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  #771  
Old 03-15-2014, 06:56 PM
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In spite of it being totally in the past, I think that poly is still something you need to talk about (at least here on the forum), and I suspect that may always be the case in the future. You have to figure out the details of why you chose as you chose over the years, and how that will figure into your future choices.

Okay, and my bets are on the Winnebago.
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  #772  
Old 03-15-2014, 09:59 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
LOL, I just can't imagine you camping, Ry.

Tell me you are not sleeping on the ground in a sleeping bag in a tent, next to your squirmy 1 yr old. You rented a 40 foot Winnebago, didn't you? You and Matt have the bedroom at one end and Nanny is with the kids at the other end?
Lol. I am being a team player. Mags, this is not my kind of camping. I prefer glamping. A luxurious 4-5 star resort, Egyptian cotton sheets, memory foam, a cosy fireplace, safari tent accommodations, ensuite marble bath, Michelin starred meals, 24-hour room service, etc. are more up my alley. I hope Matt knows a weekend at Kauri Cliffs in Matauri Bay is what I may need to recover from this.

That is not what this is. My family has been laughing since Friday. I have never pitched a tent. We found one that suited my fancy, and that was how we ended up sleeping in a tent and not in a cabin. Toned down glamping. I have never went fishing. My five year old laughed so hard she cried. I refused to touch the bait. She told me, "Mummy, you are such a daffodil. You have to do it like this." The only time I have been on a boat was when it was a yacht. I had to row a boat. I have only climbed on exercise machines. The hike wore me out. The mobile service is limited. I have never slept in a tent. We have air mattresses, so no sleeping bags this time around. The girls each had a twin size one. Matt, our son, and myself had a queen sized air mattress. My baby sleeps horribly. He sleeps sideways. His feet were in my back most of the night. I have never cooked over an open fire. Hilarity ensued. I did manage to make s'mores. My daddy actually told me to tell Matt thank you because he has wanted to break my spoiled nature since I was born. He thinks I would do well to rough it longer than 2-3 days. The nerve.

Their nanny is not here. She has been off since Thursday. I know she is going to get a good laugh out of this when she hears about it.

I am already researching new locations for the 2015 annual camping weekend. Hopefully, we will be glamping at a luxury, eco friendly resort somewhere in Oz or NZ. I am glad I joined the parent association. I can make suggestions and bring them into the modern world. If not, at the very least, we will be bringing an Airstream and our Lotus Belle. I probably could survive with that and glamming the tent up.

I will be the source of laughter for many months to come. I have freaked about insects. I had to laugh at myself. I am happy I made it to Sunday.
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  #773  
Old 03-16-2014, 08:57 PM
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What a trooper, you slept in a tent after all!
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  #774  
Old 03-16-2014, 11:56 PM
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An Airstream next year? How delightfully retro!
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  #775  
Old 03-17-2014, 05:36 PM
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LOL! I love camping/backpacking and is my preferred vacation, the more remote the better. However, I'm now 45 and certain comforts are non negotiable. Ready water source, chair, and comfortable sleeping pads(air matress) are a must. The other thing I learned, don't use cheap pots, pans or knives. I love cooking outdoors(even though clean up sucks) and finding new one pot recipes and such, but I bring my favorite "tools" (pots, pans, knives) from home, just fewer of them. Baby wipes are your friend!

Quote:
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
We have air mattresses, so no sleeping bags this time around.
Even, my husband (Mr. Boy Scout), who likes to sleep on a cot outside, prefers to bring sheets and blankets vs a sleeping bag.

The interlocking foam play mats and use that as the floor for the tent. Younger kids can sleep directly on them with no problem and no need for another sleeping pad or air mattress. Would work great for the little one.
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Old 03-17-2014, 07:28 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
LOL! I love camping/backpacking and is my preferred vacation, the more remote the better. However, I'm now 45 and certain comforts are non negotiable. Ready water source, chair, and comfortable sleeping pads(air matress) are a must. The other thing I learned, don't use cheap pots, pans or knives. I love cooking outdoors(even though clean up sucks) and finding new one pot recipes and such, but I bring my favorite "tools" (pots, pans, knives) from home, just fewer of them. Baby wipes are your friend!

Even, my husband (Mr. Boy Scout), who likes to sleep on a cot outside, prefers to bring sheets and blankets vs a sleeping bag.

The interlocking foam play mats and use that as the floor for the tent. Younger kids can sleep directly on them with no problem and no need for another sleeping pad or air mattress. Would work great for the little one.
Matt is the outdoorsy type. The weather was nice and cooler in the evenings, so it felt good. The scenery was really beautiful, and we were close to the beach. We had a picnic on the beach Sunday with all the other families before we headed home.

We had sleeping pads as a back-up because I know air mattresses sometimes deflate. Our son napped on a sleeping mat, but he wanted to sleep with us. We had water available, and there were showers/bathrooms and power points between our two sites. We could have had the Airstream this year, too, because there was plenty of space. We had a bar fridge in our tent because I needed to keep his milk cold, and it was good to have because my children like to snack and drink water in the middle of the night. Matt and I enjoyed a bottle of wine after they went to bed on the second night. Being under the stars and by a fire was rather romantic.

We all had portable phone chargers that were about the size of a mic pack, and they just plugged into the phones and fit in our pockets. Baby wipes were definitely important. I found a set of knives and other tools for camping at Target. December to April is a prime camping time in Oz, so we were able to find everything we needed. Clean-up was not too rough.

Camping was...dare I say fun? It brought us closer together as a family, and it was a relaxing weekend. No one was tied up with their phones, and there was minimal technology or access to it. My oldest was at camp last month, and they were at the creepy, Friday the 13th/Camp Crystal Lake like cabins with no WiFi. She was close to civilisation and not four hours outside of the CBD, so she was good to go. I am not opposed to doing it again with some of the aforementioned amenities like water, showers (with hot water), and an electrical source within reach.

Best part of the weekend: dancing and singing with with my girls to "Whatever She's Got" by David Nail. My girls love country music like me. I need to let my hair down more often and be silly because laughter is good for the soul.
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  #777  
Old 03-18-2014, 06:34 PM
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I used to be a camping (and hiking) fiend, but now I'm a wimp. Have many fond memories though. Nothing can compare to lying back in a sleeping bag, tentless, discussing life and its mysteries with your best friends while staring up at the stars and the Milky Way. And our traditional Timp hikes (with slides down immense snow fields as shortcuts on the return trip) were to die for.
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  #778  
Old 03-19-2014, 04:35 PM
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Default Glamping OMG!

From FullofLove: "Lol. I am being a team player. Mags, this is not my kind of camping. I prefer glamping. A luxurious 4-5 star resort, Egyptian cotton sheets, memory foam, a cosy fireplace, safari tent accommodations, ensuite marble bath, Michelin starred meals, 24-hour room service, etc. are more up my alley."

Glamping is now my favorite word. I'm totally stealing that. I'm with you, FoL! Your youngsters would have enjoyed my outdoors ineptness too. Good for you about being a good sport about it all. I saw an ad for a unbelievably expensive South Africa safari vacation where everything except seeing the animals with one's own eyes was done by staff. The tents looked like they were for a maharaja on circuit. Huge, glamourous and gorgeous. Oh, and did I mention the daily feasts with locally sourced food cooked by professional chefs? Now that's glamping!

Last edited by opalescent; 03-19-2014 at 04:36 PM. Reason: quote fail
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Old 03-21-2014, 01:31 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I have developed an aversion to my therapy. I feel stifled when I sit in an office and talk about my feelings, thoughts, opinions, etc. I feel awkward talking about myself for long periods of time.

I feel like something is wrong with me for going to therapy when I feel like I have no actual need. I am not depressed. I am not stressed out. I am not unhappy. I do not have self-esteem issues. I was able to admit that I had lost too much weight this time around, and I have gained some of it back. I am not suicidal. I do not feel broken. There is nothing psychologically*wrong with me. I do not have any abuse in my past. I had a happy childhood and loving and supportive parents. I am close to my family. I have reconciled any thoughts regarding my last pregnancy, subsequent PND, and feelings surrounding that entire situation. Before, I would not even consider having another child because I blamed myself and felt like a failure. I am comfortable enough to take a risk and TTC again. I no longer blame myself for anything that happened during my pregnancy. I cannot take the blame for my ex not being present while I was on bed rest. The fact that I felt guilty when I could not do anything to change it is bloody ludicrous. Everything that happened from 29 April 2012 until x point was out of my control. I am damn sure not a failure. My little miracle survived even when odds were stacked against him. In spite of it all, my only complication is that I can only have C-sections. I would say we fared pretty well. He is healthy, and I can still conceive. The kind of joy now is the joy I felt in 2008 when I found out I was pregnant. There was nothing that could take my joy. It filled me up and gave me everything I needed. That is how life has been every day.

We talked about poly yesterday, but it was more about how it came to be. It is not something I sought. I see nothing wrong with monogamy. My choice had nothing to do with societal conditioning. There was no fanfare. I fell in love with someone who had a boyfriend. He was cool with us being together, and that was how it ended up being a V. I dated two others while with her, but back in those days, I could easily have classified the other two relationships as a hybrid of tertiary and secondary. We were teenagers and finding our way, so being tied down was not necessarily on the forefront of our brains. The core V lasted four years, and it only ended because we were going to unis in different countries. We are still the best of friends. She is one of my childrens' godmothers, and they call her Auntie. We have acknowledged that we love one another, and Matt knows this. He told me. My best friend could not stand my ex, and she let it be known that she was there before her and would be there after her. (Who knew she would be right?)*

When I met Matt, it was not with the intent of our relationship always being open on my end. It was more along the lines of, "It is possible that I may meet someone, but I will never look for it." I just told him about how my previous relationships were structured. Non-monogamy was all I had ever experienced. Could I have been happy with monogamy? Apparently, yes. I am now. At that point, there was no need for a OPP because he was and still is the only man I have ever desired and been attracted to.

We talked about why the V worked for seven-ish years, and it is quite simple. They had minimal interaction. Several factors contributed to that, but their paths rarely crossed. She was not part of our daily lives. There were no children involved. I saw her when I had time. I will not say Matt came first, but our marriage did. She was secondary, and it had nothing to do with me putting her in that box. Time constraints and other commitments meant that was the way it had to be. We had opposite schedules. As she was getting off, I was heading in. She was a workaholic, so time off was rare. Thus, there was no need for me to spend 1-2 nights a week at her home. She had other relationships for almost all of the beginning years. He knew of her, but he took the stance of that part of my life had nothing to do with him. She "stayed in her lane" and "out of his way," so he had no issues. She was out of sight and not in his mind. Now that we have broken it down, I see how it is possible for him to have never felt compersion or developed the ability to care or take a keen interest in my relationship with her.

I know where it went wrong. Two points: when she made me her primary and when we decided to conceive. Si never wanted children, and I knew that from day one. She was adamant that she never wanted to be in a parental role. It was understood that we would be the only parents of any children. Second mummy or co-parenting was not part of any agreement. The sudden change had a negative impact because Matt was not part of the decision to make her a co-parent. Something that important HAS to be discussed.*

When I informed her that we were planning to conceive, she still stood by that original decision to not be involved in parenting. Necessary talks fell by the wayside. Matt suspected something was up when she took an unusual interest in being part of appointments. He questioned her about it, and she got offended. Looking back, was it suspicious? Hell yes. I say that necessary talks fell by the wayside because there is a hell of a lot of difference between seeing someone when possible (tertiary) versus scheduled time every day or multiple times a week, sharing holidays, birthdays, and inviting them to sleep over and ultimately move in to your home. The transition coincided with the pending birth of our first child, and it was too much at once. It was rushed integration. Silly, silly move. Would things have been different if we had put that transition on hold, focused on the baby, and talked about what this new status as co-primary/co-parent really meant and entailed? We had the wrong mentality; get it done before the baby arrives and carve out roles without discussing the pitfalls in great detail. Maybe I would have picked up on her cowgirl tendencies. He did. That was the beginning of the end. From that point forward, I cannot think of too many positive steps forward.

In this sense, yes, therapy has helped because I have had to break it down and own up to where I went wrong. I cannot blame anyone else when I knew I was no longer in love with her. I should have let her go. If that was not confirmation, losing all sexual interest in her should have been the telltale sign. I cannot blame Matt or Si when I went against what I wanted to make her happy and put him down. I did that in some very skewed sense of loyalty and need to level the field. Truth is, I was overcompensating because I did not love her the way I loved him.

I had to improve my listening skills. Nobody told me to dismiss his concerns. I did that on my own. Communication was not where it needed to be, and it is not that we were not talking. We did not spend enough time talking about the life-changing things. A drive thru marriage is not a healthy one. I did not want to hear anything that went against my new vision. Problem is that was not my vision. Resentment grew like bacteria. I did undermine him as a parent and my husband. I was wrong for what I did. And I sacrificed my marriage for someone like this:

Quote:
She got off on me putting her wants and needs before Matt's and believing that our marriage was inferior to the relationship I had with her. She got off on feeling like she was number one in my life. She was happy when he left me. In her mind, that meant all of the love and attention that was going to him was going to be showered on her. She had succeeded in getting rid of him. To hell with whoever got hurt, but she was happy. The catch is she got pissed when Matt came back, and she realised that things were going to change.
I am learning about why I did what I did, and I cannot change the past. Therapy has helped to unmask some hard truths. One theme is common: nothing was done with malicious intent.

Am I open to seeking therapy with her one day? Not likely. I would have to really weigh the pros and cons. She has continued to try to rationalise her behaviour. That is irksome. My daughter was right when she told me, "I do not know why you thought I needed another mummy. No one can take your place." She is a smart little duckie.

I am still displeased. I will never let her have the power of making and keeping me stewing. The one thing that I cannot forgive is her hurting my child. She was innocent. She was not the one who had to answer where "Mummy Si" was or wipe tears when she would not show up or proved to be a constant source of disappointment.*She is not the one who had to try to convince a four year old that nothing was wrong with her. You do not spend four years with a child and cast them to the side because you are titty hurt. She is a real person with feelings, and even when he was strongly opposed to her having any contact, I fought against him so that she could have access. I have no qualms about admitting that I am thrilled that my child has completely shut her out. She associates my ex with being a source of hurt. The one time I asked her if she wanted to see my ex, she flipped out in French. She had the mother of all meltdowns. I have never seen my child that angry, but she lashed out. It was bad enough that we could not calm her down. She had to calm herself down. Since that day, mentioning my ex or even having pictures of her around has not been an option. No, she does not have anger issues. My ex is her trigger, and I do not think forcing her to go to counselling is the answer.

It has been a year of around the clock internal work, and despite my questioning why I am in therapy, good has come of it. I do feel like a better version of myself.
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Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3.5) children.
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  #780  
Old 03-21-2014, 02:11 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
From FullofLove: "Lol. I am being a team player. Mags, this is not my kind of camping. I prefer glamping. A luxurious 4-5 star resort, Egyptian cotton sheets, memory foam, a cosy fireplace, safari tent accommodations, ensuite marble bath, Michelin starred meals, 24-hour room service, etc. are more up my alley."

Glamping is now my favorite word. I'm totally stealing that. I'm with you, FoL! Your youngsters would have enjoyed my outdoors ineptness too. Good for you about being a good sport about it all. I saw an ad for a unbelievably expensive South Africa safari vacation where everything except seeing the animals with one's own eyes was done by staff. The tents looked like they were for a maharaja on circuit. Huge, glamourous and gorgeous. Oh, and did I mention the daily feasts with locally sourced food cooked by professional chefs? Now that's glamping!
That is glamping! That sounds like the resort we stayed in a few years back. We were on the Maasai Mara Reserve. My favourite part was seeing the pride of lions. It screamed powerful. We captured it, and it seemed as if they were posing.

I was am trying to get back to Africa this year to glamp and witness the migration. We are eyeing Tanzania. I think our children would get a kick out of visiting the Serengeti and getting to see it in real life.

Some of those places are insanely expensive. The key is to do research and look for deals. 2014 will have sone glamping, and I am not going to break the bank to do it!
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Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3.5) children.
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anger management, bisexual female, blame, break-ups, breaking up, changing loyalties, children, co-parenting, competition, coupledom, demanding partners, divorce, forgiveness, from poly to mono, healing, making excuses, married and polyamorous, poly co-parenting, poly to mono, primary/secondary, therapy, triad fallout, trust, vee dynamics, vee vs. triad

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