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  #11  
Old 03-21-2014, 02:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Ryan3232 View Post
I am not saying there is a correlation, but I do not know many monogamous families who would consider co-habitation as even an option.
I worked with a guy from Colombia years ago who moved his mom up once he was able to purchase his house for he and his new wife. He got a place with an extra room and it was the plan from the start. I was stunned and it took me a while to realize that this was simply the norm for his society and nothing more.

In less financially stable countries I understand that it is common for families to combine where multiple different branches of the family life together because it's "normal" because it was necessary.

In the US it is less socially acceptable to live in groups and is generally stigmatized as a commune/hippy type situation. In my opinion this is one reason you don't see groups flocking to live together even if it would make the most financial sense... fear of doing anything against social norm.

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Originally Posted by Ryan3232 View Post
If you have something to back that up, please share it because I would like to read a credible article explaining an increased trend for families to seek co-habitation.
What you are describing is something very specific and it is unlikely that there will ever be census data on such a thing. People who need to save money do so by cutting costs on things according to their own list of priorities. If I determine I can't make ends meet my first solution is to find a roommate. This is a very normal thing to do (evidence: Craigslist). People who have families are probably less likely to take on a roommate as their first choice because there are so many more variables (children, mortgages, etc) and that is saying nothing of the social stigma associated with it. A family combining with another family would be even MORE of a clusterfuck and I can see why people wouldn't jump at the opportunity.

I'm not convinced that there is anything particularly enlightened about polyamorous people when it comes to bringing their family into a roommate or multiple family living situation. The number of variables is roughly the same, though an argument could be made that there are more to deal with for a poly family/group.

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So, my point with poly folks considering these options is to say that an effort needs to be made from somewhere, why not be poly folks
If you think a mantle needs to be taken up to increase family cohabitation then I hereby grant you full authority to take to the streets and spread the good word!
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  #12  
Old 03-21-2014, 02:51 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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It's common in Alaska for families to cohabitate. In fact, it's very common for the Russian immigrants to buy a 4 plex and move in large families, 2-3 per apartment.
It's a $$ thing.
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Old 03-21-2014, 06:11 AM
Ryan3232 Ryan3232 is offline
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Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
I worked with a guy from Colombia years ago who moved his mom up once he was able to purchase his house for he and his new wife. He got a place with an extra room and it was the plan from the start. I was stunned and it took me a while to realize that this was simply the norm for his society and nothing more.

In less financially stable countries I understand that it is common for families to combine where multiple different branches of the family life together because it's "normal" because it was necessary.

In the US it is less socially acceptable to live in groups and is generally stigmatized as a commune/hippy type situation. In my opinion this is one reason you don't see groups flocking to live together even if it would make the most financial sense... fear of doing anything against social norm.


I would tend to agree with you that social norms do not promote people to see out group living situations


What you are describing is something very specific and it is unlikely that there will ever be census data on such a thing. People who need to save money do so by cutting costs on things according to their own list of priorities. If I determine I can't make ends meet my first solution is to find a roommate. This is a very normal thing to do (evidence: Craigslist). People who have families are probably less likely to take on a roommate as their first choice because there are so many more variables (children, mortgages, etc) and that is saying nothing of the social stigma associated with it. A family combining with another family would be even MORE of a clusterfuck and I can see why people wouldn't jump at the opportunity.

I'm not convinced that there is anything particularly enlightened about polyamorous people when it comes to bringing their family into a roommate or multiple family living situation. The number of variables is roughly the same, though an argument could be made that there are more to deal with for a poly family/group.

Yes, I do agree that people cutting costs will be guided by their own priorities, makes total sense. As for poly people and co-habitation, I think the argument can be made either way. On one hand, you have your argument that suggests it would be more complicated for poly people to live together, which might be true; however, conversely, poly people choosing to live together do not have the same pressure from social norms as monogamous people. They have already leaped over that relatively big hurdle of social norms that discourages monogamous families from considering such a living situation.

I am sure it would be complicated, just like anything else though. I might have been overgeneralizing that the push needs to come from poly because they are more opening and accepting. But, since they have dealt with the social norm obstacle, it seems plausible that a push from that might be a bit easier to rally & gain support



If you think a mantle needs to be taken up to increase family cohabitation then I hereby grant you full authority to take to the streets and spread the good word!
I am still evaluating the idea. I certainly think there is some benefits to the thought, but practicality is the ultimate deciding factor. So, can it be done? I am not sure. When I read the question on Beyondtwo's profile, it did grab my attention and obviously someone else has at least given some thought to the idea.
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Old 03-21-2014, 06:15 AM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
It's common in Alaska for families to cohabitate. In fact, it's very common for the Russian immigrants to buy a 4 plex and move in large families, 2-3 per apartment.
It's a $$ thing.
Very interesting, learn something new everyday.

To be more clear, are the families cohabiting in Alaska typically Russian immigrants? Or, did you mean, both families in Alaska & Russian immigrants live together.

Also, is there more to it than money? How did you know this? Haha, I am intrigued.

Thanks.
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  #15  
Old 03-21-2014, 11:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
I worked with a guy from Colombia years ago who moved his mom up once he was able to purchase his house for he and his new wife. He got a place with an extra room and it was the plan from the start. I was stunned and it took me a while to realize that this was simply the norm for his society and nothing more.
After my divorce, my mother was going through some health issues that made me consider finding a place that would allow her to move in with me. While we'd probably have driven each other crazy (before the first week was up!), it never came to pass (the combination of meds that caused the stroke symptoms was changed).

Moving elderly parents into a household is pretty standard as well, and leads to a lot of home additions and inlaw apartments.

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Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
People who need to save money do so by cutting costs on things according to their own list of priorities. If I determine I can't make ends meet my first solution is to find a roommate. This is a very normal thing to do (evidence: Craigslist). People who have families are probably less likely to take on a roommate as their first choice because there are so many more variables (children, mortgages, etc) and that is saying nothing of the social stigma associated with it. A family combining with another family would be even MORE of a clusterfuck and I can see why people wouldn't jump at the opportunity.
Yup. OP, it really depends on the people and their priorities.

After my divorce, I could have cut costs by getting a rental and/or a roommate. I chose neither. Buying a foreclosure made it financially easier, and I got to have my home to myself and my kids (and now, my partner). I had roommates in school and while I love people, I don't EVER want another roommate again. I want to cook what I want, when I want, vacuum when I want, watch what I want on TV (or NOT watch if I so choose) without having to feel like I need to run up to my room to be in "my" space. Nope, nope, nope. My home, my space. Oh, and I got a couple cats without having to clear it with anyone.

Having to find a roommate I trusted around my kids? Nope.

Granted, there were no other families in the area that (A) I was compatible with in a live-together way, or (B) were also looking for a place to live, but I wouldn't have chosen that option. Too many people under one roof would drive YouAreHere CRAY-CRAY.

So yes, OP, finding a roommate is something that anyone who shared a place as a teen/twenty-something is aware of, but not always something one wants. If they want a roomie, they know where to look. If they're looking to move in with a *family*, that's a really tall order. Maybe they ought to be friends with such a family first.
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  #16  
Old 03-21-2014, 01:37 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
It's common in Alaska for families to cohabitate. In fact, it's very common for the Russian immigrants to buy a 4 plex and move in large families, 2-3 per apartment.
It's a $$ thing.
Its common and becoming more common in BC, Canada too.

We have a large east indian community, they tend to buy in groups or families.

With how expensive BC is, this is beginning to happen in other communities too. Friends combining forces to buy homes.

As rents continue to go up in some areas, this may be the best options for people outside the communal living thinking
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Old 03-21-2014, 03:03 PM
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Its very feasible for me to have sam move into our converted garage if he and I choose to have a baby. It wouldn't make sense for us to maintain 2 separate households if I have young children with both my partners. I could live with a submissive female but if I have sam living with ua we won't have any room for anyone else, esp if they have their own kids.
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Old 03-21-2014, 03:04 PM
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We will not sell our family home, my daughters were born in the kitchen, we are quite attached.
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Old 03-21-2014, 03:16 PM
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Ive spent a good chunk of my life cohabitating with others but it was either them in my home or me in their home. The only time it felt equal was when we moved into a new space together and started from scratch. There is just a different dynamic (to me) when one enters another's space.
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Old 03-21-2014, 04:13 PM
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NycindieSo, my point with poly folks considering these options is to say that an effort needs to be made from somewhere, why not be poly folks ,who are generally more tolerant and open to non-"traditional" type dynamics, be the ones to lead the charge?
It's a common stereotype that poly folk, gay people, people with piercings and/or tattoos, and other social minorities are "generally more tolerant and open to non-"traditional" type dynamics." In my experience, however, these groups tend to be just as close-minded and ignorant as society in general. As a generalization, they're "open" to their particular way of being non-traditional, but the buck stops there. That's not saying, of course, that all poly folk are closed-minded, because not all members of society in general are closed-minded. I've just found that there's not really any more open-mindedness among poly folk than elsewhere.

The other reason "why not poly folks" to start this crusade is that, frankly, we have enough crusades as it is. I wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard the claim that poly folk should lead this or that crusade that has nothing to do with being poly, but rather just because we're supposedly more open-minded. We're not activists, we're just people living our lives. And frankly, if I'm going to become an activist, there are far bigger problems than how to get people to cohabitate so they can save money. The environment and world hunger come to mind, for a start. People who need to save money can take that crusade on for themselves.

The reality is that North Americans, in general, place privacy high on the list of priorities. We value our "own space." We want people to "mind their own business." We see the nuclear family as the basic cohabitation unit. Even your own parents, in need of more care and attention in their old age, are "too much" for most people. We put them in institutions and visit them on Sundays. Maybe. If we're not too busy living our private lives. If we can't even share our homes with the people who raised us and cared for us and changed our diapers, it's a huge stretch to expect people to start doing that with non-family.

People get roommates because they can't afford to live otherwise. Generally it's challenging and most people try to get out of it and on their own as quickly as possible. Once in a while a person finds one or two other individuals with whom they enjoy living and it works well. But often, when one of those people starts living with a partner, the other finds the whole situation to be too much. Few people like listening to their friends have sex when they're trying to sleep. Few people like going for a glass of milk and finding their roommates drank the last of it. Frankly, even living with my own husband is challenging at times. I do it because I love him and I'm willing to pay the price of admission.

North America is still the land of the White Picket Fence and Land Rover. Sharing a house with another family tells the whole world that you're too poor to make it on your own. True as that may be for more and more people, it's a reality that nobody wants to share with the world. By all means, if this is a cause that you feel deeply about, feel free to crusade for it. It won't be easy but then change never is. Best of luck!
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