganswers
This all made so much sense to me. If you have never been in a relationship with a person who unknowingly uses passive aggressive and manipulative approaches to control every aspect of your life then you may not get the point of the blog. I am in that relationship now and I am finally finding ways to show her the damage she has done and why. Previously I couldn't figure out why it drive me so crazy and drove so many nails into the coffin that once was a beautiful relationship. And let me state, our relationship is not poly. The point of the blog actually goes far beyond poly. It's all the times I want to do anything fun that doesn't involve her. She is never happy for me when I get an opportunity to go do something fun.
Everything I do or don't do is about her comfort level. The answer used to always be no because she was never comfortable with anything I wanted to do. Then she "saw the light" and started letting me do things knowing if she held on too tight she would lose me. But I'm never allowed to leave without first being made to feel bad about the fact that she didn't have a similar opportunity. Then she would attempt to make sure I understood all the reasons she was uncomfortable with the situation and make sure and explain all the things I could and couldn't do while I was there. Things like how late I stay out, what kind of places we end up at, who would be there, what the male to female ratio was, how much I drink, etc, etc. and I always go anyways now because I'm not falling for her stupid control issues. What she really deep down wants me to do us say, "Oh I'm sorry honey. If it makes you feel uncomfortable then I won't go because I love you so much." But then of course if that's what I do then I'm just giving in to her controlling ways.
I think we all got the point of the blog, and even agreed with the main sentiment that being micromanaged passive-aggressively because someone can't come out and give a flat answer is a terrible way to conduct one's self.
Me - male, 42, poly, straight, in a serious relationship with Audrey, also casually dating.
Audrey - female, 20, poly, pansexual, also casually dating.