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Old 03-09-2014, 08:47 PM
Candide Candide is offline
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Default The man who went up a hill and came down a mountain.

I was going to write this thread a couple of months ago, but life got in the way of the internet. I am now waiting for my wort to chill, so I figured this would be as good a time as any to craft my tale.

For my birthday I went on a journey. A part self discovery as well as part going to visit an old love. It was one of those trips that halfway through your visit at your destination it shattered a lot of what you knew as convention.

I have never been in a poly relationship before, so this part is new as is this is also my first relationship where I am involved with another man. Needless to say there is a lot going on. In fact it is so much for me to process I am not exactly sure how to put this all down, but I will try. I will refer to my female love interest from here on in as FLI, and my male love interest as MLI.

FLI and MLI are married to each other. I just thought I should get that out of the way.

When I first saw my FLI at the door of her abode I had felt like no time had passed from the last time I say her. She is still as beautiful to me as the day I first met her. Her smile, her eyes, the wiggle in her walk. I hugged her tight and almost cried. I might have shed a couple of tears, but not the major water works I had expected. I hugged her, and that was pretty much all because before this I was stuck in the non poly way of thinking, and had pre established boundries in my head as to what is aceptiable and unaceptiable behaviour tword another man's wife.

Shortly after my reunification with a part of my soul I was introduced to her husband. At first I felt awkward. I didn't know exactly how things were going to play out, but I said to myself, "Keep an open mind, and don't force anything just let whatever happens happen."

We pretty much just hung, out talked, went out to a movie together, got drunk together. Basically we all had a good time, and I never knew that I could click so well with another man before. Needless to say we got along very well. While we were all drunk the only thing that happened was we got some good quality snuggles in and all just slept together. It was very nice .

Needless to say while I was sober I decided to just let whatever happen happen, and to put it into words would not be to do it justice. I will say this though it was very tough for me to leave and head back to my real world which was a 7.5 hour drive. However hard it was to leave I still felt great because I have started to develop something that feels amazing.

We are about a month and a half in, and I have been learning a lot about my MLI. We are very similar, but by no means are we the same. The only thing that is the same between the two of us is the massive amount of love that we both cary for FLI.

Both MLI and I are developing feelings for one another that are more than just like. I guess the benefit of the LDR thing is that it forces us to communicate, and really get a sense of who we are in the relationship. Lets face it sex is a crutch, granted a really fun crutch, but it is a crutch none the less.

Although there is one downside to this all that I have come across. It comes when I hear that my MLI and FLI are having a fight. It sucks, and I have told both of them I believe that they have to workout whatever it is between each other between them. I will listen, but because my feelings are stronger for one more than the other I need to remain neutral. They both see the wisdom in this, but I still find it hard to not want to offer advice.

I think I am onto something that will be more amazing than not.

My FLI wants to make this a MMFF Poly exclusive relationship where everyone involved is involved with everyone, but it takes time to build each leg with the right people. So right now as it stands we are a MFM with her a the lynchpin. We are hoping to evolve into a relationship where we don't need the lynchpin.

I think this is enough out of me today. I will add more as more enters my mind, and as this relationship develops.
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Old 03-09-2014, 11:57 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Sounds like it is going pretty well so far. You are ambitious to set out to turn a lynchpin-MFM into a no-lynchpin-MMFF! You'll have to find the right woman first, and she'll have to be romantically into all three of you. While I don't presume to say it's impossible, I do suppose that it could take awhile (to find this person). So, in the meantime learn all you can about how poly works. I imagine part of your plans will involve MLI and FLI moving closer to you. Lots of plans to consider!

Thanks for your update,
Kevin T.
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Old 03-10-2014, 12:39 AM
Candide Candide is offline
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It is going well. I will admit that having a LDR is tougher on me than I originally thought it would be. However the phone, texts, mail, and skype help a bit.
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Old 03-10-2014, 01:44 AM
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Yeah, I think just about any LDR is a hard thing to cope with. Hopefully you guys will all be living closer together soon, eh?
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Old 03-11-2014, 06:27 AM
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So much that goes on here is filled with negatives. This is understandable... most people don't come a-callin' until they need to ask advice for some poly-influenced catastrophe going on it their lives.

That makes it even more nice to read stories with good endings

Good luck on turning your triad into a quad. If everyone is happy then the more, the merrier.
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Old 03-11-2014, 06:37 AM
Candide Candide is offline
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I wouldn't say there is a happy ending just yet. Still a lot of learning about who we all are together, and how our dynamic will be. For now the relationship is full of excited energy because I am only able to visit once a month. The real test will be when they move here, and we are living together. That is when you truly learn about the people you are with. Learn their bad habits, see what you can bear. At least with a poly relationship you aren't alone with dealing with the bad habits or weaknesses of the other people you are in a relationship with. It seems that for every strength there is a weakness and for every weakness there is a strength you just need to be in the right frame of mind to make sure you can always look at the strengths.

One thing I have been learning is that for every one poly means something a little bit different. Which I suppose is normal because after all we are all unique. Just like our relationships
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Old 03-11-2014, 07:51 PM
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You have a good perspective on things; continue to learn, grow, and interact with your fellow sitemembers here and you will find out how to do poly successfully. Lots and lots of communication is always the first step.
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Old 03-11-2014, 09:52 PM
Candide Candide is offline
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I would say that it's the real advantage of a LDR the distance forces the conversation.
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Old 03-12-2014, 12:15 AM
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Good point. In that way the LDR prods you into preparing yourselves for the future time when you do all start living together.
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Old 09-23-2014, 07:32 AM
Candide Candide is offline
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I know this is a little necro, but I decided to add a little more to this thread than to start another one.

Well it would seem that things are progressing in a positive way. My love interests and I have been apartment hunting. It is crazy how close it is to not have to spend a lot of time or money to be together with one another.

This weekend however with all the good that's going on I caught some sort of a feeling. Basically it has to deal with hanging out and dealing with non poly people. We spent a bit of time this weekend hanging out with some of my female love interests friends. They all know that she is married to my male love interest, but in all reality the only people who know we are in a poly relationship is the three of us. Another thing that happened this weekend was the recounting of the story of how they got married. It occurred to me that they got married less than a month after she and I had broken up initially. I know it shouldn't bother me because I still get to bask in her and his love. It was kind of tough to be one way behind closed doors, and then another way in public.

I guess you could say that I have the green eyed beast of jealousy perched on my shoulder whispering into my ear.

What is the best way to open the dialogue about this feeling that I'm sure we have all had at one time or another?
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