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  #11  
Old 03-17-2014, 05:26 PM
juber juber is offline
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Well the weekend is over, and I thought I would hop back up here and post an update RQ.

The wife arrived at their hotel on Friday afternoon, and she and the new GF spent the entire weekend together. I stayed home with the kids and we had a good weekend as well. Played some tabletop games with the eldest on Sunday, made a pot of chili and really just chilled out. Surprisingly (to me) the feelings of jealousy I expected didn't come up.

Wife texted me once Friday afternoon to say she had arrived safely and then went silent. I had told her that I was going to keep my communication to a minimum out of respect for her time with GF. On Saturday afternoon I started to feel worried that I had not heard from her. I sent her a text asking if all was well and if she was safe. She texted me back with a message that was definitely her and said she was safe and having fun. That put my mind at ease and was the end of any negative or concerned feelings.

Wife got home Sunday just as the kids were going down to bed. There had been no unexpected encounters with the GFs hubby and he had spent the time with his GF at a local B&B a ways outside of town. Wife seemed almost eager to give me an account of her time and I got all the details I wasn't going to ask for but could not help wondering about lol.

There was a lot of kissing and petting.

There was no lovemaking. GF has never been with another woman before and so there was hesitancy around certain things that caused my wife step back and in an effort to make GF comfortable, she asked if it was okay to keep it to just making out and some petting. GF was fine with it.

Mostly they talked. They talked every waking moment in between bouts of kissing and petting. I could tell when my wife got home that something was better than it was before. This weekend the Wife has been able to satisfy a part of her she has been denying off and on for years.

A part of her has started healing we didn't know was hurt until recently. She feels whole when she didn't know she wasn't before.

We had a lovely evening last night. We watched some Hulu and she wanted to make love badly due to a weekend of sexual arousal and no release so that was nice too. I don't expect that will be the way of things every time they get together - but I'll happily love her any time she wants.

All in all I think things are only improving in my life. Thank you everyone for your thoughts on this. I'll let you all know when there is anything more to hear.
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  #12  
Old 03-18-2014, 12:51 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I am glad her weekend went well, and there was no awkwardness with her new person's husband.

Kissing and petting is fine for a first date/first same sex experience.

I am also glad you had a peaceful weekend and the green eyed monster didn't rear its head.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #13  
Old 03-18-2014, 01:54 PM
juber juber is offline
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Thanks Magdlyn

This forum has been very helpful. It was helpful to read about others experiences and get advice from people. I think things are going to be okay and I'm just going to let things go in what feels like the natural direction.

I'm going to continue to live life as a monogamous husband. I did reconnect with my friend who is in a Poly relationship. She feels like I'm in a good place and she reinforced the fact that my previous triad was a very bad poly experience that i need to let go of. I think I have.

I'm going to a game convention in Vancouver WA this weekend (leaving Thursday to drive up) and I considered trying to look into something but actively looking just doesn't feel right at the moment. If something were to happen then I could let it but I'm just going to concentrate on enjoying myself with friends.

Cheers all, I'll be lurking around here and will let you all know about any further developments. It helps to talk these things out.
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  #14  
Old 03-19-2014, 04:22 AM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Just across the river from Vancouver is Portland. If you want to get out and about I highly recommend the jaunt.
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  #15  
Old 03-19-2014, 09:01 PM
polybynature polybynature is offline
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I did not read all the replies....but what you are talking about is a One Penis Policy, and yeah a lot of people see them as a no go. Let me tell you a story...I met a guy, poly like me, who I thought was pretty neat. we casually dated, then all met up to hang out (both married) my spouse found the wife very attractive. They started an only convo that got pretty hot when she expressed wanting to date him....but she couldn't because she was only allowed other women while her spouse could have opposite sex encounters. As the woman interested in her spouse, this turned me off. I thought him insecure and sexist....if he could have opposite sex partners, why couldn't she? Its one thing if the OPP was HER rule, but it was his and she only agreed to it to get SOME kind of poly with him. If youre going to be poly...be poly. Love, have sex with etc people, not genders. If youre uncomfortable with it, be mono and let her just have the freedom to have the sex she cant have with you (women). Just my two cents

Last edited by polybynature; 03-19-2014 at 09:01 PM. Reason: correction
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  #16  
Old 03-19-2014, 10:50 PM
juber juber is offline
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Thank you for the reply Polybynature.

That was my consensus as well. Also - I didn't make it a "rule" I don't have that authority. I made a request and did tel her that if she felt uncomfortable with either request I would find a way to deal with my misgivings.

After about a week, and after posting here I came to exactly the conclusion you brought up. I was being sexist and unreasonable. A few days later I spoke with the eife and told her I was dropping my request and I explained why.

To be completely honest I'm still a little nervous about how I will feel if she ever is interested in another man, but we'll continue to communicate and be supportive and I'll find a way through the feelings. The thought does not distress me the way I thought it would and I think things are going to be okay

Thanks again for your reply.
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  #17  
Old 03-20-2014, 01:23 PM
polybynature polybynature is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by juber View Post
Thank you for the reply Polybynature.

That was my consensus as well. Also - I didn't make it a "rule" I don't have that authority. I made a request and did tel her that if she felt uncomfortable with either request I would find a way to deal with my misgivings.

After about a week, and after posting here I came to exactly the conclusion you brought up. I was being sexist and unreasonable. A few days later I spoke with the eife and told her I was dropping my request and I explained why.

To be completely honest I'm still a little nervous about how I will feel if she ever is interested in another man, but we'll continue to communicate and be supportive and I'll find a way through the feelings. The thought does not distress me the way I thought it would and I think things are going to be okay

Thanks again for your reply.
Ok so I DID go back and read after writing to you, sorry I now see you'd already said you'd changed your mind You really sound like you are working through this, and with your partner, very well. Mad props.
The first few times are the hardest....even being poly for over a year, and having two lovers/partners, and being used to my spouse having other women, my BF had his first partner besides me recently and it through me for a loop. I feel insecure, a little jealous, I needed him to reassure my place and his desire for me and we worked through it together. Hang in there
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