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  #1  
Old 03-16-2014, 05:21 AM
queenba queenba is offline
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Default A Bitter Rant

A Bitter Rant

You.

Are co-dependent. You want to know what happened to you two? That is what happened. Co-dependency. You are co-dependent.

She didn't want you anymore. But she was too much of a coward to tell you. Afraid it would hurt herself too much. So she told you she wasn't built for this, that it wasn't you. That she wanted to have more than one person. More than one love. Implying she still loved you.

She didn't.

She wanted you to be the back up plan, in case the one she wanted didn't want her. She pursued him, and he was rejecting. She pursued others, and they pulled away. She was left with you, the one she didn't really want, but a backup plan.

You found me. And it was different. No rules, no governing. We fell. And we fell hard. Then she was angry. How dare you be happy without her? You weren't supposed to find someone, SHE was. She was supposed to find someone new to love her. A new husband. Now she was left with a man she didn't love and who didn't love her. And no one loved her. But why did she even care?

Well, there's got to be a "Co" in "Co-Dependence", after all.

Why are you co-dependent? You can't sleep by yourself. You were burdened with a child. You never established yourself as an autonomous adult. And you have no agency. You draw her in while she pushes you out. You long for a caring glance and a minute symbol of acceptance from her. You were only 20 years old. (Maybe she was your mother? Maybe she was your father? Did your father do this to you?)

And you let her take away the ONE thing that didn't suck in your life. The ONE person for who you might have abandoned all other horses. The ONE person who wouldn't perpetuate your co-dependence.

You're co-dependent.

And I?

Why do I even write this if you're the one who was in the wrong? If you were the one who had the problem? If I'm SO perfect?

I write this because I have a bitter, broken heart. I write this because you confirmed that which I knew about myself. I write this because your rejection, your choosing of a terrible partner, was choosing between bad and worse. Between terrible and filth. Between awful and scum.

What other reason could there be?
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  #2  
Old 03-16-2014, 07:50 AM
london london is offline
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by queenba View Post
A Bitter Rant

You.

Are co-dependent. You want to know what happened to you two? That is what happened. Co-dependency. You are co-dependent.

She didn't want you anymore. But she was too much of a coward to tell you. Afraid it would hurt herself too much. So she told you she wasn't built for this, that it wasn't you. That she wanted to have more than one person. More than one love. Implying she still loved you.

She didn't.

She wanted you to be the back up plan, in case the one she wanted didn't want her. She pursued him, and he was rejecting. She pursued others, and they pulled away. She was left with you, the one she didn't really want, but a backup plan.

You found me. And it was different. No rules, no governing. We fell. And we fell hard. Then she was angry. How dare you be happy without her? You weren't supposed to find someone, SHE was. She was supposed to find someone new to love her. A new husband. Now she was left with a man she didn't love and who didn't love her. And no one loved her. But why did she even care?

Well, there's got to be a "Co" in "Co-Dependence", after all.

Why are you co-dependent? You can't sleep by yourself. You were burdened with a child. You never established yourself as an autonomous adult. And you have no agency. You draw her in while she pushes you out. You long for a caring glance and a minute symbol of acceptance from her. You were only 20 years old. (Maybe she was your mother? Maybe she was your father? Did your father do this to you?)

And you let her take away the ONE thing that didn't suck in your life. The ONE person for who you might have abandoned all other horses. The ONE person who wouldn't perpetuate your co-dependence.

You're co-dependent.

And I?

Why do I even write this if you're the one who was in the wrong? If you were the one who had the problem? If I'm SO perfect?

I write this because I have a bitter, broken heart. I write this because you confirmed that which I knew about myself. I write this because your rejection, your choosing of a terrible partner, was choosing between bad and worse. Between terrible and filth. Between awful and scum.

What other reason could there be?
Sounds like he feels his relationship with her and without you is more fulfilling than having just you or both of you.
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  #3  
Old 03-16-2014, 08:07 AM
queenba queenba is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
Sounds like he feels his relationship with her and without you is more fulfilling than having just you or both of you.
yep.
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  #4  
Old 03-16-2014, 02:12 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 747
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When people don't know what real security is - self security - they look for it in other people, and when they can't find it in other people, they look for it in structure - structure they can understand. In most cases that is the default societal norm.

Even those of us who are self-secure do this to some degree. There is added security in a bond (or bonds) with another. And while polyamory in practice is wide and varied, we create our own structures for the same reason.

People who aren't self secure cling to what they know.
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  #5  
Old 03-17-2014, 02:39 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Montgomery, AL
Posts: 288
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Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
Sounds like he feels his relationship with her and without you is more fulfilling than having just you or both of you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by queenba View Post
yep.
Don't say that so fast.

He could know that she's the worse choice, but be such a creature of habit and emotional longing that he makes a bad choice. I'm not saying this to be sentimental and coddle you. I'm just saying logically you may be the better choice, but we all don't make the best choices for us, now do we?
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Me - male, 42, poly, straight, in a serious relationship with Audrey, also casually dating.

Audrey - female, 20, poly, pansexual, also casually dating.
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