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  #11  
Old 03-05-2014, 05:43 PM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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You told in this thread:

Quote:
I was the one who always wanted to have a family. Before we married, she always said "some day I want kids" Eventually, after 8 plus years of living together, we got married. Then we hit our mid 30's. We were running out of time...I convinced my wife we should get pregnant... She had her reservations... We got off the pill and 2 months later we were pregnant.

My wife had the hardest time being mom... It was a disaster... Major PPD...I knew our first child would be our only.

Many women have that deep feeling motherly type instinct...My wife never had that and she knew that. She did it for me...I love her for that.
My thoughts considering this quote and the thread here: If she has a history of doing such big sacrifices for you, it might very well be that this open marriage arrangement is another one of those.

You are saying that she is not very good at expressing her emotions to you. Now I ask you: Are you willing and able to hear, comprehend and accept her emotions? In this child issue, you did not really listen to her reservations and talked her into having a baby "for you". Now you say you love her for that.

Now, this opening up thing. Maybe it will be another sacrifice, and she counts on you not really ever taking her emotions for real and that you will love her if she makes herself miserable - just like she did with becoming a mom.

Of course I hope this is not the case, but this history would make me very cautious to proceed.
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  #12  
Old 03-05-2014, 09:17 PM
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Smiles Smiles is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadya View Post
You told in this thread:



My thoughts considering this quote and the thread here: If she has a history of doing such big sacrifices for you, it might very well be that this open marriage arrangement is another one of those.

You are saying that she is not very good at expressing her emotions to you. Now I ask you: Are you willing and able to hear, comprehend and accept her emotions? In this child issue, you did not really listen to her reservations and talked her into having a baby "for you". Now you say you love her for that.

Now, this opening up thing. Maybe it will be another sacrifice, and she counts on you not really ever taking her emotions for real and that you will love her if she makes herself miserable - just like she did with becoming a mom.

Of course I hope this is not the case, but this history would make me very cautious to proceed.


My wife always knew I wanted a family..she always said some day she would. When we split up, that was part of the reason. So when she moved out, I bought a house and I started to date other women...

She started calling me and wanted to know about my dates...Then she decided that she wanted to come back..Maybe when she realized that other women were showing interest, she didn't want me to get away...For a long time she was all affectionate which is what I wanted. We soon got married. She always knew I wanted a family and she wasn't honest with me at the very beginning. Maybe she was afraid of losing me again...We are friends, we co-parent, we have the companionship, and here lately, we have more sex and better quality sex than we did for the first 17 plus years...She just does it for me so we stay married. I know she enjoys sex and she climaxes.She did tell me she doesnt feel more loved with sex.

As far as emotions? I have to force it out of her. If she would of told me 20 years ago that she didn't want kids, I may have moved on...Now, My family , is the most important thing in this world to me. I would never do anything to hurt my wife.

I know this open marriage may not be the best solution. It seems to be working to improve intimacy between us...if its real...

If we were to go to a MC, the whole truth would come out. She doesnt want that.

Last edited by Smiles; 03-05-2014 at 09:19 PM.
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  #13  
Old 03-05-2014, 09:25 PM
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I really hope my wife isn't miserable. I know she likes being mom now. I don't think she wold be miserable i this open marriage...She doest act like it.
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  #14  
Old 03-05-2014, 09:56 PM
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I know my wife likes being a mother now. It was just hard for her the first few years. She puts so much energy into being mom. Our daughter is fortunate to have a SAHM for as long as she has so far. My wife would dare have our daughter at a day care...
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  #15  
Old 03-10-2014, 02:25 PM
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Our mutual friend... Actually, the mother our daughters friend, the one who witnessed our open marriage contract is reading Sex At Dawn...She said their MC recommended the book...I didn't think a MC would do that...

I don't know if our open marriage conversation was discussed with her MC or not...I think she and I have so much in common.... She is adorable as well...

I think she would make a good poly relationship...

Don't know what my wife would think about that...I think they get along great...They have become great friends over the past several years.

She is usually around after my hikes and will ask if I met anybody new or some crazy story another hiker told me... After one of my group hikes, I was going to get take out...I was debating to take a shower before getting it..(usually I will have a beer while I wait for the pizza....) So she told me I should sower first because I may meet somebody new and I should look my best and not be stinky and dirty...which I was after the 12 mile hike...my wife agreed with her... I just find that a little funny... So they wanted the report when I came back....the waitress/manager usually gives me a free Shiner while I wait..She is adorable too...

Life is fun!
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  #16  
Old 03-10-2014, 07:25 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Sounds like a lot of possibilities there ... Keep us posted.
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  #17  
Old 03-11-2014, 12:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Sounds like a lot of possibilities there ... Keep us posted.
I don't know if there are possibilities or just wishful thinking... I am just having a good time enjoying the process.

Eventually I will take that next leap.

I just don't know how to tell them I have an open marriage without sounding like I am just after sex with them...As of now, I like their company and I want to get to know them better...

They all know I am married...
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  #18  
Old 03-11-2014, 08:35 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Well one thing at a time. No need to try to tell them everything at once. At some point you might get a chance to say something like, "I have an open marriage; is that okay?" Whereas the question, "Would you be interested," would be something to ask later on down the road.
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  #19  
Old 03-11-2014, 09:36 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smiles View Post
I don't know if there are possibilities or just wishful thinking... I am just having a good time enjoying the process.

Eventually I will take that next leap.

I just don't know how to tell them I have an open marriage without sounding like I am just after sex with them...As of now, I like their company and I want to get to know them better...

They all know I am married...
What used to work for me was to say something like "my gf/wife and I are in an open relationship". Sometimes I would make it funny depending on the crowd, like "I never liked the contraints of a religious society"

You can't control how they interpret. But you do have to be comfortable in how you come out. Just because someone says "I am gay" doesn't mean they want to hump your leg. It just means they are gay. Its my responsibility as the receiver of the information to understand that its their right to be heard

Then we can discuss the humping of legs.
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  #20  
Old 03-11-2014, 11:36 PM
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There's some new interesting development's. There are several women I am working on, so Its time I give them names.

I am kind of a dummy and I just have to pick up on any clues that they might be interested... After 22 years, its so new to me....I also feel like I am doing this with both hands tied behind my back...

I almost think I should have a NSA relationship, just to get that out of the way...Then I can gauge my wife's reaction. We do have an open marriage now...

I would hate to get emotionally close to a woman and find out my is jealous and really loves me more than in a friendship way she says...

I just received the two books...opening up and ethical slut...I want my wife to read them as well...

Its time that I start giving names to these women..
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