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Old 03-21-2014, 09:28 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re (from FullofLove1052):
"I have developed an aversion to my therapy. I feel stifled when I sit in an office and talk about my feelings, thoughts, opinions, etc."
I've multiple times reached points in my life where I had to realize, "You know, I don't think this therapy is getting me any further than I already was anymore. Time to move on."

You know the old saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." You are feeling fine in your life right now, and things are going well. Maintainance therapy is all well and good but IMO not necessary, especially if you long to spend those hours nurturing your life and relationships in other ways.

My vote is, take a break from counseling for awhile. (Make sure Matt's okay with that of course.) If you (and Matt) continue to feel fine, and all's going well with the family in general, then don't worry about going back to the counselor any time soon. This isn't a slam against your counselor, it's just an acknowledgement that now may not be the period in your life when counseling is needed.

While they don't do it maliciously, I think sometimes counselors have an open-ended plan with their clients. There will be no time when the counselor will say, "I think you're doing well and you and I can probably cease making any new appointments for the time being." After all, well first of all *something* can *always* be done to improve life and relationships, so hey why not continue the counseling, and second, hey if the patient gets well then the counselor loses a client -- and the payments the counselor gets for that client.

Not to be all cynical about it. I even wonder if it's not "trade wisdom" to wait for the patient to end the appointments, rather than making that call for the patient. Kind of like how some service desks will insist that the customer on the phone be the one to hang up, so that no one can say the service desk hung up on the customer. The counselor may be thinking, "When my patient is ready to cease counseling, she'll know she's ready."

Well, perhaps the time has come that you know you're ready. Your life's not perfect but no one's is, and you are feeling ready to stand on your own two feet. Why not give it a try? even just a temporary hiatus as a test? Tell your therapist you'd like to wait longer between appointments. If things continue to go well, then make the waits between appointments longer and longer until it's pretty obvious you can say, "Yeah, let's make today our last appointment."

From my remote PC, it looks like you (and Matt, and the kids etc.) are doing well and are ready to go therapy-free for awhile at least, and perhaps for good. So that's my (unsolicited) vote.

It's awesome all the progress you guys have made in the last year and I just think you deserve many kudos and the encouragement to "carry on."

Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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anger management, bisexual female, blame, break-ups, breaking up, changing loyalties, children, co-parenting, competition, coupledom, demanding partners, divorce, forgiveness, from poly to mono, healing, making excuses, married and polyamorous, poly co-parenting, poly to mono, primary/secondary, therapy, triad fallout, trust, vee dynamics, vee vs. triad

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