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Old 04-12-2010, 03:29 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

There are rules in my relationship. I am working with BE to break those down a bit. I would hate to blame what happened on those rules, but I sometimes think if they weren't there the three relationships involved may have been left to evolve to be stronger than just friendship.

Rules are simple
1 - BE is welcome to do what she wants as long as I know (this is an interesting one, because I made it, but she has no interest yet)
2 - I can be with other women (sexually) - BE must be involved
3 - Now..this is one I am putting in here for clarity. I pretty much date and go out with women when I please. Neither of us consider dating "cheating". So I date and meet with women freely. It is only the sex that is limited.

Hope that made sense. A lot of people see dating as something difficult and personal. Maybe its the way we were both brought up but dating and spending time with the opposite sex is very natural for both of us.

Don't get me wrong, number 2 is not completely limiting. Both of us have had a lot of fun, but this past relationship made me see the giant road block this creates. If BE or I had been allowed/willing to continue the sexual/intimiate relationship outside of the requirement of a threesome things may have been different. Who knows, hindsight is 20/20. But why have the road block there in the first place.

But after awhile aren't the rules annoyingly restrictive? Making individual relationships seem less than authentic? Like you two can't really be yourselves without upsetting their significant other?
I think this is an easy one to work with, yet difficult in practice. Allow yourself to renegotiate. Life happens, let yourself learn and change the rules. And DON'T fall back to old rules in an argument. Once everyone agrees, those are the new rules. Continue renegotiating if needed.
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boundaries, rules vs boundaries

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